dunedin caught unprepared (the visitor part 5)

i've only endured a small portion of my cousin larry's unannounced 2 week visit, and already i'm nearly at my limit...

not only has larry been he's usual JERK! self and almost gotten me kicked out of my home and all of new zealand, but he's managed to turn the tables on me everytime i try to push him on why he is here in the first place!

as if that weren't enough now larry has insisted that we check out town.

even without larry i never wandered around dunedin. the reason being why i moved here. they don't have any dinosaurs down here on the south island of new zealand, and as of such the locals just aren't ready for a dinosaur walking down the street. that's tiny small than a human me i'm talking about! i've gotten plenty of uncomfortable and scared looks from dunedinites.

i just couldn't imagine what the reaction to larry was going to be!?!

never the less larry was insistent. as we left the botanic garden larry got impatient with my inability to keep up with him... which is yet another example of what a JERK! he can be. i barely clear larry's ankle (on a t-rex the ankle is way higher up. looks like a reverse knee) so him expecting me to keep running along side him was just not going to happen.

larry made a most unexpected offer though. i thought he was just going to ignore my problem, and expect me to keep up. instead he stopped and offered for me to hop up on his back... had my waking him up so early in the morning caused a personality change?

with me up on his shoulder larry set off towards downtown dunedin. being a full grown t-rex larry had to walk on the road rather than the sidewalk, making us all the more conspicuous.

well if the people of dunedin hadn't seen a tyrannosaur before than it's safe to say after today many of them have. the reactions varied between dumbfound shock, wonderment, or the most common panic, freight, and a LOT of screaming!

back in drumheller people were a lot more used to having dinosaurs around town, but then again that's what drum was famous for. you'd still have tourists through town that would react to us, but it wasn't every single person on the street... unlike here.

the worst part of this field trip with larry was intersections. if the people of dunedin didn't know anything about t-rexs, than larry didn't know anything about the rules of the road. the traffic problems he'd cause just by walking through red lights or onto the wrong side of the road were scary!

i let out a scream as we walked onto george street, the major thoroughfare of dunedin, as 4 lanes of oncoming traffic barely screech to a halt. oh man that was close. despite what movies show even a full grown t-rex could get seriously hurt or even killed by a full on collision with a car (granted the car would probably take it worse!).

"you disapprove of something cousin," larry noted moments after my scream, breaking the total silence of the walk.

"it's just," i hesitate. i don't want to make larry mad. falling off his back would probably cause me some major hurt, and that's only if he than didn't follow up after i was off his back. "why are we ignoring traffic?"

larry holds back an angry growl. i know cause it still vibrates in his chest which i'm sitting above. "is it cause they drive on the wrong side of the road?" i throw in hoping it will mitigate my previous question.

"why does it bother you cousin?" larry asks with a hint of disapproval.

"i don't like getting run over," i reply with only half the truth. of course i don't like getting run over, but i also don't like being a blatant problem to humans. we dinosaurs aren't rulers of the earth anymore, and we have to try and fit in.

"ah if that is all you are worried about then..." larry acknowledges. suddenly he lunges forward nearly jarring me off his back. digging my talons into his thick hide i barely maintain my grip.

i realize that larry is in a full on tyrannosaur charge... right for an oncoming car!

"wait larry! don't," i start pleading, but i am cut off...

a loud crunch of metal and glass echoes down the street as larry skilfully applied his colossal 6 tons of weight onto the hapless vehicle. crushing it promptly.

i feel my heart skip several beats as the cars horn begins going off broken by the impact... what has larry done!?!

i begin to despair. larry has by the second day of his visit completely destroyed my life...

then i see the most relieving thing ever! the driver of the car crawls out of the wreckage of her car, and manages to peel herself off the pavement and just starts running and screaming away from the scene.

"how'd you like that?" larry boasts as we resume walking. my head is still numb from the last minute.

"i learnt that trick while filming jurassic park the lost world ." larry goes on, totally undaunted by the fact he nearly killed an innocent woman, and no doubt has gotten us into tons of trouble. "so long as i can see the car coming i'm not worried about it. you just have to press down on the front part of the car, and not only do you stop it, but the shocks and wheels absorb the worst part of the momentum. so long as their going under 50 km an hour at least."

"do you have an idea how many laws you just broke?" i ask disgusted in total shock, oblivious to how this comment might effect larry's temperament.

"laws don't apply to us," larry smugly replies. "they were made for humans, and only effect humans."

his dismissal of the situation fills me with rage. which if you're a tyrannosaur is quite potent rage. i start to growl...

larry doesn't react typically. normally my growl would be a trigger for a fight (we t-rexs can be very aggressive and competitive towards one another. thus it is interwoven throughout our language tyrannosaurese). larry just starts laughing.

"that is more like it my cousin," larry says cheerfully, the first time he has been nice to me that i can remember. "now you're sounding like a true tyrannosaur. i was beginning to worry that being raised by that soft human had dulled your instincts."

"you could have hurt someone!" i snarl.

"but i didn't," larry turns his head round for the first time since i've been on his back. "you must stop putting the mammals before your own kind, cousin. it is a very concerning attitude that you have developed."

my growling increases. it is the tyrannosaur version of a death threat.

larry lets out a very loud roar for silence in the tone of a pack leader. in human terms if a t-rex pack were like a family than larry acted like dad telling the kids to listen up...

"who cares what i have done, traumador!" he asserts, addressing me by name as his eyes focus on me. "the mammals surely don't. they haven't ever bothered to include us in their society. certainly not their laws!"

"there is not a single law that refers to or applies to dinosaurian behaviour or conduct. only our bones. all they care about is our dead," larry venomously goes on. "had i killed that female there is nothing they could do to me, and the reason. they don't see it fit enough to even acknowledge my existence. anything i do to them is their own fault."

though what he says still enrages me i can't argue with him... larry is right. no where on earth has laws about to us few surviving and living dinosaurs. only fossils, and than it's only who can dig them up and put them in a collection...

"i understand your anger cousin," larry tries to calm the situation. "but save your emotion for the mammals. it is they who have trampled over your dreams and aspirations. not us."

who is this us larry is talking about?

i stew on the events of today's walk as we start walking past the iconic sites of downtown dunedin. among larry's favourites is the octagon cathedral.

"i have been wanting to do a remake of the valley of gwangi," larry muses. "this would make a perfect setting for the end fire."

typical egotistical larry i think. only he would think of casting himself as one of the most iconic dinosaurs in movie history... being mr. jurassic park, and the darling of the BBC dinosaur series isn't enough for larry. now he has to be the ONLY dinosaur in pop culture!?! i hope they remake gwangi and cast ANOTHER allosaur to play the lead role!

"you haven't said a word since you woke me up this morning cousin," larry finally notices. "come speak to me. i have travelled a long way to see you."

"about what?" i grumpily reply. "are you going to try and kill someone else if i do?"

"you are upset about the mammals," larry thinks out loud. he stops walking. "very well cousin. for the rest of my trip i shall try not to directly harm any of them since it uncomforts you so much."

wait what just happened? why the sudden turn around on his stance towards humans? a second ago he told me i was an idiot for feeling that way. now he's going out of his way to accommodate me... what gives???

"alright," i agree wanting that to stick. "what are we going to talk about though?"

i think with my tiny brain. then it hits me! valley of gwangi... movies... dinosaur movies!

i've been writing reviews of dinosaur movies lately, and here i am sitting on the back of some of the most influential dinosaur movies of all time (and trying get himself into more JERK!)...

the info could get for future reviews right now...

"what about some of your movies?" i prompt.

unsurprisingly larry is more than happy to talk about himself, and his fame and fortune. i'll get you that info in some nice new reviews. namely peter jackson's king kong and all the BBC dinosaur series (which craig just got me for my birthday!)

after an hour of this civil conversation, the day's previous drama came loudly back to our attention. police cars cut us off at the top of london street. now lucky for us in new zealand cops don't carry guns cause i'm pretty sure they would have opened fire instantly if they did.

instead over a loudphone "freeze! put your... uh... teeth and claws where we can see them!"

i started to panic. which caused me to chirp in tyrannosaurese a bad habit from my growing up among humans (i didn't need to watch my verbal or body language around them... unlike when i'm around other tyrannosaurs).

"don't act like a hatchling cousin!" larry snarled in disgust. the cops got antsy due to larry's speaking in tyrannosaurese (which is very frightening for people at the best of times). "remember what i said earlier. they have no grounds to bother us. tell them." larry referred to my being able to speak english.

"uh excuse me," i called down.

there was much surprise and astonishment within the police ranks. "you talk?!?" called back one of the officers.

"what are you charging us with?" i pretended to demand. this wasn't going to work i thought.

i was met with silence for several moments. "uh nothing," was the reply i got.

"good. now then tell them we'll be on our way," larry smugly instructs me.

"than you're going to have to let us go," i relay. i worry that they'll contact the department of conservation and find some reason to arrest me.

they seem at a lose to this turn of events. an angry boss looking police officer grabs the loud speaker "oh don't you things think you're clever? acting like a bunch of movie monsters, and than talk your way out of trouble. at least on the TV they can't talk."

he was right. more to the point i was letting larry drag me down into being a sterotypical tyrannosaur just like him...

where was the justice for that lady whose car we crushed, and tried to kill? was this how i was going to define my new life in dunedin by wrecking havoc, and getting away with it because i'm not part of the mainstream...

"it was an accident," i call back. i feel larry shift underneath me "we're sorry, and we're going to pay for a new car."

"what?!?" larry and the police officer ask in unison.

"you just told me how rich you are from jurassic park 3," i address larry. "and you just promised not to harm anymore humans on your trip. well guess what she's still harmed. so you pay for a new car or i'm not talking to you ever again!"

"my cousin here will write you a check for that lady," i call down to the police. "and you have my word that neither him nor i will cause this kind of damage again!"

i'm not sure who was more mad at me the police or larry.

fortunately larry gave them the money, and they reluctantly left. we started on our way back to the gardens.

the walk back was even quieter than our way into town at first. than larry spoke up.

"i'm impressed," larry said. "i never would have expect you of all dinosaurs to challenge me like that. you just made me pay $20,000 without so much as asking my permission."

he was right i did! wow come to think of it that was stupid! larry could easily have swallowed me in 10 seconds, and yet i'd put him on the spot without thinking... man that was dumb!

"to think that lillian said you had no spine at all," larry added knowing full well it would get to me. when had he talked to lillian, the girl of my dreams?

"you're going to have to tell me about your trip to drumheller," i demand of larry.

" you are right cousin. i do," larry agrees. dodging the question as he has been the whole trip though... "for now though let me tell you some more about my movies. as i recall we were interrupted in the middle of prehistoric park..."

he's going to run out of time to tell me sooner or later. what was he doing in at my old home the tyrrell? he hates drumheller and the museum... i also need to find out how larry knew i was in new zealand at all?

even more funny... as we got back to the garden and larry wrapped up his auditory autobiography he'd told me about all sorts of future projects, but made NO mention of this upcoming peter jackson movie of his...

to be continued...


waking a sleeping dragon (the visitor part 4)

so my cousin larry has shown up uninvited to visit me here in dunedin... the last thing i ever wanted to happen!

larry has caused some serious friction between me and my landlord. more to the point he has majorly jeopardized my being allowed to stay in this country through the department of conservation... this was all just during the first day of his visit!

i have at least 13 more days to go... then... or at least as larry claims... he is off to go audition for some new peter jackson movie (larry being the big hollywood star was in jackson's king kong), and will be out of my feathers as of that point.

larry hasn't told me why he wants to visit. typical really, what with larry being one of the biggest JERKS! i know...

i do seriously need to know more about his trip though. i've come up with a cunning plan to get information...

you see yesterday after all the "fun" with ben and agent hamilton, larry wanted to check out dunedin. rather than have even more "fun" i opted to goto bed. so showed larry to a nice spot a little ways away from the dell i live in.

it's now nice and early in the morning, and my plan is this... wake larry up, and in his sleepy state try and get him to tell me more about his intentions...

as i approached larry i realized this wasn't as easy a plan as it sounds. larry as a fully grown bull tyrannosaur isn't exactly the lightest of sleepers. i mean that in two ways. the first is that obviously he weighs a LOT! second as the top carnivore of the cretaceous (and easily here in new zealand!) he's not exactly conditioned to being weary in his sleep. only a fool would want to wake him up...

and i guess that's my cue... oh boy...

getting closer i try the safe route first. "psssst larry... larry are you awake?" i whisper some distance away. nothing.

"larry?" i try at normal volume. "LARRY!" i scream. he doesn't stir a muscle...

oh fun... this was what i was afraid of. no matter what volume i yell at him i don't think i could get wake him up.

i picked up a stick and threw it at him. i hit his nostril pretty much dead on. i'm reward with a slight sniffle from larry's nose.

it seems now to wake him my only choice is to get within the death zone, as it were. i'm going to have to hit him in the face...

he could easily gobble me up in his waking reflexes if i'm not careful.

creeping forward i pay close attention to whether my life is flashing before my eyes or not... the movies say that's a good way to see if you're dead meat or not. though i don't experience the flashback effect, i'm still not convinced of my not being dead meat...

as i get beside larry's great skull, and am penetrated by each laboured breath his massive lungs take, i brace myself for what could be my last action on this earth...

the moment of truth comes as i head butt larry beneath his eye (i'd have hit him, but we t-rexs have such short arms it'd have been like hitting larry with a pen...). his entire body suddenly surges to life as he awakes...

opening my eyes moments later i'm amazed that i'm still alive! larry simply raised his head to see what interrupted his sleep... rather then instinctively chomp down on the disturber... things have changed in 65 million years it seems!

"what do you want?" larry demands to know.

"it's time to get up," i tell him.

"very well," larry sleepily grumbles.

"larry there's some things i need to know," i spring on him.

he yawns with his colossal jaws, exposing the rows of rail spike sized teeth a reminder of the danger larry still poses to me and everyone else in dunedin. i'm rattled by the great clap of muscle and bone slamming back together he concludes the yawn. i start to regret my tact in this plan...

larry sensing my fear, and seeming to be aware of what i'm trying. "it can wait," he says groggily.

"why are you here?" i try one last time.

"to spend some quality time with a member of my family," replied larry.

i've never heard larry EVER refer to me as a member of his family. larry typically used to equate my small size, and preference to hang-out with humans as my being a sub-standard tyrannosaur. i know this because he told me several times in the past!

"many back home have grown concerned about you traumador. especially since your dismissal from the tyrrell," larry added.

"who?" i asked sceptically.

"your mother namely," larry replies sharply.

man larry has always been good at ruffling my feathers (even now after i've lost them all growing up). i haven't thought of my mom since my ill fated return to drumheller...

i forget my whole purpose of the wake up call with the reminder of my mother. larry senses he is gaining the initiative.

"not just her mind you," he carries on. "my mother black beauty, the daspletosaur triplets, and even lillian have asked about you."

larry has me dumbfounded. drowning me in my small brain with a sudden flood of homesickness. though i'd turned my back on dinosaur kind like it'd turned its back on me last year they are still part of many of my fondest memories...

"when were you in drumheller?" i asked longingly.

"just before i came here," larry responds lifting his immense weight into the air on his two pillar like legs. "i was visiting my mother at the tyrrell, when both her and her sister {my mother} wondered if i'd heard anything of you."

larry reminds me of my need for information. "how did you know i was here in new zealand?" i inquiry.

"many miss you at the tyrrell," larry dodged my question by straying back into nostalgia. he starts to walk around the clearing "i thought the most striking example was how the mosasaurs and pliosaurs in the bear paw gallery still howl every night expecting you to feed them."

"how did you know i was in new zealand?" i angrily repeat. there's no way larry would know about my feeding the marine reptiles in their exhibit unless he had been to the tyrrell. due to his movie stardom larry hadn't lived at the tyrrell very long, and that was well before my time...

larry holds his ground in not answering my question. instead letting loose his greatest weapon. "lillian sends her regards," i forget my questioning... again! lillian. there's a name i have thought of a few times as of late.

larry continues. "your mother hopes you will someday muster up the proper courage to mate with her," he starts to walk towards the path. "now come cousin. show me this new land of zea you have chosen to migrate to."

as we set off down the path i get furious with myself... not only did i not have any more answers than when i started, but now larry had gained the upper hand, and raised more questions.

was he telling the truth?

does everyone (that is the dinosaur everyones) back in drumheller miss me?

did lillian really want to say hi to me?

why did my mom talk to larry more than she ever has to me... her own son?!?

another thing suddenly dawned on me as we walked... we were walking!!! as in me and larry were about to walk out into dunedin... dunedin a city that had never ever seen a full grown tyrannosaur wander its streets...

well there was one up to this recent development... it was probably going to make yesterday seem like a much better day in comparison!

to be continued...


could it get any worse? (the visitor part 3)

well this week has thus far been a total disaster people of the web wide world. as of today i've been left wondering how can things get any worse?!?

my cousin larry's unannounced visit has nearly brought total disaster... out of all the people/dinosaurs who could have decided to visit me here in new zealand why'd it have to be larry?

he wouldn't say why though, and it's driving me a little crazy!

making matters worse i wasn't the first to find out about his arrival in town. my landlord ben the gardener came across larry first, and naturally wasn't too happy to discover a fully grown tyrannosaurus rex wandering his garden!

i was barely able to talk my way out of major trouble with ben, but 10 seconds after avoiding that barrel of monkeys i was shocked to see an even greater crisis unfold...

ben wasn't the only one who'd noticed larry (funny that... 40 foot long 20 foot high killer reptile/proto bird) in the garden. tons of locals saw him and frantically rang it into the authorities. it didn't take long for these complaints of a "roving tyrannosaurus rex" to come to the attention of my attache with the department of conservation. however when agent hamilton rushed to the garden to deal with the situation she thought it was me causing the problems...

i've heard a saying about making assumptions, but i can't remember it right now... cause man i'm starting to suspect larry planned his visit solely to destroy my new life in one fell swoop!

now from what little i know about my keeper from the department of conservation, agent hamilton, she'd never seen a dinosaur before me (as most people in new zealand. they've only got 7 known dinosaurs period, and ALL are from the northern island). i think she had done a little reading on t-rexs when coming up with my conservation program, but i don't think she ever realized that i was actually a true tyrannosaur.

what i mean is as i'm only 4 years old i still have a lot of growing to do (especially since i kinda got stuck on the growing factor at age 1... i'm way overdue for a growth spurt anytime now!). if you were to look at me, and not think about it you might not make the connection that i'm supposed to get up to larry's size...

well sadly agent hamilton had to make that realization in a more hands on fashion than she'd probably wanted too...

this was about the moment i reentered the story... having just dealt with ben's concerns about larry i turned to leave the garden's cafe only to discover agent hamilton outside frozen in bewilderment and terror...

with larry loaming right above her. now i know i've said this a million times people of the innerweb, but larry is a JERK! not only does he dislike humans, but he loves to scare them. especially ones he knows are important.

he could tell the agent hamilton was someone important, and more the point concerned with him (her staring in disbelief kinda gave her away). naturally as a colossal JERK! he had to make a point... one that was about to make my life WAY more difficult then ever before!

as larry leaned in closer to size up agent hamilton i felt my heart stop...

you see agent hamilton holds a great deal of power over my living in new zealand. after i completed a bunch of criteria for the government that allowed me to stay in the country i became the responsibility of DOC (that's the short version of the depart of conservation). as the only tyrannosaur (at the time anyway) of new zealand that made me an ubber endangered species, and new zealand takes protecting its wildlife seriously. so they assigned agent hamilton to my case...

the thing is agent hamilton hasn't been the warmest or friendliest of watchers, and i haven't had a chance to tell her much about my heritage or family... i was thinking i could ease her into my background as a tyrannical king lizard slowly... what with my being raised by humans has kind of dulled my saurian instincts. i thought this was a safe enough approach.

however seeing larry lean right at agent hamilton i knew that i was going to regret not mentioning it before...

especially since i knew the body posturing larry was using. he wasn't just checking hamilton out. he was about to declare his dominance...

i ran out of the cafe as fast as my tiny legs would take me (which considering i'm still built like a juvenile tyrannosaur is FAST! we're built like ornithimimids till we bulk up with age and growth) screaming in tyrannosaurese. "larry NOOOOOOO!"

i was too late though... larry paid no heed to my call. he let loose a full tyrannosaur 'welcome'. now i use the quotation marks because, though we t-rexs tend to greet each other with this bellow, it's not a nice greeting. unlike humans who try to get along right away; we tyrannosaurs are a little more confrontational. i guess it just shows the way times have changed.

65 million years ago you had to act big and pompous so that members of your pack took you seriously. sadly larry, and most of my relatives somehow haven't ever noticed that was then, and now millions of years later we'll never properly fit in with humans if we keep acting like the extinction event never happened.

now getting back to agent hamilton. a tyrannosaur greeting to a person (especially whose never seen a full grown t-rex before) can comes across as something between sheer terror and death itself.

i'm amazed agent hamilton didn't pass out. many others with more experience and knowledge have faired worse (most palaeontologists are known to have fainted during their first close encounter with a tyrannosaur)...

as a hardy civil servant agent hamilton was merely frozen in place gazing dumbfoundly where larry's eye had been... as larry himself just walked off.

i had finally managed to make my way to agent hamilton. "are you okay?" i reluctantly asked knowing the answer all to well.

the glare agent hamilton gave me told me everything i needed to know. had i been ice i'd have been boiled instantly...

agent hamilton hauled me off to the opposite side of the duck pond from the cafe, and larry. curious how both she and ben the gardener's first instinct is to talk to me as far out of larry's presence as they can... there is hope for them yet when it comes to dealing with t-rexs!

there wasn't a whole lot of hope for me though... agent hamilton was clearly NOT happy about larry's greeting...

"mr. tyrannosaur," she started in a very angry voice. the most emotion i've ever heard in her voice funny enough, but she paused for a second recomposing herself. it didn't fool me though. i knew she was furious. "i'm not sure where to begin..."

so i decided to take the initiative, and try and stop any more damage from being done. i was pretty sure that agent hamilton's complaints and concerns were going to similar to ben's.

after i finished telling her the few details i knew:

  • this wasn't a random tyrannosaur, but my cousin

  • i had no prior knowledge or warning of his coming

  • larry was only here to visit me, and engage in no other activities

  • he was here potentially filming a movie with peter jackson

  • he'd only be here in dunedin a couple weeks

"are you aware of the situation this constitutes mr. tyrannosaur?" agent hamilton said digesting the story i'd just told her.

"an ordinary visit from a distant relative?" i hopefully ventured.

"i'm aware of your limited cranial capacity mr. tyrannosaur," agent hamilton acknowledged. suddenly she pointed to larry, and her voice reverted to it's previous dark tone. "but how can even you possibly try and rationalize this as a 'ordinary' visitor?"

i was stumped... technically i didn't think he was an ordinary visitor. that alone a welcome one... i wanted him to leave even more than everyone else. i surrendered to feeling sorry for myself. i'm not sure why i felt sorry though? i hadn't done anything wrong!

"mr. tyrannosaur i'm going to level with you," agent hamilton's voice cut through my sulking to my spine. she was dead serious. "when the department agreed to allow you to stay in new zealand we were under the understanding and impression that you would be the sole member of your species to do so. the fact i suddenly, less then 6 months later, now am faced with a secondary individual is something of an alarming development."

"further more when we agreed to allow you to stay we were under the impression that you were not in fact a proper tyrannosaurus rex, but rather merely a smaller member of the tyrannosaurid family. hence the official designation tyrannasaurus rex traumadorius on your file. now your telling me that not only are you directly related to this proper specimen, but that you are indeed an individual of the same species. thus meaning that one day i could very well receive more welcomes like this afternoon's!"

i could see where this is going... but i was at a loss for words. i'd used up all my crafty thinking with ben... "i haven't grown at all in two years," i sadly stated, knowing that was hardly a defence.

"i'm going to have to conifer with the department mr. tyrannosaur on your status," agent hamilton stated... oh no! the one sentence that could finish me here in dunedin...

now i can understand perfectly why agent hamilton, and pretty much everyone else in new zealand, would be upset with the prospect of a normal tyrannosaur living in their country. their mean and dangerous brutes, but i'm NOT a normal t-rex!

i've spent my whole life living with and working with humans. to show how well i get along with humans (at least compared to other dinosaurs) i'm the only theropod in the world who speaks english. added to that i'm not a huge carnivore. i'm not even medium sized. i'm smaller than a full grown human for crying out loud!

leave it to larry JERK! king of all jerks to just show up, and half an hour later completely destroy my life (again!).

i held next to no hope as agent hamilton got on her mobile and started briefing her people about the surprise situation she'd discovered at the garden. i glared as angrily at larry as i could across the duck pond, but he didn't see me. i wished that i could somehow make him disappear, or wait better yet never exist at all!

he hadn't noticed me starring, and for the first few seconds i didn't comprehend why... that is till suddenly it hit me... larry wasn't just randomly wandering by the duck pond. he was stalking!

it was as if he knew that i had a tiny thread of a chance of surviving his visit, and so he was going to cut that as fast as possible. because you see people of the web wide world larry pounced on a couple of hapless tourists!!!

all whilst agent hamilton was in furious debate with her colleges over the phone about my fate...

for the millionthed time this day my heart stopped as larry clamped down on the two tourists, and proceeded to swallow them whole. nearly a moment later agent hamilton in the middle of her heated and furious phone call happened to look up...

i knew exactly how she felt when larry bellowed in her face that moment, and i nearly collapsed unconscious...

by some miracle agent hamilton didn't happen to look over larry's way as he finished swallowing his victims... hopefully no one will notice their missing!

i kept my eyes on larry for the next several minutes hoping beyond hope that he'd filled himself. interrupting my vigil was agent hamilton having concluded her phone call.

"well mr. tyrannosaur, your cousin," she started in a strained manner. "it appears he entered the country through legitimate, and thus legal means. we have no immediate concerns as to his activities while in new zealand."

"this incident seems to have raised the need for further consideration on part of the department regarding your status," agent hamilton continued. she glowered at me from above her sunglasses. the first time i'd ever seen agent hamilton's eyes! "i will be visiting you next month for a thorough re-examination and assessment of your biologic and behavioural threat margin."

in other words i may have gotten barely off the hook this time, but next month agent hamilton was coming back to find any excuse she could to kick me out of the country...

"good day mr. tyrannosaur," she concluded, and stormed off... it was official. agent hamilton now hated me.

before i could could brood or think about the revelations of this new fact in my existence larry stomped over to me. "so cousin show me around this place."

not only was everything in shambles and disarray, but larry was still here. he'd still be here for my to entertain and put up with for two weeks.

which brings this blog post full circle... i have have incidentally figured out how it could get worse. larry has accomplished to bulldoze major parts of my life in dunedin quite successful in his first hour here.

let us see if i can save any of it in the next 14 days!?!

to be continued...


the trouble with family dropping by... (the visitor part 2)

well if there's one thing i've learned in the last year is that i'm not in control of life...

i sometimes seriously wonder how everyone else in the world manages to control theirs so much compared to me? is that a human adaptation? is it caused by my brain being only the size of a peanut?

oh well... it's not the point of the story...

the point is that after spending the last 6 months building up a nice new quiet life in new zealand free of other dinosaurs out of the blue the ONE dinosaur i really really really didn't want to see ever again showed up at my front door (well okay technically garden gate).

that's right my cousin larry in the flesh. if it weren't for the fact that he is such a JERK! it might be exciting to see him. i mean how often is anyone ever visited by a hollywood movie star?

if you've seen any of the jurassic park movies or any recent dinosaur movie starring a t-rex then you know who larry is...

what most people don't know is that off screen he is self centered, arrogant, human hating, and a dinosaur supremacist. not too mention really big and scary in the flesh... even if you're another t-rex (bigger then me even!).

proving what a JERK! he is he didn't bother to announc or warn me about his visit at all. meaning it was my landlord ben the gardener who came across larry first. not me!

i'm quite sure ben as a new zealander, has never seen a fully grown dinosaur before. that alone the apex of dinosaur carnivores!!!

when i got there ben was understandably... uh unhappy...

i on the other hand couldn't think straight... of all the things from my old life in canada to show up why was it larry? last time i'd run into larry he'd been more than happy to destroy my quest to find a new home. no doubt that was what he was up to here...

i had to make sure ben didn't get caught in whatever larry was up to!

before i could act though seeing me come up ben angrily asked "would you care to explain to me traumador what this is, and why it is in my garden?!?"

i whispered to ben "i'll explain everything in a moment, but you must be careful what you say around larry. he doesn't speak english, but he does understand it."

larry bellowed in full tyrannosaurese (t-rex language... if you've seen jurassic park then you've heard tyrannosaurese) which as a very loud and scary roar caused ben to coware. "cousin it is good to see you."

"uh hi larry," i was uncertain. larry's voice was its usual dismissing tone, but yet it wasn't mean like normal. "what are you doing here?" i hoped the direct approach might get me an answer.

"visiting you," he replied matter of factly still devoid of emotion.

his answer made no sense at all though... in the 4 years i've been alive he's never called or written... that alone visited me!?!

before i could get anymore details i noticed ben looking extremely frightened beside me... "right!" i was speaking to larry in tyrannosaurese too... oops! even though i'm a tiny t-rex i'm told that our language is scary no matter who is speaking it...

i needed to calm ben down right away... i couldn't afford to lose my home over larry's JERK!yness

"larry i just need a second, to talk to this man for a second," i was grabbing at straws. like larry would do what i was asking. "would you mind giving me a moment?"

after a delay, too my amazement. "very well," larry grumpily replied. "i'm a little jet lagged stretching my legs would be nice. Do not take long."

just like that larry wandered a little ways off. much to the wonderment of some tourists nearby...

ben clearly noticed we were both in the clear, and had heeded my warning about larry's english fluency whispered "traumador," though his voice was low his anger came through loud and clear. "come with me a moment." he motioned with his finger and we walked toward the garden cafe.

i wasn't going to say no to that... larry didn't sound to happy about being made to wait. getting indoors was a good way to possibly survive the oncoming rampage...

mind you i was going into an enclosed space with an enraged gardener. in hindsight this was really a lose/lose situation!

getting inside the cafe ben's... uh... i'll have to go with displeasure... yeah displeasure is the best way to describe it... displeasure was abundantly clear.

"i know this looks bad," i started. desperately with my limited brain power to think of something. "but i can explain."

"looks bad!?!," ben growled. pointing to larry lurking out the window. "there is a GIANT monster in my garden!"

"well technically he's a dinosaur not a monster," i corrected instinctively. "a tyrannosaurus rex (like me) orignially from the late cretaceous period. a member of the ceolorasaur family, and one of closest relatives to a bird around the tyrannosaurus is a highly derivied theropod... espically when compared to other large theropods like the allosaurus or giganatosaurus." man and who says i didn't learn anything from all that training brad gave me at the tyrrell!

though i probably shouldn't have been such a smarty pants... ben was not impressed.

"i'm sorry traumador," his voice dropped, but i knew it was coming right back up... "there is a giant TYRANNOSAURUS REX IN MY GARDEN!"

"yeah," i reluctantly replied.

"why?" ben insisted.

"i don't know," i admitted.

"what do you mean you don't know?" ben challenged.

"i had no idea that he was going to visit me," i declared.

"you had no idea?" ben paused. "you mean to tell me, NOW, that there has always been a possibility of that coming to visit you!?!"

"i guess so," i confessed. i'd never actually thought about it, but ben was right. there obviously nothing stopping larry from coming to see me in theory.

"traumador," ben said after a moment. "i want you to understand something. i'm not happy at all right now with your living in the gardens. now to be fair you've had a very low impact on the garden since you moved in. i only hear the odd complaint here and there about a large lizard."

"when i let you move in there though i figured it would only be you." ben explained. "as in no other tyrannosaurs or alsauruses or gigglosauruses or whatever you call them."

"take a look out that window for just a moment traumador," ben went on. "had you mentioned the possibility of something like this coming into my garden i would never have let you move in. do you know the kind of damage that thing could do to my garden? have you seen the 3 trees its already knocked over just walking in?!? what about when it gets hungry??? what if it is just some innocent visitor to the garden! did you ever think of that?!?!?!?"

wow he can yell loud when he's mad! i just stood still, as it was the best when back in the olden days to avoid getting in more trouble when craig or dan were mad at me... after almost a minute of silence ben got kind of surprised.

"uh traumador," he sounded concerned. i still remained perfectly still. even after he waved his hand in front of my face. "what are you doing?"

"not answering," i broke my frozeness for a second but promptly resumed.

"why not?" he was drawn out of his anger for a second.

"i don't want to get grounded," i ventured.

ben started laughing... i was confused?

"grounded?" ben said recomposing himself.

"well yeah... that's what always happened to me when i made people mad in drumheller," i stated. what else could happen when people were this mad at you?

ben chuckled a bit. "okay i'm sorry traumador," ben sounded a little more like his cheerful self. "i guess i got a little carried away... 'grounded' *chuckle*... could you though please just tell me what's going on?"

"i don't really know," i answered. "all i know is that that's my cousin larry out there, and he says he's here to visit me. i swear i have no idea why."

i explained to ben my history with larry.

"well maybe you should ask him why," ben suggested clearly wanting to know the answer himself.

looking out the window there was larry who by now was very close to the cafe clearly wanting me to come outside. "do i have to?" i pleaded.

ben just nodded.

walking outside i was greeted by "what took so long?"

"the locals aren't used to dinosaurs larry," i added in. "especially one like you."

"who cares what the humans are used too?" larry dismissed.

"i do," i interjected. "that's my landlord in there. if you keep being... uh... well you... i'm going to get kicked out of my home."

larry didn't respond.

"what are you doing here larry?" i asked again.

"do i have to repeat everything?" he groaned. even though this was the first time he'd had to repeat himself. "visiting you. happy 4th hatching day by the way."

okay all he did was just repeat himself, and well why the wishing me a happy hatching day?

"why are you visiting me?" i geniunely wanted to know.

"peter jackson is looking at having a t-rex in his next movie, and so i'm down here to audition," larry stated. right! after starring in jurassic park and walking with dinosaurs larry had been in new zealander peter jackson's king kong...

"since i was in the neighborhood i thought i'd look you up." larry concluded.

how did larry know i was in new zealand? apart from craig, mike, and peter bond no one from canada should have any clue where i ended up... i had to keep my plans secret when i smuggled myself into new zealand.

"how long is this audition for?" i asked thinking not short enough!

"at least the next couple of weeks," larry answered. "if i get cast i could be in new zealand at least a few months."

great! just what i needed to hear... but as though he could hear my thoughts (oh right, i'm so used to humans not reading t-rex body language i forgot to control my movement during conversations) larry contuined. "if i'm in the movie i'll be living on set."

okay that was good. in fact that answered everything!... well except for how he knew i was in new zealand in the first place?... he must just on his way to or from the audition, and is here to just literally looking me up, and then keep going!

i relaxed. well if this was all i was going to be seeing of larry then might as well act friendly and familyey. "what are you going to do till the end of the auditions?" i causually asked. expecting stories of a fun movie star style holiday. i wonder if his wife teresa was going to meet up with him down here?

i was doubly surprised when he answered. "hang around with you," my heart stopped...

"as in here? in dunedin," i found myself mouthing. "with me?"

"yes," larry replied.

"for a couple weeks?" i was just thinking out loud.

"yes," larry answered as emotionless as the beginning of this whole conversation.

"where will you be staying?" i realized in dread.

"here with you," he replied matter of factly. "i want to see how you're living, and make sure being removed from your own kind hasn't made you soft."

this was bad... real bad... doubly bad!

not only was there NO way that ben was going to let larry stay here... leading to a t-rex rampage that could only end terribly for all concerned... but since the end of my BC quest i'd turned my back on my tyrannosaur and dinosaurian roots... dinosaurs have become mean since extinction!

"though how i'm going to manage staying here in this place is beyond me," larry grumbled as a number of tourists carefully approached us to get a picture of larry. "they let just about anyone in here." he said repulsed.

that was it! that was the answer! okay it wasn't anywhere near a happy or fun situation i was signing on for... having to deal with larry for a few weeks... but at least i had a way for him to stay, and not cause a problem with ben!

"stay here," i told larry. "i need to talk to my landlord for a second."

running back in ben asked. "so what's going on?"

i relayed the important information. after hearing the bit about larry staying here in the gardens ben protested thinking i was joking "absolutely not!"

to which i countered. "aren't the gardens open to everyone, and anyone?"

ben paused for a moment thinking about it. i jumped in. "look i know this isn't ideal. i REALLY don't want him here either, but just think about what he could and will do if we say no to him..."

on this last point ben seemed to come around. "alright traumador, but..." he warned. "if there are any problems, and i mean any, you won't be welcome in the gardens anymore."

"there won't be. i promise," i thinly lied.

oh man... that raised the stakes a LOT! one mess up, and bang i was kicked out of the gardens!

okay all i have to do is keep larry entertained, and away from people... well he's expecting me to act like a true dinosaur. so all i have to do is take him deep into the woods, and hideout... yeah that'd work.

things were going to maybe work on this just fine i thought to myself heading back outside...

i'd thought too soon. for little did i realize ben wasn't the only one who'd found out about larry's arrivial in dunedin. agent hamilton of the department of conservation had recieved several frantic phonecalls from people about a tyrannosaurus rex in the gardens, and thinking it was me up to trouble, she came down to deal with the situation...

man was she in for a surprise!

oh boy...

to be continued...


surprise surprise (the visitor part 1)

well it's official people of the innerweb, my life in new zealand ceased being nice simple and uncomplicated today.

if anything i'm left really wishing i could somehow rewind my watch (which i still haven't figured out to do... why'd i throw the instructions out) and go back in time... which would put me back in my past...

see i moved to new zealand to get away from the past, and to just restart. it works in video games all the time!

what happens instead? right when i'm settling into a nice new existence a big part of my past has to come looking for me!

i'm jumping ahead in the story though... let's go back to earlier today...

it started off as a real fun day. deciding that i still hadn't explored the botanic gardens enough... which is a little bit of a crime considering i've lived in them for 5 years! in my defense they are HUGE... i set about to finally check out the aviary which is located on the other side of the gardens from the dell...

part of the reason was just natural curiosity, but to be honest the other reason is that i wanted to get a better grasp of the layout of the gardens in case the ghostlights come back...

the aviary was a bit of a surprise (my first, but not last of the day). rather then an airport i was expecting (i'm used to aviary being a word about airplanes... not avians) it was a bunch of big bird cages!

it was a super cool place! sort of like a bird only zoo... well mini zoo... okay actually more like just the bird section from a zoo... point is it was sweet!

i had lots of fun checking out the many different birds. some were big, small, pretty, hideous, but they were all relatives of mine. it's nice to see that we dinosaurs still have had an impact on the world outside of museums and the movies.

my favs were the kaka's. a native parrot of new zealand.

their very smart, curious, and friendly. i ended up hanging with them all afternoon...

kakas are really good acrobats and gymnasts who climbed their cages with no problems at all.

they love chewing on hard stuff. the various logs and trees in their cage don't stand a chance hahahaha

so it was nice to make some friends with my great great great... uh... just times great a few million times grand cousins. after the whole afternoon the kakas had taken a shining to me, and using some of my coelurosaurian language skills i was able to kind of talk to them... only very simple stuff, but if i come back more and practise some more i might be able to pick up true avian!

after spending the whole afternoon on this fun activity i figured it was time to get home, and get ready for work which i had later in the night.

starting to walk home, i was surprised (as i am everytime) by my cell-phone ringing... i don't get a lot of calls. last time i did peter confused me, and made me kinda sketchy on the whole phone thing. the phone call i got this time has sealed the deal on my feelings about my cell-phone...

it was my landlord ben the gardener. "traumador?" he sounded uncomfortable. "if it's not an inconvenience could you please meet me down by the garden plaza?"

i replied. "well ben it is kinda an inconvenience. i've got work in a couple hours, and i need to get ready. can't it wait till tomorrow? i'll buy the coffee!" i added hoping that would make up for my having to bail.

i didn't like putting ben off a day, as he was nice enough to live in the garden for free, but i didn't want to get in trouble at work.

"i'm afraid i'm going to have to insist," ben angrily stated. "there's a..." he paused sounding as though he was petrified of something on his end of the line. "visitor to the garden who could only be looking for you, and i need you to come deal with them now!"

"okay," i replied puzzled. "who is it?" anybody who'd come to visit me these days like agent hamilton or ms. rhownyn would just call me like ben had...

"they haven't been so kind as to give me a name..." ben started suddenly there was a loud noise on his end of the phone. "oh dear god not the ginko tree! TRAUMADOR get down here this instant please!"

his voice stayed quiet in volume as though not to be overheard, but the tone was furious... what could kind of visitor could i have to make ben so upset?

if only i'd known what i was walking into...

arriving at the plaza i beheld a sight that made my heart stop... there with ben stood my cousin larry! the last person or dinosaur i expected to EVER come and visit me here in new zealand...

last time i saw larry was in vancouver, and it was typical of our exchanges... not pleasant at all. larry is among the biggest jerks i know! he hates me almost as much as i don't like him... what on earth was he doing here?

more to the point new zealanders don't have much contact with dinosaurs at the best of times... there is no way the people of dunedin were going to be ready for a full grown tyrannosaur wandering around!

snapping me back to the present. "would you care to explain to me traumador what this is, and why it is in my garden?!?" ben demanded.

oh man people of the web wide world, ben sounds really upset, and frankly i don't blame him one bit!

why is larry here? what am i going to do to get rid of him? why of all the things that could happen to me did it have to be larry?!?

to be continued...


one year later! how things have changed...

wow! time sure flies when you're having life altering experiences doesn't it people of the web wide world?

can you believe it i've been on-a-line for a whole year now!

i can't get over how much things have changed since then... and my blog has covered it all.

normally my tiny brain doesn't afford me a very long term long term memory, but now i can just go back and read my own past!

it's got it all... the end of the good old days at the tyrrell... up to my wandering canada invainly trying to find a dinosaurless land... to my daring smuggling myself into new zealand... up to my recent settling in and establishing myself here down under...

might as well take the time on this 1 year anniversary to wander down memory lane flashback style and look at the big events of this big transitional time...


man i was almost a totally different dinosaur back when i started my blog... i of course lived in my hometown of drumheller (the dinosaur capital of canada!) and worked at the dinosaur equivalent of disney world the royal tyrrell museum.

back in those naive days of mine i thought that nothing would ever change when it came to these big lifestyle details...


well okay this is before my blogging technically, but i have blogged about how craig stumbled across my preserved egg in the middle of the alberta badlands. also considering it was just my hatching day a month ago this was of course a BIG event that allowed my life to happen at all...


in the early days of my blog (but the end of the good old days) i told you of one of the more exciting aspects of my life at the tyrrell. that was getting to work with and hang out with actual palaeontologists.

however one of my last official tasks working for the tyrrell was accompanying dr. donald brinkman on a micro fossil hunt! man that was a real honour and treat!


the last thing i tried to do while still a part of the tyrrell family was to try and act on my HUGE crush on lillian the albertosaur...

it of course didn't go anywhere near the way i'd hoped... after all why would a saurian goddess, huge tourist mega star, and all round hot female like her want to go out with a little runt of a t-rex like me?

this sadly played a bit of a part in the biggest event to EVER happen in my life...


of course the BIGGEST event to happen to me in the last year was my being fired/laid off from the royal tyrrell museum...


in the aftermath of the end of everything i'd ever known i decided i needed to get back in touch with what it is to be a dinosaur. so i embarked on a quest to find the 65th million block of BC (british columbia, canada).

on the way i discovered a WHOLE community of dinosaurs called dinotown. however being cut off from the outside world for eons, and populated by paranoid herbivores they won't let me live there...


arriving in vancouver i had a realization... trying to build a whole new life is hard! why do it alone?

so i sought out and found the services of special talent agent peter bond... who has ever since saving my scales... well at least till lately...


reaching my goal of 65 million BC i was pleasantly surprised to find a bunch of dinosaurs... unpleasantly i misunderstood what 65 million BC i was looking for... turns out i wanted 65 million years BC (little did i know canadian provinces don't all use metric time!) not 65 million BC the address. turned out these dinosaurs were just part of a travelling dinosaur exhibit...

also of an unpleasant was finding my cousin larry as the star attraction of the exhibit... me and larry don't exactly get along... what with his being a major JERK! and all...


failing to find a new home or place in BC i returned to drumheller in hopes that i could somehow pick up at the tyrrell where i'd left off...

funny how nothing i planned ever works out...


having discovered that due to the limited need or want for dinosaurs in human society, i decided i needed to relocate to a part of the world without any dinosaurs to help even out my odds.

so i sought out the help of craig's informational guru friend mike the librarian to try and research such a location on earth...


finding that the south island of new zealand has no indigenous dinosaurs and craig's heading over there for skool i might have smuggled myself over in his luggage without his knowledge or permission... but i say MIGHT have... for legal reasons i can't say much more on the subject...

arriving as an "alien species" (which is one of the stupidest things anyone's ever called me... i'm a dinosaur not an alien!) the government set out a number really hard criteria i had to meet by march 31st or i'd be deported...


in my efforts to meet the governments requirements i helped a dude named andrew put on a show for kids... it was a fun time!


one of my major criteria for the government was a permanent place to live. having been unable to find anywhere i could afford (on a budget of $0) i got lucky finding the head gardener of the dunedin botanic garden ben. he was nice enough to let me move into the deep forest of the garden's upper dell.


the last major component of my government criteria was a job. having had a bad bought of luck with every musuem or museum like institution since and including the tyrrell with such places as devil's coulee, the vancouver ecocentre, and vancouver aquarium i was thinking me and museums were a bad combination...

that is till i without ANY problems at all scored a nice easy job as a security guard at the otago museum...


with my criteria met i became a legal extracontinental organism of new zealand. there are a lot of rules on my existence here, but at least i have a new home to start a new life for myself...


i have a cool new boss ms. rhonwyn. i want to get to know her a bit better, but thus far she's been away from the museum a lot... there also seems to some stuff worrying her about the safety of the museum.


recently i've also been given my own conservation program with the new zealand department of conservation. it includes these really cool signs all around the botanic garden...

however with my conservation program comes some slight complications. in this case my attache with department agent hamilton... she's a bit gruff and cold, but i think she has my best interests in mind...


sadly life hasn't all been fun and games here in new zealand. especially lately. i've had some very unusual problems pop up.

the most notable is the fact that the upper dell of the garden i'm living in is, according to legend, some sort of crazy maze of doom... people who enter it never return... i've been warned about it not just by ben the gardener, but also the department of conservation through agent hamilton!

making this maze all the more scary and undesirable to live by is the fact that recently it has been haunted by ghosts lights... they wander around at night, and if i listen carefully i think i hear them talking...


my other major problem in new zealand is my first human enemy... the germ-man who has been nothing but mean to me for next to no reason...

the future
well that's the year in review. who knows what my future holds? if you do could you please message me!
here's to many more yearly reviews here on my blog!