gunning for success (museum quest part 3)

Location: Dunedin

Baskets Left: 3

alright so ms. rhonwyn has given me three rather uninteresting seeming baskets, and the task of ditching them (though she doesn't state how i'm supposed to do that exactly?). the up side? i have to do this task all across new zealand!!!

though sadly my first stop was not such new ground or anything i hadn't seen before...

rather it takes me back to my first arriving here in dunedin...

to the albatross colony at taiaroa head. last time i was here, it was to see the giant northern royal albatross, this time ms. rhonwyn wants me to check out the "disappearing gun" and former maori pā. i really wish she hadn't used so many untranslated maori words... and how i was going to find a vanishing weapon i wasn't sure...

first thing was first. the ticket she gave me was for not only a tour of the gun, but also a look at the albatross. incidentally the albatross were the first thing i was going to have to see, and i wasn't complaining!

as we wandered up the hill i remembered my first visit here almost a year ago (man has it been that long people of the innerweb?). that was during the whole countdown of doom where the government was going to deport me unless i met their criteria. i'd tried to live out here on the peninsula and get a job here at the albatross colony. that of course didn't work out so well.

i was real excited though. the last time i'd been here it wasn't the ideal albatross watching day. today on the other hand it was windy as, and kinda blah out. perfect for albatross!

their so big and heavy they can't fly under their power. if the wind is heavy though they'd be out and about. so i kept my claws crossed...

as this is the ONLY mainland nesting site of albatross in the world the department of conservation keep the place really secure. as a security guard... er i guess former security guard!... i can appreciate their stance. that and knowing the department first hand i know they mean business!

as the tour group i was with cleared the barb wired, pass coded, tall fences i wondered if this added security was part of why ms. rhonwyn wanted me to try and get rid of the baskets here...

wait what if this worked? what if i lost ALL the baskets here today?!? would i still get to travel across new zealand?!?!?

i stewed on that till we got up to the albatross viewing hide. than my mind wandered onto the incredible sight before me (if only these were wandering albatross than i'd have made an awesome pun there!).


the albatross were indeed out and about flying. in fact there were three of them, and all they did was fly around the hide in circles. meaning the whole time there were albatrosses flying by!


that's a pretty uncommon sight at the observatory most of the time. sure you'd see a bird or two fly while you're there, but to have them non stop flying around needs the right conditions.


first it needs to be windy. being the headland out to open ocean not as hard as it might be else where. however the time of year is the other factor.


you see it's the beginning of albatross mating season. the three birds doing the loop around the hill were teenagers looking to impress prospective mates... i can kind of sympathize. having had my shots are trying to impress females it's not easy!

it was an awesome 25 minutes though. these birds are among the most impressive and majestic i've ever seen. good to see we coelurosaurs didn't lose our flare for evolutionary show man ship.

to give you an idea of scale in this picture that albatross is BEHIND that fence. had i taken the picture a moment earlier the albatross would have been behind it to really show that off. it should be noted that's a 3 metre high fence!

the time just flew by (there's my working albatross pun!) and it was time to move onto my assigned task. the disappearing gun.

i couldn't help as we made our to the opposite end of the hill that the security was still in place (though the fences weren't as high as the 3m one lining the albatrosses area).


we approached a creepy old bunker looking tunnel. the tour guide welcomed us to the disappearing gun tour, and i noted immediately it was well named. there was no gun to be seen.

the guide informed us that we were going to proceed into the tunnel, and onto check out the gun.


though the tunnel was a very cool movie like place, i admit i was feeling a little too chicken to proceed inward. normally i'd have loved too. however after all the recent creepiness, most notable the ghost i ran into at the cemetery and the noises in the museum when this whole basket business began, i'm still a little jittery when it comes to potential scariness i guess...

inward the tour went though. was i going to chicken out completely, and fail my first big museum role ever?

taking one look back at the safety of the sunlight world i swallowed my fear (as best i could), and push on after the tour group...

as we walked the guide informed us that this was a defensive fort built in the 1890's to defend new zealand against feared russian invasion. wow before they were even soviet than!

our first stop was the observation/lookout station of the fort. from here soldiers were ever on the look out for hostile warships... kinda like a real world game of battleship.

from here you could also see one of taiaroa head's main landmarks, the lighthouse.

this we were informed was just the surface level of the fort though, and that what we'd come to see was in the bowels of the place...

i thought those first tunnels were freaky, this lower level was even... uh "better".

the trip was worthwhile, as i learned what the disappearing gun was though. so the kiwi's were scared of the proto soviets so much so they decided they needed to have a big weapon to fend them off.

as deathstars hadn't been invented yet they settled for a... well if you ask me... pretty small weapon. an anti-ship cannon that they made stealthy.

oh okay cloaking technology i thought that explains the lack of mega size! turns out no.

they put the this gun in a trench on the top of the hill. building a spring contraption to lift the gun out of the hole when they shot it it'd spring back into it's hidy hole. meaning the enemy ship wouldn't really see it, and be able to fire back at it.

okay might not be future tech cool, but i have to admit very clever. i'd never have thought of that!

i also might have been a little hasty in saying it was a tiny weapon. getting face to face with it i admit it's a pretty big gun... not quite deathstar big mind you... but i'm travelling around new zealand not a small moon!

wait i was at the disappearing gun... ms. rhonwyn had told me to make sure i got the baskets here, but how do i get rid of them.

the tour guide talked a bit more about the history of the gun. suddenly i realized maybe what ms. rhonwyn meant by the baskets "leaving" was that the tour guides i ran into would make them leave.

"uh excuse me," i asked the guide in a lull in his spiel.

"yes," he cheerfully responded expecting me to ask a question. i simply held up the baskets.

"uh those are nice sir," the guide hesitantly responded clearly VERY confused by my action.

what that didn't make any sense? why didn't he take them i thought. than it hit me.

disappearing gun and maori pā. ms. rhonwyn hadn't been talking in maori. she was using code! cause there hadn't been anything about the maori yet on the tour... if i said that phrase than the guide would know what to do... clever ms. rhonwyn!

"what about if i said maori pā?" i sleekly mentioned.

"oh i follow you now sir," the guide smiled. "sorry i haven't dealt with a dinosaur before."

finally i thought!

"this whole area was indeed once a maori fortress too," the guide entered a new spiel... wait about what i'd asked him, and he wasn't taking the baskets! "much like the europeans, or pākehā as the maori called them, they established a fortification here in tribal times because it was easy to defend and observe enemies approach. it also incidentally was ideal for an unexpected reason. as maori would use the bones of their enemies to craft weapons, the tribe who set up their pā here had an excellent way of disposing their dead so their enemies couldn't get the bones. they'd just throw them over the cliff."

okay again. not what i was expecting at all... informative for sure. in fact cool facts. yet i still have these baskets.

how do i get rid of them if the guides aren't going to take them... who is it than?

the tour wrapped up with a tour of the old barracks with some very realistic manikins filling in for the soldier who once bustled around this place.

a quick peek down into the ammunition magazine was the last look around the disappearing gun. i definitely enjoyed seeing this new sorta museum i was at a bit of a loss on my task...

unlike the disappearing gun the baskets weren't disappearing, and ms. rhonwyn's note wasn't giving me a hint on how to get that done...

to be continued...

the quest (museum quest part 2)

my promotion at work has NOT been anything close to what i imagined it to be!

mysterious phone calls from my boss, colored lightening, unexplainable earthquakes, and something monstrous lurking in my workplace...

all i have to say is COOL!

i wanted things to pick up, and boy have they ever! i think i could get used to this promotion.

granted i had to flee the museum in an awful hurry. that wasn't much fun. whatever was in the basement sounded pretty formidable, but now that i'm out in the open, and a long way from the museum what are the chances it'll find me? come on really?

i fell back to the botanic gardens to regroup and figure out exactly what ms. rhonwyn wanted me to do.

i'd have just called her, but she insisted just before she hung up on me (without giving me any of the key details about my task), that i wasn't to phone her back under any circumstances.

all i had to go on were the two envelopes ms. rhonwyn had left for me in her office...

a big one contained, what i assumed were, the "most important artifacts in new zealand". i wasn't too impressed thus far with them though. they weighed practically nothing, and were very small and flat (as they fit in a brown envelope!).

the other envelope had instructions and directions for what i'm supposed to do.

standing in the park i had a choice of which of the two i was going to open first... the one that was going to give me a clear idea of what was going on OR the one that held the loot...




like an sane and normal individual i choose the bigger envelope with the treasure! (yeah okay maybe not the best decision in hindsight... but you try being thrust into the middle of a complete unknown situation, and too boot be told you had the countries most valuable relics in your hot little claws!)

i have to say what i discovered in that big envelope was a bigger disappointment than i expected...

three woven baskets... ms. rhonwyn was freaking out over three flax handy crafts... i was beginning to question her curatorial skills (granted to be fair her job description is "specimen and display management", which doesn't claim curatorship)...

had i not been so disappointed by the caliber of these artifacts i might have poked around with them more. why do i point this out? well i didn't know it yet, but had i the world might be a very different place... point is for now just remember i handled them for a few seconds and than disappointedly put them back in the envelope (man was i lucky that's what i did!).

i than took out the instructions expecting them to be rather a note saying something like "fooled you" or "jokes on you sucker!" cause three flax baskets... who did ms. rhonwyn thinking she was kidding?!?

instead i found several hastily hand written pages and a bundle of maps and what looked like tickets. i read the note she left me:

Traum if you're reading this than there has been a breach in the outer mystic realms, and an atua of some variety has made an intrusion into our plain of existence. Based on the readings and prophecies of a number of Tohunga it is believed this entity, whatever it's form, is after the kete o te wananga which you now carry. Under no circumstances can you allow a single one of these baskets to fall into its hands!

Your task is to take the kete o te wananga to the various museums and institutes on the list i've provided. Hopefully the mana of these places will draw the kete o te wananga back to the upper plans where they belong, and thus prevent them from falling into the wrong hands.

Because of the tapu of these baskets it is very important you follow the following instructions:

• DO NOT under ANY circumstances OPEN the kete o te wananga. It
  will reveal your position, and exposure to the atahu essence
  contained within the baskets may dangerous, unpredictable, and lead to long-term harm of yourself.
  

• Ensure you spend at least 15 minutes in each museum and location on the list to ensure the baskets have a time to adjust to their mana.
  

• Do not panic if the baskets leave of their own accord. That is the point of this mission. However ensure they do not disappear because of atua for if they capture even one they will be able to use it to recover the other two.

At moment I do not know which atua is after the baskets. It could be any of the main deities or possibly even a taniwha, hopefully I'll have been able to brief you on this aspect of the mission by the point you read this, and you'll know. No matter its form though remember with atua:

• DO NOT under ANY circumstances OPEN the kete
  o te wananga. I know I've said this already, but it is unbelievably important Traumador!
  

• Keep as low and secret a profile as you can. Hopefully
  you can accomplish this mission without having to risk an encounter with any outer world creatures! At the same time ensure you stop at EVERY location on that list. Do it in order so you do not have to risk back tracking.
  

• Avoid electronic communications as much as possible. Do
  NOT contact me via these medium! Due to the physics of mystic energy it imprints on natural radiations. Meaning any electronic transmission you make like a phone call or sending an email would be coated with mystic energy which atua are attuned to, and thus leading to it detecting your exact location.
  

• Learn the quirks and specifics of the atua following you.
  Many of them have servants and totems in this realm that may compromise your secrecy. By knowing what these are in advance you can avoid an unnecessary encounters

Sorry I couldn't include the necessary documents on Maori culture,
but I have included New Zealand Museum Gift Certificates so you can pick up any books you might need along the way.

Traumador I can not stress enough the importance of this task I've given you. I wish I could have given you backup, but this needs to be a low profile mission otherwise risking detection by more atua. The FATE of New Zealand's spiritual and mystic fabric rests in your hands! Make sure this gets done right!

Good Luck

~ Ms. Rhonwyn ~

okay she sounded pretty serious i thought reading it. i just wish she hadn't included so many maori words. i can't read them, and sure don't know what they mean...

well except tapu. that has a whole display at the otago museum i've read a couple times. tapu is kinda like a maori mythical rule code. people might say it means taboo, but it's more like a code of conduct. if you do *such and such* than this will be the consequence...

so taking what i understood of this note (wish my brain was bigger or i spoke maori)...

there's something after these baskets. if i open them bad stuff will happen (see good thing i didn't poke around with them earlier). i need to take them to bunch of museums throughout new zealand where i'll somehow get rid of them? if i make a phone call than the thing after me will be able to track me down. lastly somehow these things were key to new zealand, again somehow?

so ms. rhonwyn wanted me to take these baskets to some museums. which ones i wondered?

opening up the bundle of maps and tickets i stopped breathing for a second!

in front of me were tickets, car rental arrangements, and maps for EVERYWHERE in new zealand!!!

back to my original thought. i sure could do with more of these promotion based tasks!!!

to be continued...

work catastrophe... i think? (museum quest part 1)

it was looking like yet another normal day at work. not the most fun prospect in the world people of the web wide world. security guard duty is pretty dull once you've done it a few times (i'm verging on a hundred by now).

by now i felt so confident about the safety of the museum and its displays that i wander the whole museum. i means the WHOLE thing. no more of this just patrolling the lobby. sure i can see all the major entry and exit points of the place from there, but it gets real boring. especially again cause nothing happens!


i even wander down to collections. all major museums have collections of materials they don't put on display. there's only so much display floor space to put stuff. even if you somehow crammed it all into the galleries it'd overwhelm your visitors! so off into basically a storage/warehouse setup that stuff goes.

ours is in the basement, and the really far back part is spooky as...

most of the excess artifacts and specimens are stored in nice modern metal cabinets and shelving. here in the "original" collection we've got material collected and stored from as far back as the 1860's. these are in old creepy wooden crates straight out of indiana jones or something...

i've been coming down here to try and over come my fear of creepy places. considering my renewed run in with ghosts i decided i had to redouble my efforts at confronting these fears...

i'm not sure why i find it so scary. the fact that you're surrounded by these old dusty, musty, and uh crusty crates as far as the eye can see. i don't mean just the rows of collections either, but they also are piled up to the ceiling. or perhaps it's the fact that most of these haven't been open and had their contents checked since they were initially put down here over a hundred years ago. why you ask?

well any museum worth it's weight in artifact is always accumulating more and more material each year (palaeontology institutions are really bad for this cause one skeleton can take years to clean off properly). the problem is with such limited staff this is often more than can be efficiently examined and sorted many times. often it's just seen once, and unless it's an excellent item, is just recorded and than put into storage.

so yeah in theory each of these crates has its contents recorded somewhere in our records. who knows though maybe they recorded it wrong? or worse yet maybe something spooky and scary has awaken after all this time down here, and is really hungry?!?

okay see what i mean. those ghosts lights from a few months back, and that true ghost this week in the cemetery have pulled a fast one on my imagination. i'm imagining scary things jumping out at me from all over the place now!

after managing to keep myself in the old section of collections without completely chickening out for almost an hour i needed to get back on patrol. sure nothing was going to happen, but best to be sure i guess. after all i in theory had been promoted. not that ms. rhonwyn saw it fit to leave me with more exciting responsibilities to go with, what i have to admit was, a really generous pay increase.

i headed for my usual patrol spot in the lobby. from here i could not only see the whole interior of the museum, but also a nice view of outside. out there the most spectacular, and yet unusual thing was going on...

a thunderstorm... don't get me wrong i've seen plenty of lightening storms before. in the dry flat prairies of alberta we got plenty of such storms in drumheller. so it's not like i'm scarred of them (if that's where you thought i was going with this).

it's just dunedin is right on the coast, and very very very hilly. i asked a few people why we didn't get more thunderstorms (cause it rains here all the time!). they said it was the hills and the coast.

yet out there a full fledged electric light show was in full gear. it was so pretty. back to my earlier insecurity (that ghost really did a number on me i think...) i not only don't fear lightening, i really like it. even the thunder... something deep in me... my uh... well i guess dinosaur instincts... is assured by that sound. i don't know why exactly.

as i was watching mother nature put on a great storm suddenly a different noise echoed through the lobby...

my "cell" phone was ringing. the last few times i've answered this thing as of late it's been nothing but bad news... my agent peter bond confusing the peanut out of me, my cousin larry arriving, and the germ-man daring me into going to the graveyard. knowing my luck as of late it was going to be another call like these...
_
man if only i put money on that!
_
"hello?" i hesitantly asked answering the beeping device.

"traumador! thank the gods!" ms. rhonwyn said relieved. her voice turned to stressed. "why haven't you been answering your phone?!? i've been trying to reach you for almost an hour!"
_
"oh really? i had it on," i thought out loud. than it hit my tiny brain. "oh wait i was down in collections. maybe my 'cellphone' was too far down to hear your call."
_
"hear my call?" ms. rhonwyn sounded a little baffled. okay good. that means i'm not the only one who doesn't get these so-called living "cell phones". how else could they be without wires or cables if they didn't have ears built in to hear other phone's calling them?

"why were you in collections traumador?" ms. rhonwyn's voice was really grumpy. i thought i was busted for sure. i was only supposed to hit the entrance of collections for a few seconds to see that it was still locked and secure.

"uh," was all that came out of my mouth as i tried desperately to think of an excuse.

suddenly ms. rhonwyn sounded almost panicked. "did something happen in collections traum? is everything alright?"

_

"no everything's alright," i answered not sure if i was in trouble or not.

_

"good, good," ms. rhonwyn let a slight sigh of relief, but yet i could tell she wasn't calm. why?

_

"what's going on?" i asked. "why did you call?"

_

"it's about one of those special jobs i mentioned before i had to leave the country," she told me as though i knew what she was talking about. there was just one slight problem... she hadn't told me what those 'special' jobs might entail. "i think you might have to carry one out tonight."

_

"okay!" i said excited, even though based on how she was sounding maybe i shouldn't have been. "what do i have to do?"

rather than answer my question ms. rhonwyn asked me a question! "has anything weird or unusual happened since that earthquake yesterday?"

oh yeah the earthquake... well as you'll recall people of the innerweb it struck dunedin pretty hard. 7 point something on the rick-ticker scale, but it only hit dunedin. no where else in the country detected or felt it at all. which is a little weird.
_
"not that i can think of," i answered as i thought through everything since yesterday. apart from this phone call, and finding a quarter on the way home from work yesterday nothing out of the ordinary had happened.
_
"he says nothing," ms. rhonwyn said to someone on her end of the line. i had no idea who it might be.
_
than i heard an unfamiliar voice speak to her. "i'm still picking it up. its burying the needle, mame. if it hasn't hit yet its going to any minute!"

"traumador you need to look around for something out of place," her voice was as urgent as i'd ever heard it.

than almost on cue something of that nature occurred... there was a green flash throughout the lobby. out over the peninsula i could have sworn i saw a green bolt of lightening.

"uh does green lightening count?" i offered.

"truamador is there a thunderstorm going on right now?!?" ms. rhonwyn sounded terrified.

"yeah," i said echoed by extremely loud thunder from the green lightening.

from off the phone on her end came. "mame! the MC just spiked beyond any previous observed level! it's happened!"

"what's going on?" i really wanted to know. this was starting to creep me out, and almost as though the universe knew how i was feeling...

the whole place shuddered as a massive quake hit. it wasn't like yesterday's. this one was scary as. way more powerful and intense. also the thunder from outside seemed to join in with the rumble of the building. almost as though the were voicing its approval of the chaos going on in here...

as the shaking subsided. "traumador what was that?!?" ms. rhownyn sounded hysteric. that's why she's my favorite boss. she's always worried about my welfare. "traumador are you okay?!? please answer!!!"

i peeled myself off the floor, still a little jittery and disoriented. "it's okay. it was just another earthquake," i assured her.

"quick check with the geologic survey about a quake," she ordered the person on her end. "traumador i suspect we don't have much time. if what i think is happening it is imperative you listen to me very careful."

"i'm about to entrust to you, the safety and care some of new zealand's most important and vital artifacts," her voice was dead serious. "under absolutely no circumstances are you to break any of the rules you are going to be given. whether over the phone or more importantly those written down for you."

"okay," i said in anticipation. i couldn't tell you what i felt. it was mix of pure undiluted fear AND excitement at the same time! my heart pounded so furiously i thought it was going to escape my ribcage and when did i have a whole swarm of bees for breakfast?

from off phone. "that was no quake mame! every station in otago picked it up with anomalous results across the board, but they pin pointed the epicentre directly on the museum. right now the satellites are picking up massive concentrated mass of MC energy manifesting itself in the western end of the building."

i heard a really loud noise come from the stair well. based on the echo it must have come from the basement.

"i heard that," ms. rhonwyn's voice sounded like she'd heard... well a ghost! "traumador you need to get to my office NOW!"

i didn't need to be told twice. i bolted at full speed (which as a juvenile body build is pretty darn fast) up the stairs to the third floor.

_

it was here on the top floor that all the behind the scenes people's offices and work spaces are tucked away. i typically don't come in this section. only once a shift for like 30 second to make sure the area is secure.

as i unlocked this door i suddenly realized, despite the door being firmly shut, was anywhere in this place truly secure?

from behind up the stairwell came loud bangs and thumping. something big was going on downstairs!!!

had i wandered deep into the basement back into the "original" section of collections i would have been greeted by a most disturbing of sights... which is good i wasn't there as point of fact. i've been having enough trouble sleeping since my last ghost encounter thank you very much!!!

right about the moment the unknown person on ms. rhonwyn's end said that thing about "satellites are picking up massive concentrated mass of MC energy manifesting itself in the western end of the building" this was happening...

_
with loud sounds still emanating from the bowels of the building i pushed forward into the senior wing. i'd never been to ms. rhonwyn's office before! yeah i know. you'd think i'd know where my boss worked... but she's out of the country so often, and than when she is around i never know it till she basically ambushes me somewhere familiar in the place, that it sometimes feels like she doesn't actually work here or something...

"it's the last door on your left," ms. rhonwyn ordered me. "behind my desk on the chair should be a brown envelope. grab it, and get hell out of there as fast as you can traumador!"

i found the door to her office unlocked... weird... cause i'd checked all these offices yesterday, and her's was locked than...

on the chair i found the brown envelope. it even had written on it FOR TRAUMADOR THE TYRANNOSAURS EYES ONLY. also a smaller letter sized envelope was taped on the outside. on it read KEY INSTRUCTIONS AND DIRECTIONS FOR MISSION.

lifting up the package i was astounded by how light the whole thing was. there was something inside the big brown envelope, whatever it (or they) were the majority of the envelope was filled, but not bulging mind you, but it didn't weigh much. in fact the taped on instruction envelope weighed more than the bigger brown envelope.

i thought she said i was getting the most important artifacts in new zealand! how could they possibly fit in an envelope?

"wait what...?" i started to ask, but was interrupted.

"the phone network just spiked with MC static. we're being tracked and traced!" came the stranger's voice.

"traumador i HAVE to hang up! listen to me carefully though!" ms. rhonwyn pleaded. "do not under any circumstance try to call me or anyone else! follow the directions to the letter. do you hear me? to the letter! most important do not under any circumstance open one of them EVER!!!"

there was a slight *click*. "what are you talking about?" i inquired. "what don't i open?" hello? hello? hellllllllllooooooo?"

_

nothing. she'd hung up. i was about to redial her (okay in contradiction to her instruction i'll admit, but at the time if you'd been in my position what would you have done?), but suddenly from behind me came not just the usual sounds of destruction and mayhem. an unearthly voice screamed...

let's just say it didn't spell much hope for anything encountering the issuer of the screamer keeping their life after said encounter...

i dashed down the hall aiming for the stairs, holding my new package tightly with my puny arms (though their not weak by any stretch!). as i hit the stairs and began speedily yet carefully running down them, i hoped beyond hope whatever had been in the basement was still there!

after what seemed the longest 45 seconds in my life i'd hit the main floor. i sprinted to the front door, but when i got there realized it was looked.

behind me the noises got louder. i yelped, and started fumbling with my keys...

i dropped them... oh no. i uselessly pawned at them with my thumbless limbs. wasting precious time...

BANG CLANG... oh man they were getting closer... i'd wasted at least 30 more seconds struggling with my keys. in desperation i lunged at them with my bear trap like jaws. i was rewarded with the feeling of the ring slipping over my lower premaxillary teeth.

using the backward tossing technique we t-rexs feed with i threw the keys in the air. as they reached their maximum height, and gravity once again drew them to the ground i realised if i screwed up catching them it might well be game over! no pressure or anything!!!

despite setting myself up for failure i somehow caught them! might be the fact their on a ring the diameter of the average human arm...

success i had the door unlocked, and myself outside in less than 10 seconds. i even locked the door back up before i bolted... hey it's the rule. no guard leaves without securing the main entrance... can't let an emergancy override the rules. whole world would go to the KT in a hand basket...

as i ran i wondered what could possibly have been making that noise in the basement? i mean i'd just been down there... there wasn't anything there while i'd been... had there?!?

to be contiuned...

shake up (museum quest part 0)

well things have been exciting here in dunedin the last day or so...

being a minor geology fan (though to be honest mostly just sedimentary geology) i've had a new and kinda fun rock related experience...

so there i was patrolling, as we security guards do, the lobby of the otago museum...

when suddenly the whole world started wobbling!

i'm serious everything including me start to shake like crazy!

by george... not sure what that means? other than they say it movies a lot when weird stuff happens... i thought, i think i'm in the middle of my first earthquake!

see new zealand pretty much as a country is the geologic battle ground for two major tectonic plates. the pacific plate is going under, or subducting for you scientific types, the indo-australian plate. this means that a few kilometres under new zealand a lot of potential energy builds up, and occasionally gets released in the form of one of these fun quakes.

it also makes both islands powder kegs of possible volcanism... fortunately (and i guess a little unfortunately) not the geologic phenomenon i'm experiencing today...

just being from landlocked alberta, which is situated on the border of a LONG dead plate boundary in the rockies, i've never felt an earthquake before.

the odd thing though, listening to the news on the radio, this at moment wasn't a normal earthquake....

not because dunedin doesn't get earthquakes... far from it. part of the fault line runs RIGHT through the city.

rather it wasn't picked up or felt anywhere but here in dunedin... which is really weird!

earthquakes should spread their energy out a long ways till it runs out. this one was perfectly localized. it's got everyone, especially the countries geologists, a little confused.

i personally think it's kinda a cool unusual event. unlike the other one i had earlier this week this particular phenomenon was both fun to be in (kinda like an amusement park ride!), scientifically explainable, and most importantly neither scary nor DEAD!

i'll keep you posted on what they find out about this weird quake.

i'm afraid of no ghost? (enemy! part 6) (the intruders part 3)

i have to be real quiet as i type this post, people of the innerweb, otherwise i might be found hiding under this random bench here in the botanic garden...

why am i cowering in fear in my own home? no i didn't repeat the mistake of watching planet of the apes again (those darn terrifying dirty apes... a whole planet of king kongs now i'm even more scarred just THINKING about them!!!)

well it's a bit of a long story...

just after tea (that's kiwinese for dinner) got a call on my "cell" phone. i got all excited hoping it was going to be ms. rhonwyn with news on my promotion at work. i also really really really wanted to tell her about my big find at the beach the other day!

instead on the other end was the person i least expected, and more importantly wanted calling me...

"is this the lizard?"

the germ-man!!! my first and only human enemy...

"what do you want?!?" i challenged though i shoulda hung up instead.

"oh no-thing," he replied coyly. "other than in times of recent i have heard, with mine ears, it said, by people with their mouths, that you are afraid of ghouls and goblins that you imagine to be in the graveyard."

"ghost lights, not goblins or ghouls!" i corrected him, but realized i accidentally answered his question.

the germ-man laughed a slightly disturbing laugh. "of course. my miss-take. you're scarred of light bulbs at the cemetery. ."

"what about it?" i angrily snapped. i'd put up with enough the last couple of months without having to put up with the germ-man.

"oh i just wanted to check to see, with mine ears, if you were as big a turkey as i'd been telled," the germ-man mockingly answered.

i grew angry. this was the guy who was too cowardly to confront my cousin larry. don't get me wrong larry being a full grown 14 metre long 6 tonne bull tyrannosaur is no fluffy puppy when it comes to the terror scale. at the same time t-rexs still don't have a thing on ghosts if you ask me... i'd take a pack of tyrannosaurs any day to a ghost. especially a pack of all girl t-rexs... oh yeah... sorry what was a saying again people of the web wide world?

oh yeah... the germ-man was to chicken to even get revenge in our faces for scarring him. instead what little germ-boy do? he went and hid setting a banana trap for larry, and than secretly called the news in on us... the actions of a brave man?

i didn't think so either people of the innerweb!

"who you calling turkey? germy!" i retorted. "i'm afraid of no ghost!"

"oh really? the germ-man faked sympathy. "that is two bad. you see i was telling every-one at salmond what a more than normal sized turkey you are, and they all laughed pretty hard about it. you being frightened by lamps and all. "

"i'm not a turk... er chicken!" i countered.

"wunder-bar!" happily responded the germ-man for some reason... i grew worried. "well than you won't mind a not big challenge than to show everyone how not afraid you are?"

"what sort of challenge?" i asked hesitantly.

"oh it is nothing too much," the germ-man answered. "just come meet me in the middle of the grave-yard twonight at midnight. the only rules are no flash lights, and no one else with you."
my stomach turned as i pictured my last time in the cemetery following the ghost lights. "i don't have to prove anything to you," i dismissed, and was about to hang up the phone.

"i understand," the germ-man answered mockingly. "you're too turkey. well than i guess i'll just got and tell everyone just how scarredy bird you are lizard."

"no!" i found myself saying. with everything going on since larry's visit, and the news coverage i couldn't afford more bad things being attributed to me... "fine i'll take you're stupid challenge. just to show you how not scarred i am." my head filled with nasty visions of what might await me in that graveyard tonight...

"excellent! i'll see you at midnight than... with mine eyes," the germ-man concluded and hung up.

oh man what had i just agreed too? last time i was in the cemetery i'd barely managed to escape the ghostlights! could i count on that luck again? though one bit good news occurred to me. if something bad was lurking in there it was just as likely to get the germ-man as it was me!

the rest of my evening seemed to both slug on and race by... i was very anxious. all i could think about was how i was going to be on the edge of the maze of doom, and wandering through those creepy tombstones again only to find those bright orbs of terror coming in on me again...

well after the sun set i sat in my nest in the woods hoping beyond all hopes that my watch would stop somehow, and midnight would never come.

than at 11:45 i was jolted into reality by my phone going off... i nearly screamed.

"hope you haven't falled to sleep lizard," it was the germ-man. "i'm already at the cemetery. can't wait to see you... with mine eyes. or have you forgotten."

"i haven't forgotten," my angry snap back hid my fear.

"see you in a number minutes," the germ-man.

that was it. if i was going to do this i was going to have to do it right now...

reluctantly i prayed myself out of my nest, and begun the nerve racking walk through the dark forest. sure it was only the botanic garden, but a few months ago i'd seen and followed a ghostlight on this very path...

and if i thought dark woods were scary the cemetery itself was way worse!

my teeth started chattering... but you have to remember people of the web wide world that my jaw muscles are quite a bit stronger than a humans. so when my mouth starts vibrating in fear it makes a much louder noise, which just makes me more scared which makes me chatter even louder!... not to mention make my mouth sore...

who knew what might lurk in such a scary place at this time of night... i've seen the movies. any number of very frightening i don't want to see them things could be here right now...

ghouls, goblins, zombies, vampires, and especially ghosts had me very antsy.

making my anxiety issues worse... there was no sign of the germ-man anywhere...

i was so hoping i'd be able to jet in here, dispel the rumour, and than get out pronto.

yet the germ-man was no where to be seen. meaning i was having to not only cover ever inch of the cemetery (and thus meaning i was way more likely to find not only the germ-man, but any of the scary things lurking with in too), but i was having to repeat sections! that meant doubling the odds of an encounter...

on my third circuit not only was the loud clatter of my teeth echoing through the place, but i was having trouble walking due to some major shivering... i haven't shivered that bad since i was a hatchling in drumheller and wandered outside in -35 C without a jacket in only my feathers (sure we ceolurosaurs evolved feathers to protect us from the cold, but not THAT cold!).

as i wandered through the middle of the cemetery again, with still no sign of the germ-man, my... i don't know, tyrannosaur or hunter senses kicked up a notch.

i thought i heard something behind the closest tombstone. i suddenly became aware of a strangely familiar scent in the air, and i couldn't help but feel i was being watched...

than suddenly from behind one of the tombstones it sprung...

A GHOST!!!

now of course i did what any sane of rational person would do. engage my skeptical side of my brain to this rather improbable situation...

do i make a run for it to the left or the right?

i choose the unlikely left. sure it was the long way out of the graveyard, but what terror of the night would predict its victim to spend more time in its domain?

the proof i was right, i'm here hiding under this bench typing to you people of the web wide world!

oh man, these key strokes are way too loud! i'm going to have to stop typing people of the innerweb... otherwise i might be discovered by the apparition...

if your reading this before sunrise, please send help!!!

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(excerpt from andreas von schnitzie's diary... aka the germ-man)

Dear Die-ary,

Today has been a most laugh out loud time.

Mine prank against the lizard a complete not failure!

It just goes to show know your enemies weaknesses, and you shall not fail.

Having lured the stupid lizard into my challenge by lying about telling everyone what a turkey he was mine trap was set. Meaning I had get everything ready by moon rise...

I laughed like a happy little school boy as I carried all mine supplies into the cemetery. I knew, with my brain, that tonight was going to oh so funny!

Once i had everything in places, I needed to make sure the lizard wasn't going to turkey out on mine.

A fast phone call, and I had the lizard on his way.

Oh how I laughed in anticipation! this was going to be ubber funny!

I had to get ready though, so I stopped my laughter. I did not want the lizard arriving and ruining mine surprise.

Getting out mine sheet I brought for the occasion...

I placed over top of mineself, so that I could not be seen, by the lizard's eyes.

Yet I was smart enough to cut some holes in the sheet so mine eyes could see the lizard. This was a critical part of mine plan. No point in any of this if I couldn't see, with mine eyes, what the lizard's reaction was going to be!

Just like that I transformed into one wunderbar ghoul. Or is it vampire?

The last thing I had to do was to get a good hiding spot. From here I was going to spring at the lizard, and make scary noises, with my lungs.

Minutes after I found a good tombstone the lizard showed up. It only took him a few moments to walk close to where I squatted, at the center of the grave-yard. This was too fast for mine liking though. I remained hiding, hoping to draw out the fun.

It worked so perfectly! The stupid lizard went around the whole place 3 times! All the while getting scarreder and scarreder. He was shaking with uncontrollable fear.

I could not help but giggle. That was un mistake.

Suddenly the lizard turned toward me sniffing the air, with his nose. He must have heard mine laugh.

I decided the time for action was now! I leaped forward from mine hiding place, and made as scary a noise as i could, with my lungs.

For a moment nothing. The stupid lizard just stood there, looking left to right for some reason.

Than suddenly it screamed a loud cowards scream and ran off... To the right I couldn't help but notice.

Within moments the stupid thing had run itself out of the graveyard, and could no longer be heard running or screaming.

Removing mine sheet I let loose a most pleased and amused laugh. This little idea of scarring the scales off the lizard, just as its larger relative had done to me, worked perfectly!

The only not good thing to it I could think of, with mine brain, was to tell the lizard what I had done or to keep him scarred of the garden around him?

What am I sayings?!? The answer to that is easy!

Leave him terrified of course!

Than suddenly from behind my back came a bright light, and a loud disembodied. "WHO ARE YOU?"

How could this be?

Could the lizard have been right? Was this place haunted?

I must have been imagining things with my brain. Clearly I just did not sleep enough due to this late night prank. So I turned away for a moment.

Ah yes. Clearly I had just imagined the light blub. It is the only non-ironic explanation.

From behind me came the voice again. "LEAVE THIS PLACE. NOW!"

Rather than risk losing time turning around to double check I bolted from the scene.

Come to think of it. Ignore this entry in my die-ary from now on.