i'm afraid of no ghost? (enemy! part 6) (the intruders part 3)

i have to be real quiet as i type this post, people of the innerweb, otherwise i might be found hiding under this random bench here in the botanic garden...

why am i cowering in fear in my own home? no i didn't repeat the mistake of watching planet of the apes again (those darn terrifying dirty apes... a whole planet of king kongs now i'm even more scarred just THINKING about them!!!)

well it's a bit of a long story...

just after tea (that's kiwinese for dinner) got a call on my "cell" phone. i got all excited hoping it was going to be ms. rhonwyn with news on my promotion at work. i also really really really wanted to tell her about my big find at the beach the other day!

instead on the other end was the person i least expected, and more importantly wanted calling me...

"is this the lizard?"

the germ-man!!! my first and only human enemy...

"what do you want?!?" i challenged though i shoulda hung up instead.

"oh no-thing," he replied coyly. "other than in times of recent i have heard, with mine ears, it said, by people with their mouths, that you are afraid of ghouls and goblins that you imagine to be in the graveyard."

"ghost lights, not goblins or ghouls!" i corrected him, but realized i accidentally answered his question.

the germ-man laughed a slightly disturbing laugh. "of course. my miss-take. you're scarred of light bulbs at the cemetery. ."

"what about it?" i angrily snapped. i'd put up with enough the last couple of months without having to put up with the germ-man.

"oh i just wanted to check to see, with mine ears, if you were as big a turkey as i'd been telled," the germ-man mockingly answered.

i grew angry. this was the guy who was too cowardly to confront my cousin larry. don't get me wrong larry being a full grown 14 metre long 6 tonne bull tyrannosaur is no fluffy puppy when it comes to the terror scale. at the same time t-rexs still don't have a thing on ghosts if you ask me... i'd take a pack of tyrannosaurs any day to a ghost. especially a pack of all girl t-rexs... oh yeah... sorry what was a saying again people of the web wide world?

oh yeah... the germ-man was to chicken to even get revenge in our faces for scarring him. instead what little germ-boy do? he went and hid setting a banana trap for larry, and than secretly called the news in on us... the actions of a brave man?

i didn't think so either people of the innerweb!

"who you calling turkey? germy!" i retorted. "i'm afraid of no ghost!"

"oh really? the germ-man faked sympathy. "that is two bad. you see i was telling every-one at salmond what a more than normal sized turkey you are, and they all laughed pretty hard about it. you being frightened by lamps and all. "

"i'm not a turk... er chicken!" i countered.

"wunder-bar!" happily responded the germ-man for some reason... i grew worried. "well than you won't mind a not big challenge than to show everyone how not afraid you are?"

"what sort of challenge?" i asked hesitantly.

"oh it is nothing too much," the germ-man answered. "just come meet me in the middle of the grave-yard twonight at midnight. the only rules are no flash lights, and no one else with you."
my stomach turned as i pictured my last time in the cemetery following the ghost lights. "i don't have to prove anything to you," i dismissed, and was about to hang up the phone.

"i understand," the germ-man answered mockingly. "you're too turkey. well than i guess i'll just got and tell everyone just how scarredy bird you are lizard."

"no!" i found myself saying. with everything going on since larry's visit, and the news coverage i couldn't afford more bad things being attributed to me... "fine i'll take you're stupid challenge. just to show you how not scarred i am." my head filled with nasty visions of what might await me in that graveyard tonight...

"excellent! i'll see you at midnight than... with mine eyes," the germ-man concluded and hung up.

oh man what had i just agreed too? last time i was in the cemetery i'd barely managed to escape the ghostlights! could i count on that luck again? though one bit good news occurred to me. if something bad was lurking in there it was just as likely to get the germ-man as it was me!

the rest of my evening seemed to both slug on and race by... i was very anxious. all i could think about was how i was going to be on the edge of the maze of doom, and wandering through those creepy tombstones again only to find those bright orbs of terror coming in on me again...

well after the sun set i sat in my nest in the woods hoping beyond all hopes that my watch would stop somehow, and midnight would never come.

than at 11:45 i was jolted into reality by my phone going off... i nearly screamed.

"hope you haven't falled to sleep lizard," it was the germ-man. "i'm already at the cemetery. can't wait to see you... with mine eyes. or have you forgotten."

"i haven't forgotten," my angry snap back hid my fear.

"see you in a number minutes," the germ-man.

that was it. if i was going to do this i was going to have to do it right now...

reluctantly i prayed myself out of my nest, and begun the nerve racking walk through the dark forest. sure it was only the botanic garden, but a few months ago i'd seen and followed a ghostlight on this very path...

and if i thought dark woods were scary the cemetery itself was way worse!

my teeth started chattering... but you have to remember people of the web wide world that my jaw muscles are quite a bit stronger than a humans. so when my mouth starts vibrating in fear it makes a much louder noise, which just makes me more scared which makes me chatter even louder!... not to mention make my mouth sore...

who knew what might lurk in such a scary place at this time of night... i've seen the movies. any number of very frightening i don't want to see them things could be here right now...

ghouls, goblins, zombies, vampires, and especially ghosts had me very antsy.

making my anxiety issues worse... there was no sign of the germ-man anywhere...

i was so hoping i'd be able to jet in here, dispel the rumour, and than get out pronto.

yet the germ-man was no where to be seen. meaning i was having to not only cover ever inch of the cemetery (and thus meaning i was way more likely to find not only the germ-man, but any of the scary things lurking with in too), but i was having to repeat sections! that meant doubling the odds of an encounter...

on my third circuit not only was the loud clatter of my teeth echoing through the place, but i was having trouble walking due to some major shivering... i haven't shivered that bad since i was a hatchling in drumheller and wandered outside in -35 C without a jacket in only my feathers (sure we ceolurosaurs evolved feathers to protect us from the cold, but not THAT cold!).

as i wandered through the middle of the cemetery again, with still no sign of the germ-man, my... i don't know, tyrannosaur or hunter senses kicked up a notch.

i thought i heard something behind the closest tombstone. i suddenly became aware of a strangely familiar scent in the air, and i couldn't help but feel i was being watched...

than suddenly from behind one of the tombstones it sprung...

A GHOST!!!

now of course i did what any sane of rational person would do. engage my skeptical side of my brain to this rather improbable situation...

do i make a run for it to the left or the right?

i choose the unlikely left. sure it was the long way out of the graveyard, but what terror of the night would predict its victim to spend more time in its domain?

the proof i was right, i'm here hiding under this bench typing to you people of the web wide world!

oh man, these key strokes are way too loud! i'm going to have to stop typing people of the innerweb... otherwise i might be discovered by the apparition...

if your reading this before sunrise, please send help!!!

***********************************************************

(excerpt from andreas von schnitzie's diary... aka the germ-man)

Dear Die-ary,

Today has been a most laugh out loud time.

Mine prank against the lizard a complete not failure!

It just goes to show know your enemies weaknesses, and you shall not fail.

Having lured the stupid lizard into my challenge by lying about telling everyone what a turkey he was mine trap was set. Meaning I had get everything ready by moon rise...

I laughed like a happy little school boy as I carried all mine supplies into the cemetery. I knew, with my brain, that tonight was going to oh so funny!

Once i had everything in places, I needed to make sure the lizard wasn't going to turkey out on mine.

A fast phone call, and I had the lizard on his way.

Oh how I laughed in anticipation! this was going to be ubber funny!

I had to get ready though, so I stopped my laughter. I did not want the lizard arriving and ruining mine surprise.

Getting out mine sheet I brought for the occasion...

I placed over top of mineself, so that I could not be seen, by the lizard's eyes.

Yet I was smart enough to cut some holes in the sheet so mine eyes could see the lizard. This was a critical part of mine plan. No point in any of this if I couldn't see, with mine eyes, what the lizard's reaction was going to be!

Just like that I transformed into one wunderbar ghoul. Or is it vampire?

The last thing I had to do was to get a good hiding spot. From here I was going to spring at the lizard, and make scary noises, with my lungs.

Minutes after I found a good tombstone the lizard showed up. It only took him a few moments to walk close to where I squatted, at the center of the grave-yard. This was too fast for mine liking though. I remained hiding, hoping to draw out the fun.

It worked so perfectly! The stupid lizard went around the whole place 3 times! All the while getting scarreder and scarreder. He was shaking with uncontrollable fear.

I could not help but giggle. That was un mistake.

Suddenly the lizard turned toward me sniffing the air, with his nose. He must have heard mine laugh.

I decided the time for action was now! I leaped forward from mine hiding place, and made as scary a noise as i could, with my lungs.

For a moment nothing. The stupid lizard just stood there, looking left to right for some reason.

Than suddenly it screamed a loud cowards scream and ran off... To the right I couldn't help but notice.

Within moments the stupid thing had run itself out of the graveyard, and could no longer be heard running or screaming.

Removing mine sheet I let loose a most pleased and amused laugh. This little idea of scarring the scales off the lizard, just as its larger relative had done to me, worked perfectly!

The only not good thing to it I could think of, with mine brain, was to tell the lizard what I had done or to keep him scarred of the garden around him?

What am I sayings?!? The answer to that is easy!

Leave him terrified of course!

Than suddenly from behind my back came a bright light, and a loud disembodied. "WHO ARE YOU?"

How could this be?

Could the lizard have been right? Was this place haunted?

I must have been imagining things with my brain. Clearly I just did not sleep enough due to this late night prank. So I turned away for a moment.

Ah yes. Clearly I had just imagined the light blub. It is the only non-ironic explanation.

From behind me came the voice again. "LEAVE THIS PLACE. NOW!"

Rather than risk losing time turning around to double check I bolted from the scene.

Come to think of it. Ignore this entry in my die-ary from now on.

the mis-information age (the visitor part 10) (enemy! part 5) (taniwha part 0)

day 9 of my cousin larry's unannounced and unplanned for visit . the longer it goes on, the more my life in dunedin ceases to be what it had been before larry's popping in.

man it's making me yearn for the good "old" days, and by old i mean ancient, of 65 million years ago larry is always going on about...

sure i'd have been part of a competitive and aggressive pack of my own kind. sure i'd have stood no chance in such a setting due to my size and lack of development. sure i'd never known the joys of friendship, civilization, puters, fountains, or the dictionary, but at least i wouldn't have to watch the deconstruction of everything i'd built in the civilized world...

today started off innocent enough... well at least as innocent as it can when you have a fully grown bull tyrannosaurus rex crashing at your place (even if it is a botanic garden you happen to live in)...

all was innocent, except for one out of place truck parked outside salmond hall this morning...

little did i suspect that the germ-man had prepared he's greatest strike yet... how was i too know... i hadn't figured out he was behind larry's terrible tumble the other day at bench hill...

yet in his cold calculating germ-mind, the germ-man had thought of a way for his tripping larry with a banana peel to trigger something far more sinister. one that was going to make me and larry regret some of our actions earlier in the week... and make my future in new zealand a whole lot more complicated...

at around 6:30 i got a call from my landlord ben the gardener on my "cell"phone.

"traumador you better find a TV now!" ben urged me.

larry didn't feel like coming to see what ben's concern was about, being still a little sore and stiff from his tumble the other day. though we tyrannosaurs are built tough, taking a full-on fall down a hill weighing 6 tonnes is still going to muck you up.

arriving at the garden cafe a few minutes later i found everyone, staff and costumers, with their heads all glued to the TV in the corner...

it was the middle of the evening news, but instantly my total attention was caught by the next segment. "now a special investigative report examining a growing threat to public safety that has developed in dunedin the last week."
_
it switched to some reporting standing in front of salmond hall. for a moment i was overwhelmed with thinking (which if you have a brain as small as mine is a bit of a big deal). public safety risk, and here he was in front of a place that many of my friends (namely owain and craig) lived at!?! were they in danger? were they going to be on TV?!? why hadn't they told me!?!?!

little did it occur to despite all this thinking that i should have considered the story would be about ME!

snapping me back to the moment having missed the reporters introduction to himself and the piece. "tonight my investigation looks at the increasing presence and menace of dinosaurs here in dunedin. over the past week news one has been bringing you coverage of the attack by a tyrannosaurus rex on a car unprovoked here in otago, but in this exclusive report we bring to light a number of other terrifying and shocking developments in this prehistoric invasion of the south island."

my heart skipped a beat...

"this was the scene just three days ago, when a jurassic killer," man do reporters ever do any research on things before they report them? cretaceous. cretaceous killer! "attempted to attack a student here at salmond college student residence."

oh no i thought. how could i have let larry talk me into his plan of getting the germ-man back? okay on the one hand it was easy for larry to convince me. the germ-man had thrown me off a stair case just due to getting his shirt wet, but i should have thought things through.

cause what came across on TV made us look real bad... i never even thought for a second about how busy salmond hall is. there are students wandering in and out of that place all day and night! of course some of the other students would have seen our prank on the germ-man. luck would have it that one of them had a camera, and worse yet with a video function.

larry was right a full on tyrannosaur roar would scare humans. even after the fact on TV. cause everyone one around me in the cafe jumped when larry let his patented bellow out at the germ-man.

next thing i knew there on screen was the germ-man himself. "the survivor of the attack one andreas von schnitzie, a german exchange student told news one his story."

_

"so there i was, yeah right, minding the business and suddenly i noticed ripples in mine water cup glass," the germ-man started. "so i was like 'oh my goodness there are ripples in mine water cup glass. i should go look around for the cause... with my eyes'. "
_

"next things i know this giant lizard appeared at the transparent wall..."

so far i couldn't say the germ-man had done anything bad. that is exactly what had happened.

than it came. he totally manipulated events.

"i was amazed," he started. "i'd never seen a lizard like that ever before. so i decided to get closer to the transparent wall and have a better look. again, with my eyes."

wait a second i thought watching the TV. larry ducked below the window so the germ-man couldn't him until he popped up and bellowed... than it dawned on me. the germ-man just claimed he'd never seen a "lizard" like larry before. which was a blatant lie. a lie that got worse!

"what a beautiful and magnificent creature i thought to mineself. all i wanted was to peacefully look at this lizard. that i point out had wandered up to mine home, not the other way around!" the germ-man buttered up his side of the story. "it waited there for me to come in closer. once i was in striking distance it tried to attack me!"

i could hear people in the cafe whispering angrily to each other... they were actually buying the germ-man's bogus story!

the germ-man on screen, as though to mock me, started to fake cry. "all i wanted to do was look at such a magnificent animal. what does it do, but try to end mine life."


"despite he's close brush in with the primal killer, mr. von schnitzie doesn't hold a grudge," the reporter interjected for a moment.

cutting back to the germ-man looking more composed after his faked upsetness "no i do not believe we should judge the beast too harshly. for after all it is far stupider than we human beings."

the reporter asked of the germ-man. "so would you say that you still feel safe after this incident?"

the germ-man looked directly at the camera, and it seemed through the TV past the rest of the audience in the cafe at me...


"though i don't think the beast knew what it was doing, i can not say i feel that means it is safe. afterall this thing came up to mine home here in the middle of the city. i was just lucky it was too dumb to smash through the transparent wall," my stomach knotted as i knew that the reporter believed every word the germ-man was saying. "i would caution everyone elses in dunedin to be on the lookout for this beast, and others like it. whether they be big or untiny. they are naturally blood thirsty and seem to want to eat the flesh of peoples."
_
"it is from this brave university student we have a chilling picture of these prehistoric beasts," the reporter went on. "which had until last week been unheard of here in new zealand. though thus far everyone who has close encounters with them has lived to tell the tale how much longer will this be the case?"
_
"just last week a mere block from salmond college another incident with a tyrannosaur unfolded that paints a bleak picture for dunedin's human residents. In this news one exclusive video, we have more evidence of the destructive and quite probably deadly nature of these colossal animals."
_

suddenly on the screen was footage of larry's fall at bench hill. the report described the event "in the middle of the after noon a stumbling, possibly drunk, tyrannosaurus rex fell in a section of the dunedin botanic garden causing $5,000 damage. more to the point ladies and gentlemen it is not hard to imagine the effect this falling giant would have had if people had been in the area at the time."
_
the reporter started to editorialize about if parks were unsafe where were people safe? what about our children? etc...
_
i stopped paying attention. my brain fixated on where did they get that footage of the fall? no one else had been around... i know because i looked around to make sure no one had seen it!
_
than it all came together "this incident was witnessed by many," the reporter claimed. i glared up at the TV in rage. "including mr. von schnitzie." and inside my brain the answer started to click...
_
"yes the lizards are dangerous anywhere they go," entered an edited clip of the germ-man who had clearly been ranting about how dangerous t-rexs were. "just the other day a group of me and mine friends were walking through the gardens when we beheld the sight of one of the lizards falling down a hill. it was almost as though its feets were made of banana peels that slip and slide everywhere. because it just feel down out of nowhere. me and mine friends were lucky to have not been below it or we'd have been made into panned cakes."
_
of course! it all made sense now! larry couldn't have just tripped out of no where... he complained that it felt like for a moment he'd stepped on something gooey and soft leading into the fall, but all he had on his foot afterwards was a faint trace of paste (which after 6 tonnes of dinosaur on it would be all that is left of a banana peel!). more to the point i could explain how the banana got there in the first place, and that larry's fall was filmed so perfectly!
_
the germ-man!!!

it was than suddenly i realized just how much damage the germ-man had inflicted on me with this retaliatory action of his... by not only causing larry to fall, but than sick the news on us he'd completely smeared tyrannosaurus public image way beyond the stereotype!

"and what has dunedin done about this threat? just an hour after the unprovoked attack on a car the dunedin police force attempted to interdict the prehistoric threat, and stop its rampage before any of these recent events.

however despite their best efforts the police force found that it did not have the legal mandate or authority to intervene or stop the monster."

"who would possibly have put into place laws that protect such creatures from terrorizing new zealand citizens?" the reporter challenged the audience.

"none other than our own department of conservation. under the newly established extracontinental organism act of earlier this year all tyrannosaurs have become protected species of new zealand. meaning that no matter what the animals do it is illegal for anyone to interfere with its existence, unless they have a special permit from the department of conservation .

who currently has such a permit? certainly not local law enforcement officers, who were forced to back down despite their desire to protect the people of otago.

thus far the only person that news one has been able to find with such a permit is one conservation officer aeryn hamilton. who had this to say when asked about the current tyrannosaur rampages through dunedin:"

"the department refuses to comment on these events. all i am at liberty to discuss at moment is that the department in conjunction with the ministry is re-examining our stance and policies on such extracontinental organisms in new zealand. until a decision is reached all such animals whether settled in new zealand or visiting under legal permits are still protected species and as of such unsanctionable at this time."

"in an attempt to assure the public the government is aware of the issue, prime minister helen clarke granted me a special interview on the governments dinosaur stance earlier today."

the show cut to the interview.

"mrs. prime minister thank you for taking the time to speak to us."

"my pleasure."

"now the government had officially agreed to let these animals into new zealand earlier this year had it not?"

"well in fairness this was the decision of the department of conservation upon the discovery of a single smuggled in individual animal. the government itself was not part of the decision process of granting it official protected status, but rather provisions have been in place giving the department the freedom to make these sorts of calls when the need arises."

"so what you're saying in essence is that a law had been pass previous that allowed the department the authority to decide without consulting the government."

"preciously."

"well obviously the department's descion has proven a bit questionable. what steps is the government going to take to prevent further endangerments to the public, and to stop this sort of thing from happening in the future?"

"i'm personally working closely with the minister and the department to rectify the situtation. options thus far include the addition of new conservation directives to the extracontinential organism act allowing easier intervention. in the long term i'm told by the department and the ministry a comphrensive review of the act is under way that is reviewing whether it serves any productive role in perserving new zealand's overall ecological heritage."

"are you than saying that the government is against dinosaurs in new zealand?"

"well that is something of a silly statement as there was clearly dinosaurs here at some point in the past. the government is currently in the process of confering with the department as to what impact both the tyrannosaurs and any other dinosaurs on the south island are having on our environment, and in some cases society."

other dinosaurs? what did she mean?

"the new zealand public can rest assured though, that by the end of the week a solution will be in place to help both the department of conservation and local law enforcement deal with any more incidents that threaten either property or lives from these animals."

just like that due to the actions of my visiting cousin (who is a legal organism of canada... NOT new zealand unlike me) and my enemy the germ-man, somehow i had just become public enemy number one!

as if to seal my new fate a picture of me appeared on screen.

"65 million years ago the group of animals known as the dinosaurs went extinct never to be seen again. yet in recent years some of them have made a mysterious return throughout the world. up until now only a few scattered bones of these animals were to be found the the two islands of new zealand. in the last few years an invasion has occurred of foreign dinosaurs coming to our shores seeking to establish a presence."

"leaving us with the question if none of them survived here should we be allowing them to enter our otherwise prehistoric free past?"

"some have pointed out that a reintroduced dinosaur presence would be quite fitting for new zealand's eco-system."

agent hamilton appeared on screen again. "new zealand is the home of some of the few survivoring land species from the mezesoic period. the tuatra and weta are species only minorly changed by the process of evolution in the last 65 million years. in some ways this would make our allowing dinosaurs to immigrate here a very logical step of keeping these few remaining remenants of that time together."

"regardless of whether it is ecologically or scienctifically logical to allow animals such as tyrannosaurus rex into new zealand, there has at the present been a human cost to this experinment by the department of conservation's."

_

the news expose wrapped up, going back to the news desk back at the station.

There the had a quick addition to add to the dinosaur special exposé. It was a way off tangent bit me puzzle...

"finally tonight a part of this developing crisis that has many concerned that the dinosaur menace is spreading far faster than any of us imagined."


"exclusive to news one this amatuer footage was taken off port chalmers two days ago. though no offical scientific confirmation has yet been made about the creature captured in the video, it clearly is not a species of animal native to the otago peninsula. leaving many to wonder are the dinosaurs in dunedin capable of moving not just by land, but now by the sea too?

this has been new one's coverage of the unfolding tyrannosaur crisis. thank you for watching ladies and gentlemen. good night."

okay i'd had just about enough for one day! i'm not sure what this last clip was, but it clearly wasn't a dinosaur! dinosaurs live on the land. period. we sometimes would go swimming for movements sake or to cool off, but not a single one of us made our livlihood off the water as it were. that was the realm of marine reptiles, fish, and invertabrates! the news needed to do it's homework!

me and larry hadn't gone anywhere near the harbour that alone port chalmers (which is a little ways up the peninsula, and more than an hours walk from town!). what were was their mystery creature?

causing me to come out of my at this point overworked mind was the realization that EVERYONE in the cafe had by now noticed my precense, and were glaring at me...

"hey," i ventured.

"get out of here you monster!" some lady shouted.

as i opened my mouth to respond a man yelled. "look out it's going to attack!" and throw a bottle of ketchup at me.

i barely managed to duck in time. i realized i should make an escape now before the crowd linched me!on my very fast legs (still having the body build of a baby t-rex i'm very lightly built for speed) i bolted from the cafe as fast as i could go!

what had just happened? was the only thing my brain the size of a peanut could think. how had my life in dunedin gone so wrong? why were the humans instantly out to kill us?

the news hadn't bothered to ask for our sides of the story? the reporter had clearly just wanted to cover the real life monster story he seemed to be presented?

despite my having gone out of my way to try and live life low impact in human society is this what i was going to get for it?

had larry been right the whole time? were humans going to hate me just because of what i was?

i was going to ask larry later today what he thought i should do about this situation? what the true tyrannosaur way to deal with humans?

to be continued...

a damage bench mark (the visitor part 9) (enemy! part 4)

only a few more days before my cousin larry has to head off to his audition with peter jackson elsewhere in new zealand. though i have to say initially larry's unannounced visit produced nothing but trouble, the last couple days i've been finding him far less of a JERK! and almost tolerable.

he still is a bit of an egotist, human hater, and general condescending to me, but compared to times past (especially when i bumped into him in vancouver) he is much more agreeable than i recall him ever being...

that having been said there are a large number of outstanding questions larry still hasn't answered since he arrived:

• why is he visiting me period (or as they call it here in new zealand full stop!)?
  

• when was he in drumheller visiting everyone at the royal tyrrell museum (my old home)?
  

• why was he even at the tyrrell (he hates museums)?
  

• how did he find out i was in new zealand in the first place (only 3 people know i'm down here!)?


• what movie is he auditioning for with peter jackson?

i was determined that today i was going to get the answer to at least one of these questions!


as we walked home from my current workplace the otago Museum (which we had just been exploring) i decided that the tyrrell was the easiest of these to pursue.

as larry and i entered the botanic garden (my current home) we'd entered into a comfortable silence walking. which to be honest is a little weird. normally in the past me and larry would have nothing but very UNcomfortable silences. if we weren't arguing about something...

i decided to risk this quiet truce. "larry could i ask you about the tyrrell?" i ventured as politely and casually as i could.

larry delayed... it was almost as if he were deciding whether it'd be better of him to answer or not... "of course cousin," he answered after a clear deliberation in his head.

alright we were in business i thought! "when were you there," i eagerly asked. i hadn't been at the tyrrell since x-mas last year...

"i popped into drumheller for a visit with my mom {known to most humans as black beauty the tyrannosaur} in july," larry answered.

that made sense. though larry has never been a fan of the confinement of museums he is something of a family dinosaur, and he did have a habit of visiting his mom at least once a year. that was the majority of the times i'd seen him actually in my life come to think of it.

"how is aunt black beauty?" i asked. i'd always gotten along fine with larry's mother (and my mom's sister).

"she is very well," larry responded smugly. "they finished some big renovations at the museum earlier this year, and my mother's display area was majorly upgraded."

the renovations weren't completely news to me. i'd seen the beginning of them back during my attempt to return to drumheller last year. aunt black beauty's area was majorly torn up at that point, but i had no idea it had been completed...

"that's great news," i acknowledged. it was good to hear that at least one of the tyrannosaurs at the museum was doing well. there was another i cared about far more though. "and how is... my mother?"

though i'm not sure he wished to express it, but larry's body language made it as though he had the satisfaction of making a kill during a hunt when i asked this question. an odd description i know, but i know my tyrannosaur body language (at least compared to a most humans!).

"she misses you traumador," he stated coldly. "and she was most distraught learning you'd moved this far away from her."

that cut a little deep. for a moment i was silenced by guilt. "is she really mad at me?" i ventured.

"saddened i'd say rather than mad. you know how perpetually melancholy skeletal dinosaurs are," larry corrected me.

it was true. fossilized dinosaurs being not truly alive were more an emotional imprint of their former selves, and as they are still aware that they've lost their bodies and minds tend to be sad about it...

guilt still numbed my head a bit. "other than my making her sad," i gulped. "is she doing okay?"

"yes," larry simply answered. "she would very much like for you to return to somewhere near drumheller though."

returning to north america really wasn't an option right now. i didn't have the money for it (i'd had to smuggle myself into new zealand as was the first time), and more to the point i'd be returning to the old problem of too many dinosaurs there that i had already fled.

desperate to change subject. "what about lillian?" i asked. lillian was one subject that already made me feel a little better. she's so dreamy..."she didn't happen to mention me did she?"

larry's posture once again showed he felt satisfaction like a kill, but his voice was somewhat angry and resentful. "lillian no longer works at the royal tyrrell museum. serves the absconder right."

"WHAT?!?" i thought out loud. i was unable to believe my ears!

lillian had been the museum's mascot for years! their star attraction... why in a million years would they get rid of such a magnificent specimen... (especially considering that curvy tail, those recurved talons, perfect teeth, and the body of a goddess... excuse me people of the innerweb i need to find a drool collecting bucket for a second)

i'd heard rumours before i was fired, that lillian might be leaving the museum. in fact it was my telling her about those rumours that ruined my asking her out way back in yesteryear.

and what did larry mean by absconder? what was lillian absconding from?

"yes the museum was," larry paused. for some reason he was considering he's wording carefully for some reason, and it wasn't to shield my feelings for lillian. "the museum was persuaded to consider more 'cooperative' albertosaurs to represent them to the public. lillian was too head strong and self-absorbed."

funny wording coming from larry. "self-absorbed" ha... i'd still say larry takes the cake for that one over lillian. though to be fair lillian was sort of a matriarch... oh sorry that is the tyrannosaur way of saying "princess" or spoiled girl. in a t-rex pack the alpha females (or royalty) are matriarchs.

"wait a minute you're saying the museum hired new albertosaurs to replace her? why would they do that?" i asked in disbelief. wait a second. though i didn't know it at the time i'd met her replacements... during my return to the museum i'd run into a very aggressive and rude pack of albertosaurs in the lobby. those must have been them. where else was the museum going to get a pack of living albertosaurs on short notice?

i pushed further confused by a part of larry's answer. "who persuaded the museum? not lillian?"

"the pack," larry instinctively whispered in a droning voice. i know he didn't mean to answer that because he snapped his head about and his voice became very calculated. "an outside party to the museum that very much has important dinosaurs interests at heart. something museums tend not to take into account."

"what outside party?" i demanded. "i've spent my whole life around museums. dinosaur heavy ones at that, and i'd never heard of such a group helping dinosaurs out."

"you're young still cousin," larry condescendingly replied. "you were never made aware of it's existence because you had not yet come of age. i can see you have many questions about this. which is good. it is why i have come to visit you."

finally larry was going to answer my biggest question. why was he here to see me at all!

that is he would have... had we not be drastically interrupted!!!

unbeknownst to us while we had entered the botanic garden we had been watched... no watched isn't the wrong word... we were being hunted...

we tyrannosaurs don't have the best bewaring instincts. in the cretaceous as the top predators of our environments (minus around water... we still had to be careful of giant crocodiles) we had little to fear... of course with the extinction everything's changed except our ancient instincts... humans can be very much an equal top predator to us... only more cunning and sneaky!

one of larry's actions in new zealand had angered a particularly dangerous human into action...

the germ-man had set out to lay a trap for me and larry in retaliation for larry's terrifying him the other day...

earlier in the day the germ-man had devised the most ironic of revenges. during the flood dunedin had a little while ago i'd tried to make up to the germ-man for eating his favourite dish by giving him some bananas.

"let us see lizard," he jokingly said to himself. "you ate one schnitzel, but gave me 5 bananas in return. i'd say that is one too many. i shall have to give it back to you."

only the germ-man could have devised a way to use a banana against us...

for you see once you've eaten a banana you're left with a peel... something i'd never have thought of. partially because i don't eat fruit under any circumstances (they make me literally sick in my predatory stomach), and also i never would contemplate turning food into a weapon.

we were about to learn one of the diabolical uses for fruit.

the germ-man had prowled the botanic garden all day waiting for us to pass by. in a different life he would have made an excellent tyrannosaur. patiently and contently stalking his quarry. savouring the anticipation of the perfect moment to strike...

the only problem with this is that we tyrannosaurs WERE the quarry! in that different life it would have been some poor ornithischian who'd have to worry. not us...

it just so happened that the perfect moment for the germ-man to strike was right as larry prepared to tell me his true reasons for coming to see me...

the germ-man of course had no perception of the ill timing of his attack. nor would he have cared. in fact knowing him he probably would have been twice as happy...

throwing his banana peel carefully into position the trap was set.

doesn't look like much does it. to be frank it isn't really...

unless you put 6 tonnes of weight balanced solely on one leg on top of it...

in which case something very much like this would happen...

i wasn't sure which was louder... larry completely destroying one of the benches of bench hill or the bellow of pain larry emitted when he hit...

needless to say it was just a lucky thing that no one had been sitting on bench hill... just imagine that same 6 tonnes needed for this equation to work in the first place running over a person!?!

larry though not seriously hurt fortunantly (we t-rexs are made tough) was somewhat stunned and disoriented after his tumble. certainly in no shape or condition to finish our conversation.

he staggered off with a minor limp to his clearing to rest off the minor injuries he'd recieved from the fall.

the germ-man who'd gone unnoticed simply enjoyed the whole incident unfold from his hiding place.

"wunderbar," he laughed. "those stupid lizards will never suspect, with their brains, that are tiny and small that this was my doing."

"if only there were some way i could share this most joyous of spectacles with others," he mused.

"ah but of course!" something in his wicked mind schemed. "with but one call, on my phone... oh my lizard friends i have only begun with you."

the germ-man cackled to himself as he ran off to enact his new plan... one that would have HUGE implications...

meanwhile i had implications from the germ-mans first stunt as was. my landlord ben the gardener was furious to say the least as the destruction of two of the benches on bench hill among other things. i got a call from him within 15 minutes of larry's falling, and him demanding to see me at the garden's cafe/information centre.

"do you have any idea how much those benches cost traumador?!?" he demanded and exclaimed at the same time. "what if someone had been sitting on them!?!"

"no idea, and they'd have been squished," i answered glummly.

"when i agreed to let your cousin to stay here you promised that nothing drastic would happen!" ben challenged.

"problems actually," i corrected. ben's face got really angry looking (in human body language... a lot different than t-rex... just pointing out i can read both species body language... can get confusing for me sometimes). so i quickly added. "but i can see this being a bit of a problem."

" 'a bit of a problem'. that's the understatement of the month," ben grumbled.

"traumador, do you have any idea how hard it is for me right now not to just chuck the two of you out of my garden?" ben pleaded.

"probably pretty hard," i tried to reassure him. i had to get him on my side right now!

"seriously though ben i swear it was an accident." i had no idea about the germ-mans involvement... yet... "larry just tripped. it'd be like kicking out all the little kids who fall over in the gardens and squish grass in the garden every day..."

"it's not that simple traumador," ben frustratedly responded. he was trying to be nice, but the 'gravity' of the situation was 'weighting' him down (i'm trying to 'lighten' this part of the story... get it ;p ). "even if i ignore the fact that the next time your cousin trips he could hurt or kill someone. i still have two demolished expensive benches to replace!"

than an idea popped into my peanut sized brain! "okay the benches i can help you with," i offered. "we'll replace them."

"on a security guards salary?" ben was skeptical.

"no a hollywood star's," i rebuttaled. "larry's the richest dinosaur actor in history. he can totally afford two new benches."

ben stood thinking about it.

"please," i pleaded. "it takes care of the problem he caused, and he didn't mean it. you should see the bruises and cuts on his back from the tumble. larry didn't do it intentionally."

than ben's face lightened back to close to his normal chipper happy self. "alright. so long as i have the money by tomorrow," he paused. "and tell your cousin not to trip anymore in the gardens! anywhere else, but if it's here i'll have to kick you two out traum."

great. so i now had to not only keep larry from being larry, but i had to prevent chance circumstances too!

that and now i had to tell larry i needed more money from him...

and i didn't get the answer to my question about why larry is here...

worse of all the germ-man had one more huge surprise in store for us!

to be continued...