sweet sweet freedom (the centre part 7)

61.6 million BC

well people of the innerweb it's official. i am a pardoned tyrannosaur, but it was pretty touch and go for a while... uh i'm not sure what that saying means actually, there was no touching of anything and definately no going anywhere. more sitting in a cell whistling (they wouldn't give me a harmonica!). they just say touch and go on star trek all the time!

now i don't want to bore you with a lot of details... well actually i'd rather just forget this whole incident... here's what happened in a fast fashion

i went to prison on friday. for all of saturday i just sat in a jail cell... it's pretty boring. not sure if the prison guards knew that or not. they should really look into that. makes jail almost a punishment or something...

anyways sunday was my hearing. now when they asked me who my representation was i thought the answer was pretty obvious. my talent agent peter bond!

turns out they wanted a lawyer... man just when i thought jail was boring. now i was going to be in a real life court show. i HATE lawyer shows. their sooooo boring. no explosions or kung fu or dinosaurs!

well they'd already called peter when they realized i'd asked for my agent. in the midst of trying to find my a lawyer mr. bond showed up, and learning of the situation said for me not to panic. in addition to being a talent agent he was also an attorney at law on the side... you know to supplement his income. he doesn't like to boost this mr. bond...

so the hearing went quick. peter was way cooler then a TV lawyer! before opening statements he leaps up "your honor" (not sure why you'd address a judges honor directly... they look kinda scary with those black robes they wear and the white wigs... and if they have honor it means they fought someone for it!)

"this case is a farce! not only do you have no authority charging that alone convicting my client, but you are violating the law of the jungle!"

so turns out they can't charge me with murder as i'm not human. this being a t-rex thing is really paying off these days! not only that but in the law of the jungle it is stated that one must eat or be eaten, and as i was the eater i am not only innocent, but i could pursue legal action against the centre...

alright! i thought FINALLY some action! well sadly the judge dismissed the case before any kung fu started. the good news was they released me... wish lawyer shows were over that fast on TV! be more time for star trek then!


peter was happy with the results... but he was even happier with the response outside! there were all kinds of reporters who wanted to talk to me!!! so i told them all about my adventures...

peter says things can only go up from here.

though mike said he wouldn't need me to come into work tomorrow... or ever again, but that he'd keep paying me. so long as i never came near him or the centre again...

isn't that sweet people of the innerweb. i get a paid vaccation!!!

well in which case time to start looking for 65 million BC again!

worst lunch ever! (the centre part 6)

61.504 million BC

okay well the last 24 hours have been a little crazy...

it all started yesterday when mike took my out for lunch to the toefood barn.

it started off really nice and normal seeming. my first clue there'd be trouble... checking out the menu i had no idea what i should order. i asked mike to recommend the most meat like product on the menu. he said the toefood sampler would have something i'd like.

after we'd made the order mike wanted to talk to me about the big opening of the play in the afternoon. he was really counting on us to give a good performance. i was feeling up to it... so long as i had some food in me. man was i hunger

finally they brought us out the appetizers. man were they really gross. each piece of it was jellyfied vegtables... after washing each of them down with lots of water i couldn't wait to get my main course.

well turned out that was the main course! at least i wasn't hungry. i was just the MOST sick to my stomach i'd ever been!

getting back to the centre i staggered through the preperation of the show. barely getting my makeup on, and i didn't even notice the time leading up to curtains up. fortunently i had till the end of act 1 before i had anything to do...

i won't gross you out with details of my not feeling so good. i know they say during a show your supposed to get butterflies in your stomach, but i didn't know that they were killer vampire butterflies!!!

fortuently i felt much better in time for my first lines...

the show was going great. i felt fantastic. act 2 was going incredibely well, and then WHAM! i got hit with hunger...

well rather then tell you about the fun that was, peter told me i should just post this news broadcast about the incident. he said no publicity is bad publicity...



they make it out like i meant to eat them... i was just really really really hungry! though i think i had another instinctive t-rex moment...

the bad news i spent the rest of the night trying to out run the really grumpy police dogs in the woods. they eventually caught me due to a tip from some stupid boyscouts!

now i'm in jail here today, and waiting for my trial. worst part was i wasted my one phone call calling peter who just told me to post the newstory and enter a new post on my blog...

i'm scared about my future people of the innerweb. i've seen what happens to people in prison. i don't want a tattoo!!!

show of the minute (the centre part 5)

61.4 million BC

well here today mike decided that i needed to be kept on my toes... which is a little silly cause we theropods (that is meating eating) dinosaurs always walk on our toes. we're not lazy like you heel resting mammals...

anyways he assigned me to the theatre to help out with the nature shows that we put on here everyday.

so i got to try out acting again! it's been a little while... last time i seriously tried out acting was that time i auditioned for the part of the T-Rex in jurassic park... still can't believe they gave the part to my cousin larry! not my fault i'm one foot tall while he is forty feet long!?!

fortuently this part isn't as stressful. though it's also not as high profile. best i can hope to win with this part is a golden globe...

the show is called "Nature: better then Xbox!"... don't ask me about the title. mike said it was designed to appeal to our child "demoautograph" or something like that... even i know that it is bad grammer though!

i play the part of the pollution-techonology destroyer of the environment span of evil bad humans monster... uh yeah i know. certainly no speilberg script, and i know speilberg scripts when i see them! though tom cruising would fit right in i think...

my coworkers in the show are awesome though. zoe the zebra is the hero of the story "mike"... wait a minute! that is outrageous! i'll have to tell mike to rewrite his script... mike is a boys name, and zoe is a girl... that's just silly have a girl play a boy!

we also managed to cast willy the orca whale in the role of the side kick...

what an all star cast i have to say!

well this morning was spent just practising and rehersing our lines. fortuently mine consist of pretty much roaring and evil laughing all show.

though it is here at just before lunch i hit my first problem here at work. mike came in on our practising and asked

"whose lunch is this? with the meat?!?" he sounded kinda mad

"uh mine. why?" i answered, and well asked i guess.

"traumador we are trying to teach environmentally friendliness here at the centre. part of that is not eating fellow earth passengers." he said steerly.

"but mike. i'm a carnivore." i replied


"no traumador. that's just what corporations and the media have taught you. you have to let go of this barbaric habit..." he said while throwing out my lunch!!! "today you're in for a treat. a vegetarian baptism! i'm taking you out to the best place ever! the tofoo barn."

well i guess i'll forgive him for throwing out my lunch. getting taken out by the boss on only my third day of work. that's exciting. i've never done this well at a job before. that alone in my first week.

just wonder what "toe food" is. maybe it's like chicken feet. i LOVE chicken feet...

getting bugged at work (the centre part 3)

61.4 million BC

well today was the first day of actual work. mike assigned me to the insect corner. my job is to monitor our monsteriously enlargened insects, and make sure they don't hurt our guests.

the point of the display is to teach why humans shouldn't apply science to mad applications like growing things to unnaturally bigger sizes (well that and splicing them together... you know like paris hilt-is-on). there were a number of educational documentaries made in the 1960's, and for a while the number of giant insect attacks declined. in modern years though with the lessons of the past forgotten more and more insects are getting mutated to larger sizes!

wait a minute. aren't we contributing by growing these bugs ourselves? huh have to talk to mike about that...


i like the giant ants. their hardworking, superstrong, crafty, and all women. everything i want to have when i grow up!

these guys can be dangerous though if they get out. they'd start building super anthills, and tear down human cities to do it! worse yet sometimes one in every few thousand enlargened ants gets smart and learns to talk, and then all they do is walk around demanding the formula that did it in the first place!

okay it won't be work if everything was fun like the ants. mike decided that the display needed a bit more reinforcment. ants were dandy to grow in the 1950's but this is the new millenniumfalcon, and mad science won't settle for giant ants anymore.

so to illustrate this mike has grown giant mosquitoes. now i thought after this summer at badlands science camp that they were annouying (man there was a TON after all the rain last year. you'd turn black if you stood still for 20 seconds!). try one the size of your head! i'd rather fight dracula (and he is REALLY scary! but only one of him, and he's not as noisy at least... all i heard all day BUZZBUZZBUZZBUZZBUZZBUZZBUZZBUZZ)

the worst of all though... i suspect mike went a little frankenstien (not the monster who is also SCARY!!! but the sciency dude) and made the worst large insect of them all... the giant wasp!!!
okay so i admit the small ones scary me as much as vampires and big reanimated monsters... i've been stung on the nose a few too many times.

mike's super wasps were too much... i kinda ran away from them whenever i went to check the cage. fortuently they haven't figured out how to open doors yet... or i mean glass cases...

i'm just going to go make sure mike hide the formula well on my way home...

first day (the centre part 2)

61.4 million BC

alright people of the innerweb i just started work here today. man this is going to be fun!


so today mike has given me the task of learning the exhibits of the eco centre. we've got some pretty cool stuff. among my favs are the things in the glass tubes... very sci-fi movieish.

there's a whole bunch of shrunken worlds just like the one with the teepees (oh and there is THIS one with teepees!!!).

the birds in a tube (i wonder if that is like a barrel of monkeys?) are really nice. its good to have relatives close by if i need anything... that and they eat termites... which are a possible threat to my place of work!

okay but the coolest thing we have is the anatomy corner where we have tons of skulls and bones from all kinds of animals... makes me feel right at home. just like the tyrrell... can't wait to greet guests as a traumadeer...

get it! i mixed my name with deer... they'll love it. you can't get writing much better then that from hollywood... uh or at least in a george lucas film...

the test... (the centre part 1)

61 000 238 BC

unfortunetly i spent too long exploring the other side of the bridge last night, and it got dark while i was mucking around in the forest. so i had to camp out in the forest overnight...

i thought it'd be scary, but it was unusually calming. it was like this is where i'm supposed to be...

i felt the vibe of the arboreal abode as the inhabitants switched to their nocturnal means (WOW did you just read that! i'm even using big smart sounding words to describe it, WEIRD!!!). i had no trouble sleeping. the one time something seemed to be sneaking up on me i just knew to roar and it ran off into the woods... i think i had my first instinctive t-rex moment!

can't wait till i find 65 million and tell all the other t-rexes

so getting up this morning i resumed checking out the forest. after a little while i discovered a cool tunnel that led up to a plant covered building...

the north vancouver eco centre said a vine covered sign outside it. as i was here i figured i might as well check it out... you're not going to believe what happened next!

so getting inside i was amazed. it was just like a museum (again!). only in here they'd stuck with brad's rules of museum interpretation! such good displays all about nature and the environment... my marvelling at this hidden ancient museum of the BCs brought me to the attention of mike the centre's director.

he noticed that i was wearing a royal tyrrell uniform (the only human clothing i owe... and till i get to 65 million BC i think i should try to blend in. people around here probably know how furious us t-rexes are. unlike naive albertans!). he had visited drumheller before, and really like our museum. when i said they'd laid me off mike got interested.

"do you need a job?" he asked

i hadn't thought about it, but yeah i was going to need a job here in the BCs... odds were good that at 65 million they were probably still living in the stone age, and thus i wasn't going to be making a good living there. i'd need a job in the outside world. (especially considering the debt i racked up in dinotown i REALLY am going to need some money!)

mike was pleased to hear this as the centre needed staffers. before he could hire me though he was going to test me to see if i had what it took to be an interpreter...


so the only way to do that was of course have me go through the centres displays and prove i knew some museumy type stuff... well the first exhibit ironically is just like the tyrrell's first... mike thought that i didn't know what a globe was cause i was a little confused. i told him i knew it was a globe of the earth... just that it should be i don't know a bit bigger or something...

"good answer!" he exclaimed, and checked off something on his list.

cool. first question right! guess he's been meaning to upgrade the size of his globe to tyrrell size.

next we came up to a tiny world trapped in glass. wonder how they got shrunk?

anyways i noticed a group of teepees in there... badlands science camp i thought! cool i couldn't wait till it was my turn to be shrunk. working at camp that's a job i know how to do!

mike asked what i was so concerned about.

"the teepees" i said.

"very good eye!" he replied, and yet another tick on the list.

last stop was a display on my buddies the fish. this one had a bunch of cool tube lights in glass... man i love tube lights!

when you hit different buttons different light strings lite up. man that was fun! i was playing out a cool disco version of take me to the paradise city in my head when suddenly mike interupted my fun...

"so what's the signficance of this display?" he asked.

okay i had to think quick (which of course you people of the inner web know is hard for me with my brain the size of a peanut)... i had just been the fish hatchery. they do excercise up watery stairs where they'll meet their mates... not sure why these austrilian fish don't just stay down under. wouldn't canada be a pretty far vaccation to take if you have to swim?

oh man. see. this is what i mean. i can't think good under pressure (or anytime really). i also tend to think out loud too...

"the red lights are bad" i said.

"wonderful!" mike said all happy. "that's three for three! you know your stuff alright!"

wasn't sure what he was talking about. the red string lights had some burnt out bulbs and were thus bad strings... i found out reading the display later that the red lights are supposed to represent pollutants that kill fish, which are bad... man i have good luck!

proving that even more... i got the job!!!

can you believe people of the innerweb? i sure can't! looks like this trip to the BCs was a great idea after all.

now mike won't let me start work till tomorrow. he says that no one can work at the nature centre till they have a talent agent. he thinks because i didn't have on in drum that's why they could let me go. with an agent though i'm covered he said.

so i'm off to meet my agent here tonight in TRUE vancouver!!! i'm kinda excited. journeying into a new realm of vancouver, and this one might be in fact 65 million BC!

keep you posted people of the web wide world...