i sometimes seriously wonder how everyone else in the world manages to control theirs so much compared to me? is that a human adaptation? is it caused by my brain being only the size of a peanut?
oh well... it's not the point of the story...
the point is that after spending the last 6 months building up a nice new quiet life in new zealand free of other dinosaurs out of the blue the ONE dinosaur i really really really didn't want to see ever again showed up at my front door (well okay technically garden gate).
that's right my cousin larry in the flesh. if it weren't for the fact that he is such a JERK! it might be exciting to see him. i mean how often is anyone ever visited by a hollywood movie star?
if you've seen any of the jurassic park movies or any recent dinosaur movie starring a t-rex then you know who larry is...
what most people don't know is that off screen he is self centered, arrogant, human hating, and a dinosaur supremacist. not too mention really big and scary in the flesh... even if you're another t-rex (bigger then me even!).
proving what a JERK! he is he didn't bother to announc or warn me about his visit at all. meaning it was my landlord ben the gardener who came across larry first. not me!
i'm quite sure ben as a new zealander, has never seen a fully grown dinosaur before. that alone the apex of dinosaur carnivores!!!
when i got there ben was understandably... uh unhappy...
i on the other hand couldn't think straight... of all the things from my old life in canada to show up why was it larry? last time i'd run into larry he'd been more than happy to destroy my quest to find a new home. no doubt that was what he was up to here...
i had to make sure ben didn't get caught in whatever larry was up to!
before i could act though seeing me come up ben angrily asked "would you care to explain to me traumador what this is, and why it is in my garden?!?"
i whispered to ben "i'll explain everything in a moment, but you must be careful what you say around larry. he doesn't speak english, but he does understand it."
larry bellowed in full tyrannosaurese (t-rex language... if you've seen jurassic park then you've heard tyrannosaurese) which as a very loud and scary roar caused ben to coware. "cousin it is good to see you."
"uh hi larry," i was uncertain. larry's voice was its usual dismissing tone, but yet it wasn't mean like normal. "what are you doing here?" i hoped the direct approach might get me an answer.
"visiting you," he replied matter of factly still devoid of emotion.
his answer made no sense at all though... in the 4 years i've been alive he's never called or written... that alone visited me!?!
before i could get anymore details i noticed ben looking extremely frightened beside me... "right!" i was speaking to larry in tyrannosaurese too... oops! even though i'm a tiny t-rex i'm told that our language is scary no matter who is speaking it...
i needed to calm ben down right away... i couldn't afford to lose my home over larry's JERK!yness
"larry i just need a second, to talk to this man for a second," i was grabbing at straws. like larry would do what i was asking. "would you mind giving me a moment?"
after a delay, too my amazement. "very well," larry grumpily replied. "i'm a little jet lagged stretching my legs would be nice. Do not take long."
just like that larry wandered a little ways off. much to the wonderment of some tourists nearby...
ben clearly noticed we were both in the clear, and had heeded my warning about larry's english fluency whispered "traumador," though his voice was low his anger came through loud and clear. "come with me a moment." he motioned with his finger and we walked toward the garden cafe.
i wasn't going to say no to that... larry didn't sound to happy about being made to wait. getting indoors was a good way to possibly survive the oncoming rampage...
mind you i was going into an enclosed space with an enraged gardener. in hindsight this was really a lose/lose situation!
getting inside the cafe ben's... uh... i'll have to go with displeasure... yeah displeasure is the best way to describe it... displeasure was abundantly clear.
"i know this looks bad," i started. desperately with my limited brain power to think of something. "but i can explain."
"looks bad!?!," ben growled. pointing to larry lurking out the window. "there is a GIANT monster in my garden!"
"well technically he's a dinosaur not a monster," i corrected instinctively. "a tyrannosaurus rex (like me) orignially from the late cretaceous period. a member of the ceolorasaur family, and one of closest relatives to a bird around the tyrannosaurus is a highly derivied theropod... espically when compared to other large theropods like the allosaurus or giganatosaurus." man and who says i didn't learn anything from all that training brad gave me at the tyrrell!
though i probably shouldn't have been such a smarty pants... ben was not impressed.
"i'm sorry traumador," his voice dropped, but i knew it was coming right back up... "there is a giant TYRANNOSAURUS REX IN MY GARDEN!"
"yeah," i reluctantly replied.
"why?" ben insisted.
"i don't know," i admitted.
"what do you mean you don't know?" ben challenged.
"i had no idea that he was going to visit me," i declared.
"you had no idea?" ben paused. "you mean to tell me, NOW, that there has always been a possibility of that coming to visit you!?!"
"i guess so," i confessed. i'd never actually thought about it, but ben was right. there obviously nothing stopping larry from coming to see me in theory.
"traumador," ben said after a moment. "i want you to understand something. i'm not happy at all right now with your living in the gardens. now to be fair you've had a very low impact on the garden since you moved in. i only hear the odd complaint here and there about a large lizard."
"when i let you move in there though i figured it would only be you." ben explained. "as in no other tyrannosaurs or alsauruses or gigglosauruses or whatever you call them."
"take a look out that window for just a moment traumador," ben went on. "had you mentioned the possibility of something like this coming into my garden i would never have let you move in. do you know the kind of damage that thing could do to my garden? have you seen the 3 trees its already knocked over just walking in?!? what about when it gets hungry??? what if it is just some innocent visitor to the garden! did you ever think of that?!?!?!?"
wow he can yell loud when he's mad! i just stood still, as it was the best when back in the olden days to avoid getting in more trouble when craig or dan were mad at me... after almost a minute of silence ben got kind of surprised.
"uh traumador," he sounded concerned. i still remained perfectly still. even after he waved his hand in front of my face. "what are you doing?"
"not answering," i broke my frozeness for a second but promptly resumed.
"why not?" he was drawn out of his anger for a second.
"i don't want to get grounded," i ventured.
ben started laughing... i was confused?
"grounded?" ben said recomposing himself.
"well yeah... that's what always happened to me when i made people mad in drumheller," i stated. what else could happen when people were this mad at you?
ben chuckled a bit. "okay i'm sorry traumador," ben sounded a little more like his cheerful self. "i guess i got a little carried away... 'grounded' *chuckle*... could you though please just tell me what's going on?"
"i don't really know," i answered. "all i know is that that's my cousin larry out there, and he says he's here to visit me. i swear i have no idea why."
i explained to ben my history with larry.
looking out the window there was larry who by now was very close to the cafe clearly wanting me to come outside. "do i have to?" i pleaded.
ben just nodded.
walking outside i was greeted by "what took so long?"
"the locals aren't used to dinosaurs larry," i added in. "especially one like you."
"who cares what the humans are used too?" larry dismissed.
"i do," i interjected. "that's my landlord in there. if you keep being... uh... well you... i'm going to get kicked out of my home."
larry didn't respond.
"what are you doing here larry?" i asked again.
"do i have to repeat everything?" he groaned. even though this was the first time he'd had to repeat himself. "visiting you. happy 4th hatching day by the way."
okay all he did was just repeat himself, and well why the wishing me a happy hatching day?
"why are you visiting me?" i geniunely wanted to know.
"peter jackson is looking at having a t-rex in his next movie, and so i'm down here to audition," larry stated. right! after starring in jurassic park and walking with dinosaurs larry had been in new zealander peter jackson's king kong...
"since i was in the neighborhood i thought i'd look you up." larry concluded.
how did larry know i was in new zealand? apart from craig, mike, and peter bond no one from canada should have any clue where i ended up... i had to keep my plans secret when i smuggled myself into new zealand.
"how long is this audition for?" i asked thinking not short enough!
"at least the next couple of weeks," larry answered. "if i get cast i could be in new zealand at least a few months."
great! just what i needed to hear... but as though he could hear my thoughts (oh right, i'm so used to humans not reading t-rex body language i forgot to control my movement during conversations) larry contuined. "if i'm in the movie i'll be living on set."
okay that was good. in fact that answered everything!... well except for how he knew i was in new zealand in the first place?... he must just on his way to or from the audition, and is here to just literally looking me up, and then keep going!
i relaxed. well if this was all i was going to be seeing of larry then might as well act friendly and familyey. "what are you going to do till the end of the auditions?" i causually asked. expecting stories of a fun movie star style holiday. i wonder if his wife teresa was going to meet up with him down here?
i was doubly surprised when he answered. "hang around with you," my heart stopped...
"as in here? in dunedin," i found myself mouthing. "with me?"
"yes," larry replied.
"for a couple weeks?" i was just thinking out loud.
"yes," larry answered as emotionless as the beginning of this whole conversation.
"where will you be staying?" i realized in dread.
"here with you," he replied matter of factly. "i want to see how you're living, and make sure being removed from your own kind hasn't made you soft."
this was bad... real bad... doubly bad!
not only was there NO way that ben was going to let larry stay here... leading to a t-rex rampage that could only end terribly for all concerned... but since the end of my BC quest i'd turned my back on my tyrannosaur and dinosaurian roots... dinosaurs have become mean since extinction!
"though how i'm going to manage staying here in this place is beyond me," larry grumbled as a number of tourists carefully approached us to get a picture of larry. "they let just about anyone in here." he said repulsed.
that was it! that was the answer! okay it wasn't anywhere near a happy or fun situation i was signing on for... having to deal with larry for a few weeks... but at least i had a way for him to stay, and not cause a problem with ben!
"stay here," i told larry. "i need to talk to my landlord for a second."
running back in ben asked. "so what's going on?"
i relayed the important information. after hearing the bit about larry staying here in the gardens ben protested thinking i was joking "absolutely not!"
to which i countered. "aren't the gardens open to everyone, and anyone?"
ben paused for a moment thinking about it. i jumped in. "look i know this isn't ideal. i REALLY don't want him here either, but just think about what he could and will do if we say no to him..."
on this last point ben seemed to come around. "alright traumador, but..." he warned. "if there are any problems, and i mean any, you won't be welcome in the gardens anymore."
"there won't be. i promise," i thinly lied.
oh man... that raised the stakes a LOT! one mess up, and bang i was kicked out of the gardens!
okay all i have to do is keep larry entertained, and away from people... well he's expecting me to act like a true dinosaur. so all i have to do is take him deep into the woods, and hideout... yeah that'd work.
things were going to maybe work on this just fine i thought to myself heading back outside...
i'd thought too soon. for little did i realize ben wasn't the only one who'd found out about larry's arrivial in dunedin. agent hamilton of the department of conservation had recieved several frantic phonecalls from people about a tyrannosaurus rex in the gardens, and thinking it was me up to trouble, she came down to deal with the situation...
man was she in for a surprise!
to be continued...