oh man, my hatching day ALREADY!

as if losing the team canada's first hockey game weren't bad enough, now i've learned another annoying thing. i'm getting older!

i can't believe it is my hatching day again! it seems like just yesterday since my last! (though i'm glad a year has passed since then. that adventure was really stressful!!!)...

it feels like i get less and less done between them. (that can't be though can it?)... come to think of it, i still haven't figured out who gave me that h-day present 2 years ago that landed me here in canada!

anyways today i was reminded of my 7th hatching day by my special talent agent peter bond who had taken me for a dinner to try and stop the hockey defeat from bringing me down. "well there killer, i figured i'd treat you to, well, a treat. so that you won't always associate august the 15th with this game."

"no problem," i rationally replied, not thinking about why he listed the date. "that's my hatching day. i won't over write that with the game."

"wait, today's your hatching day?" peter asked in a panic.

"i guess it is," i realized out loud. "weird, as the game feels like it was a few... hmmm."

peter suddenly had one of his excited idea moments (which happen all the time i've noticed). "well of course i knew that!" he exclaimed. "which is of course the OTHER reason i brought you out for dinner! that and you're present!"

"present?!?" i exclaimed.

"oh yes," he said almost unconvinced. suddenly he grabbed and ripped a wooden panel off the wall. are you allowed to do that? "i just need to make a couple quick fixes..."

next thing i knew peter had a paint brush. which would have been weird from anyone else, but this was peter we were talking about!

next thing i knew he presented me with a picture of me.

i have to say, this may not be a plane ticket home, but it sure is one sweet hatching day present!

cheers peter!

skating lessons...

so the dinosaur winter games were finally into full swing (they seem to be taking forever!).


we were on a day off from the events, but yet i was still at a rink... for a practise. which i wasn't too keen on. i'd kind of been hoping to hang out with lillian for the day.

the thing was team canada had not been doing so hot in the games so far. people had expected us to be doing rather well, as in the human version of the games canada is about as good as they come...

however the climate here in north america has changed an awful lot in the past 65 million years! we canadian dinosaurs would have had to put up with a temperate climate as worst, but it was way warmer back than globally, and canada wasn't quite as close to the arctic circle!!!

meaning we just aren't adapted for winter... where our australian rivals are somewhat evolved for it!

the thing is for the next event, canada has a lot more at stake. not only is it canada's favourite sport, but my special talent agent peter bond has been building out team up. both publicly and among the saurian teams. meaning team canada's reputation is now on the line, and if we mess up we'll look really stupid (not too mention i would probably never see my money again).

as if that all wasn't enough, but much to our surprise, and peter's horror, we discovered i can't skate. sure i can stand up (perfectly) on skates, but i can't move to save my life! for the next event though, skating is very much a requirement!!!


as it is ice hockey...

which i had been really excited about, till i found out i couldn't do the most important part of the sport. i'd hoped to be our goalie, and just stand in one spot. however apparently we were using "dinosaur" sized nets, so i'd be way to small to cover it effectively.

so i was going to have to do some hockey training... which meant i was here at a public skating time to try and join the humans skating around the rink. at moment i was just standing in the way...

despite dreading my lack of momentum in the game, i was really primed about my new threads! peter had bought me a really awesome team canada hockey jersey just for the hockey matches. he couldn't find anyone to make giant sized ones for lillian or norman, but told me it didn't matter. he was trying to make me the star...

which sounded great on paper, but man i wasn't too confident i'd be able to get off the rink now, that alone cruise along with a puck in a game... i fell over just posing with my new jersey!

well in typical bond fashion, my agent showed up incredibly chipper and enthusiastic. the only thing is that it turns out peter's not the greatest skater either...

not that i mean him any disrespect or an insult. he CAN skate which is a whole lot better than me!

after two hours the best i could do was control fall into peter... which i figured was a kind of useless skill for a hockey match, as peter wasn't going to be there to catch or pad me...

peter trying to put an up beat spin on this (like he does for everything else) and assured me i'd gotten all the mistakes out of my system. tomorrow at game time i'd be ready to rock the house. after all i was a canadian dinosaur, and "to be canadian is to be hockey, and to be hockey is to be canadian." whatever that meant.

i don't know people of the webwide world... i think team canada's debut in dinosaur hockey is going to be a slight disaster... all because of me... oh man!

to be continued...

leaping lizards... the ski jump!

[Production Note: Our apologies to a number of people of flickr. We have "borrowed" all the pictures with a ski jump in this post from various people on flickr. However due to the installation of some new software on our PIP computer, the bookmarks for these were all lost. If you are one of the photographers who took these shots we will take down any of these shots if you wish, but please take the spirit of fun we've used them for in mind (and we are making no money off of any of them)]

it was finally the beginning of my special talent agent peter bond's grand scheme... the dinosaur winter OH-lympics.

i wish i could say i was excited about the games, as games are supposed to be fun aren't they? instead i was looking at the prospective of losing all my money if the games "failed".

even worse the first "game" didn't look all that fun to me. not one bit, and i'm looking at it right now!!!

lillian was a bit more than nervous about this ski jumping of peter's. so like any good (wannabe) boyfriend i accompanied her up to the top of the tower to look down the ramp she'd be zooming down in under an hour...

to say it was scary would be understating it, people of the innerweb. it was downright terrifying, and i wasn't even the one having to go down it.

lillian in proper tyrannosaurian fashion acted like she wasn't afraid. "this isn't much higher than a coulee in the badlands." she weakly dismissed. only i could see through her lie, being a tyrannosaur myself. her mouth was slightly a gap, a tell tale signs all was not well with her.

i decided to leave it though. in my experience most tyrannosaurids (apart from me) can get very testy when you question their bravery and other such nonsense. in my experience if you're scared, its best to just let it out. otherwise you'll do silly things later anyway (at least if you're me again).

i wished lillian good luck as the other competitors started to show up. it was time for me to head to the back of the tower as a non-jumper. lillian didn't respond to me, and just kept starring down the ramp before us. i didn't blame her for the rudeness this time. i'd be pretty wrapped up in the moment if i was in her claws.

however i was about head up to the observation deck, lillian turned and called after me. "thank you for coming up with me traumador. the company was very nice before... well you know."

as much as i stood to lose from these OH-lympics, one bright side of the whole affair was starting to emerge. i was starting to make considerable gains with the girl of my dreams...

taking my seat waiting for the event to start, suddenly a number of TVs set up on the ski jump turned on. a rather catchy jingle starting playing as a very familiar voice began to speak.

Welcome ladies and gentlemen to a special public access cable, channel 299.5, presentation. Tonight we bring you the debut of a sporting event of geologic proportions... the first ever Dinosaur Winter Games!!!

As the music cranked to epic levels the screen cut to two broadcasters... well people pretending to broadcasters... and i could see why the voice was familiar.

I am Peter Bond...

my talent agent introduced himself, but than paused. silence followed.

Ahem!

Oh right sorry, and I am Gus Richards.

Peter's co host finally introduced himself.

You didn't say how stressful this would be when we went to live. Just look at that little "on the air" light blinking...

Not NOW Gus!

Oh right sorry ladies and gentlemen. This is my first gig on TV, and I'm a little nervous.

Nothing the good folks at home *cough* need to know about Gus!

So here we are coming at you live from beautiful Vancouver, where the conditions are perfect today for our first Olympic event, the Saurian ski jump.

Another pause.

Ahem ahem!

Ah, yes Peter... where, uh. Five teams from around the worm... no sorry world are about to compete for... hmmm the gory. Oh, glory of being the best Dinosaurs of all time... in winner sport.

That's winter sport!

Sorry man, its hard to read your hand writing! Couldn't you have typed that up or something before hand!

gus suddenly realized yet again he'd embarrassed himself on TV and looked blankly at the camera. peter clearly muddled himself by his co anchor's nerves pressed on in typical chipper bond fashion.

The first team to take to the air today is team Australia.

That's right Peter. Today Australia will be represented by Rang the Leaellynasauras.

Indeed, as today all our Prehistoric teams are only allowed to field only one athlete to compete in the Ski Jump. Though rest assured folks, we have plenty of team sports coming up later in the games!

We now go live to the ski jump, where Rang is about to make the first jump of the day...

we all held our breath, as the little aussie dinosaur confidently, and frankly bravely pushed himself down the ramp. if i had to guess i'd say he was completely unphased by the prospect of shooting down the giant tower at break neck speeds, flying off high in the air, and soaring across hundreds of meters!

What a beautiful jump!

You sound surprised Gus.

I am actually. I figured this would just be a joke that played out as a horror show.

Ahem!

I mean I was expecting more... suspense than this.

HAHAHA yes. Back to our Australian jumper.

Based on all the ski jumping I've ever seen I'd say Rang is doing quite well. Won't you agree???

Absolutely. He is showing excellent flying position.

I believe in ski jumping they call it form.

Exactly what fantastic form our little friend from down under is showing!

What would you place Australia's chances at Peter?

We're not expecting the Aussie's to be the strongest contender in many of these events. With the ski jump in particular I believe the Australian coach has made the mistake of picking one of her lightest team members. A number of the coaches opted for their biggest and heaviest Dinosaurs, as they should be propelled faster and further.

The grace and agility we're seeing in the air won't be a factor then you don't think?

Of course n...

Rang finally came to the ground, way near the bottom of the hill...

One hundred metres?!? As I was saying before Gus, I totally believed that Rang's grace and ability...

Agility!

Yes agility were going to be key factors in a successful jump!

Right...

Anyways what was your expert opinion on that jump Gus?

Expert? Well having watched the odd round of ski jumping in the past, I'd say for a first jump, 100 metres is pretty good! It sets the bar high, and shows that Australia may just be a contender in these winter games after all!

That remains to be seen, Gus. As several teams coming up have fielded their true heavy weights into the competition. If Rang weighing in at a mere 10 kilograms can jump 100 metres, let's see how far a multi ton beast can go!!!

Next up we have your very own team Canada's Lillian about to make the jump.

You mean all of Canada's don't you.

No I mean it is your team. Isn't it.

HAHAHAHAHA *whispered* I was going to try to keep a lid on my coaching status. We're supposed to impartial right *resuming normal volume* So team Canada's coach looks like he was wisely chosen his largest biped for the jump. Let's she how she does.

the moment of truth came, as lillian braced herself for launch. i could barely watch as she pushed off and propelled down the ramp!

within a matter of seconds lillian was sky bound! you know for a mutant multi ton relative of a bird, lillian was doing pretty good at showing her lineage to avians... you know without the feathers, or flapping, or properly flying.

There can not possibly have been a more intimidating... errr I mean spectacular sight ever seen coming down a ski jump hill. A Tyrannosaurus Rex...

Albertosaurus Gus. An Albertosaurus. *whispering* Trust me she gets a little grumpy if you mix it up, and a you won't know the difference between an Albertosaur and Tyrannosaur when their grumpy if you follow me!

Sorry an Albertosaurus, majestically flying through the air.


Oh and she is about to make her landing! How far will team Canada make it with Lillian's 2 ton bulk propelling her.

What an upset! Despite her considerable weight advantage, Lillian comes in at only 67 metres! Putting Team Canada in second on only jump number 2!

That can't be...

What's that Peter?

I could have sworn she'd be a clincher being so heavy, and... Oh I'm sorry. Like I was saying Gus, that can't be the start that Team Canada was looking for here in the first game.

We next come to Team China, who are clearly going to want to get ahead of at least Team Canada with Lillian's considerably shorter jump than Team Australia's Rang.

Indeed Gus. Now the Chinese coach has opted for a different tactic of ski jumper than the other big weight teams such as Canada and Gondwana. Despite having the choice of two potentially large jumpers, China has opted for their most compact big Dinosaur Lao-Gui Meng the Pinacosaur. The theory being that a more condensed heavy animal will be propelled that much further.

An interesting strategy. Well it won't take too much, apart from a good jump, to probably out do Canada's 67 metres. Though to catch up to current front runner Australia's 100 might prove a bit more difficult.

Well we're about to find out, as Lao-Gui takes to the air!

An excellent start to the jump too...

You know I was wrong about Lillian's jump. What we are now watching now has to be the most unique ski jump EVER!


Indeed who would have guessed something so bulky as an armoured Dinosaur would look so graceful in the air?

For those who were wondering Lao-Gui name in Chinese means Ancient Turtle.


I wasn't Gus, but I guess after today no one will be able to say Loud Gway is an old fart after today.

Actually Peter, in her native China the turtle is seen a being of great wisdom and patience. So I don't think the name would carry the same demeaning nature it does here in North America. That and you said her name wro...

So like I said I don't think anyone will make fun of our flying turtle again.

Oh no! but what a short lived time in the air! Landing at the mere 1 metre mark!


It would appear China's plan on using its most compact heavy weight has completely backfired! As Lao-Gui lands within a moment of taking off. What a shame for Team China, who now take third.


Sadly a very easy to out do third though Peter.


Indeed Gus, and I think the Americans are keen to seize it too! Team America has opted for a light weight jumper much like Australia.


Yes only this one has a heavy something or other. Starting with a k?


That would be head, Gus. It says head.


Look dude, you're hand writing isn't that good.


The American jumper, Bronko the Stygimoloch, weighing in at about twice the weight of Rang may present Australia with their real first challenge to their first place jump. Only unlike the truly light weight Leaellynasauras, Bronko's head is made of dense armoured bone. Possibly giving him a little more propolution, and the edge to victory.

Or we might see a combination of both Rang and Lao-Gui's jumps.

How would that work? The best and the worst jumps put together, what we'd get the medium jump?

Hey don't look at me. This commentator thing is hard. I just said it is it seemed a natural connection.

Well we'll find out if this is the unlikely combination Gus predicts, or if the Americans are about to make Dinosaur Olympic history!

I didn't predict...

Shhhhh Bronko is taking off!

And a good take off so far.

Bronko is making this look easy. Even more so than Rang from Australia did.

Indeed, perfect form up there. However I can't help but notice Bronko is holding his head very oddly.

I see what you mean Gus. It would appear our Pachycephalosaur is using his very heavy head to steer to a greater degree than our previous jumpers.

Oh and it looks like it is going to pay off for our hard headed American jumper!

Bronko still hasn't touched down as he passes the 70 metre mark... now the 80!... Oh my the 90... and Bronko will come down on the 96 metre mark! A mere 4 metres from first place!!!

That must be real frustrating to Team American.

Yet to jump into second place, that isn't too bad.

Indeed, putting our standings currently at Australia in first, America in second, Canada in third, and China in fourth. However our last jumper of the day from Team Gondwana could very well change all this.

That's right Gus, as Team Gondwana is taking heavy weight ski jumping to its extreme! Both Team China and Team Canada fielded Dinosaur jumpers who weighed a "mere" 2 tons. Gondwana's Sansom the Spinosaur comes in at a whopping 8 tons! Meaning we'll really get to see if there is anything in sending such huge jumpers down our hill today!

Indeed Peter. So far we've seen that the lighter and more agile jumpers have had the most like in gliding down the hill. Our heavy weights however have both had different problems. In the case of China it was too much weight and their jumper simply fell out of the air right away. Canada on the other hand had a descent jump, but that weight just didn't propell their jumper enough to beat the light weights from gliding past.

However if a 2 ton Albertosaur can shot 67 metres, will a 8 ton Spinosaur go that much further?

We are about to find out, as here goes Sansom!

Nice form in the initial take off. I don't know, Gus, based on the speed and air this massive theropod has so far, I'm thinking Australia and America could be in trouble.

I'm agreeing Peter. Though Sansom isn't gliding gracefully, his weight is carrying him like a cannon ball. I think his target is gold too!


Oh but what is this?!?

We're seeing Sansom experience some trouble midair!

What's happening?

I think the wind is catching the giant sail on Sansom's back! Oh no and it is blowing Gondwana's jumper off course...

Sansom is coming down the finally stage of the hill, but he is looking really out of control ladies and gentlemen!

This is going to be close folks! Currently he has just passed the 90 metre mark, meaning if he can land this Sansom will clinch victory for Team Gondwana...

OH NO!
OH NO!

Sansom has landed in the audience... Thank goodness I required those release forms with ever ticket!

Oh this is terrible. Not only does Team Gondwana come in last for not landing, but now its jumper and many spectaters could be seriously hurt...

We're getting reports that Sansom, apart from a hurt ego, has managed to pick himself up and is okay.

Hows that Peter?

It appears uh... several patrons broke his fall.

Yuck!

Indeed Gus.

Well there you have it. Team Australia wins the event, the United States comes in second, and Canada comes in third.

So be sure to tune in later this week as our coverage of the first ever Dinosaur Winter games continues! In the meantime I have some free tickets to give out to some mad squished people!

wait are those people going to be mad at me for funding the OH-lympics?

peter has now repeatedly assured me no one was permenantly squished from having the full grown bull spinosaur land on them. does that mean they were temporarily squished then? how can you be temporarliy squished?...

To be Continued:

With more events. So like the commentators said stay tuned!

looming doom... the OH-lympics are on!!!

i won't lie. i'm kind of angry people of the web wide world...

angry at the one guy i thought i could trust... my special talent agent peter bond.

i'd given him money to take lillian the albertosaur around the world and try to reclaim her lost fame... i didn't give it to him to fund these dinosaur OH-lympics of his! i currently have nothing left. meaning i'm stranded here in canada!

peter assures me that if these OH-lympics are a success i'll not only make my money back, but a lot more... which is fine and dandy, assuming he is right... but how often do things work out in my life?!?

meaning my only hope of getting back to new zealand is to go ahead with these crazy games of peter's... otherwise i'm doomed.

although speaking of doom, i have to say the start to these games are turning out to be very scary!!!

peter took aside the whole of team canada, which consisted of myself, norman a. centrosaurus, and lillian to tell us about the first event. immediately we dinosaurs could all tell something epic was about to go down. literally go down too! as looming behind peter was the first venue of the dinosaur winter OH-lympics...

this first game was something called ski jumping... which no, unlike its name does not mean you're trying to train a ski to leap or something (uh not that that's what i thought it was at first or anything...).

no apparently, in this human sport, the skis are strapped onto you and you jump off of a giant tower which only serves the purpose of being there for people with skis strapped on them to jump off of! how crazy is that?!? to my human readers, seriously what is going through your heads when you come up with these crazy "sports"?

(i guess i should mention that the giant tower has a ramp attached to it... making the jump a bit more interesting than a straight down plunge... i guess)

than came the tense moment, when we were going to decide who was going to jump off the big tower... there was good news in this, only one of us would have to do it. the bad news was that one of us would have to do it...

there was no way i was going jump off that tower!!! sadly for me my other two teammates had the same stance on the topic as i did...

"come on now team canada!" peter tried to rally us. "we need to show the world who the best is, and we can't do that if you're all too afraid to even step forward to the challenge."

"he thinks the jumping is the challenging part," norman muttered aloud for us all to hear.

"i'm more worried about the landing myself," i pointed out.

lillian rather than focus on the choosing issue, asked peter a very pointed, and frankly good question. "why are you telling us all this and selecting one of us now? can't this wait till we're up on the tower at least? when we can see exactly what we are doing."

"YEAH!!!" me and norman piped in together. it was a good point, why weren't we at the top of the tower?

"well my canuck-osauruses," peter cautioned. "the price we pay as the host team, is that unfortunately during events i won't be able to be your acting coach."

this didn't phase us as much as i think peter wanted it too. he'd been expecting a big gushing or something. however the lot of us just looked at each other unsure why this was a big deal... of course, none of us had ever participated in any sports before. we were going to find out all too soon why having a coach is a good thing.

with our lack of concern about his absence, peter pushed things back to selecting our ski jumper.

"i only have two skis," peter outlined. "so i need a biped to jump."

norman let out a sigh of relief. me and lillian nervously looked at each other. though i just knew that peter was going to select me. between me and lillian (norman to come to think of it) i was the most adaptive and human like out of the lot of us. if one of us was going to stand a chance of making this jump alive it was me.

which is why i was completely thrown for a loop when peter said. "now as the point of this sport is to travel the furthest, i'm reckoning weight will be the most important factor of the skier. so lillian as coach i'm picking you."

phew! i thought for a moment. then it hit me... i may not have been plunging to my doom, but the girl of my dreams about about to!!!

before i could speak up in protest, peter started to take off away from the ski jump. "okay gang, break a leg... oh right, don't do that! make canada proud and bring us home a gold instead!"

bring back some metal ore? what did that have do with speeding off a tower on two planks of wood?

before he was out of sight peter added. "oh and while the events going on, tune into channel 299 and let me know how i do."

what?!?

so while lillian is potentially learning why tyrannosaurs weren't the direct relatives of birds, peter would be doing what exactly?

to be continued: with leaping lizards!

the price i pay...

i forgot how much i liked vancouver.

as far as human cities go this one has to be among my favourites. especially at night...

can you blame me really? it is just so pretty at night.

as much as i would have liked to just linger and enjoy the coloured darkness of vancouver i had business to attend to.

that business being the dinosaur OH-lympics organized by my special talent agent peter bond. he'd summoned a bunch of other dinosaur from around the world and wanted us all to compete against each other in some winter sports...
`

the problem is i had no idea how or why.

`
peter organized a meeting to discuss just that. funny enough he picked the same place where we first met, and i signed him on as my special talent agent...
`


i immediately complained how peter hadn't given me any notice before committing me to these "OH-lympics" of his. "traum, baby when you're dealing in the world of talent and fame you have to be ready to react to opportunities in an instant," he tried to assure me.

`
"what about the opportunities in new york?" i demanded.
`

"ah yes, new york," peter paused, as he seems to a lot, and after moment. "though new york was defiantly chance for lillian to regain her status as a museum attraction. it would have been just that, regaining. she'd have been nothing more than she was before. lillian would be just another dinosaur in a museum. these olympics could very well catapult her to a whole new level of stardom and fame. besides you were getting nothing out of our being in new york."
`

i was getting lots i thought! i was giving the girl of my dreams happiness and a chance at the life she'd always wanted. through that i was hoping i'd gain a lot more. her heart namely! not that these OH-lympics were hurting that plan, i had to hand it too peter. if anything this put me in position to collect on my winnings if they were to be had!
`

that and it would be nice if things were to go my way too!
`

good now that i had that rant out of my system time to get to these OH-lympics.
`

peter outlined how he was hoping to run several events for us dinosaurs. some of them i'd heard of like ice hockey and uh... okay ice hockey was the only one i'd heard of. i am a canadian dinosaur afterall :P
`

some of these other ones though... figure skating, whats that? the skinniest on the ice wins? cross-country skiing, man why couldn't he have organized that in a nice small country like new zealand? canada is way to big to ski across! ski jumping sounds silly. even i know that skis aren't alive or have legs capable of jumping! curling just sounds like we're all going to get sick tummies! bob-sled takes the cake as the sport that sounds the most ridiculous! none of us dinosaurs are even named bob, why not dino sled or saurus sled... oh wait sledosaurus!
`
peter then grabbed my glass and clanged his own into mine... i'm not sure why. he called it a toast, but i KNOW that happens to be a breakfast with bread (something i would never have! it would make my carnivorous tummy upset). "here's to the olympics!"

still not sure what this had to do with breakfast toast, i asked. "where's to them?"

"what?" peter asked me back.

"you said 'here's to the OH-lympics', but that doesn't make sense. they're not here now, and you didn't give me proper directions to where they're going to be," i pointed out, not sure why this was confusing peter... though i guess if he always gives bad directions like that he might not understand my problem.

peter just laughed. "good one, traum," i just blinked. "okay never mind," peter dismissed the whole conversation. "moving on then."

i saw a good point to bring up something i'd wanted to say in relation to the OH-lympics. "it sure was nice of the city to let us host the games here," i complimented our large host. "you must have asked them really nice."

peter chuckled confidently. "nothing says please like several thousand dollars."

i paused thinking about that for a second. "where did you get that much money?"

"from you of course," peter pointed out.

"WHAT?!?" i yelled.

people from all over the restaurant started to look at us really funny. "finish your drink, and calm down!" peter instructed me as he looked frantically around worried about all the probing eyes.

as i angrily chugged on my vanilla cola, peter anxiously sipped on his drink, a metro something or other. i'd given peter permission to fund a world tour for him and lillian. i hadn't given him permission to use my money for funding big sporting events!

i didn't have that much money to begin with... just a museum security guard's meager savings.

peter finally finished, and more to the point was comfortable that no one was watching us argue anymore. "look big guy, i know it sounds like a lot of money, but you can't make money if you don't spend money."

"i wasn't wanting to make money!" i stated. "i just wanted you to make lillian famous again!"

`
"not want to make..." peter couldn't believe his ears.
`
"what have i been paying for?" i wondered outloud.

"nothing much," peter started. "just the application of a event to the city, renting the venues, insuring the venues, the flights for all the competitors and their coaches, renting a TV studio and equipment, oh speaking of which i'm going to need to buy a suit for when i am doing the play by plays, hiring an artist to make the games logo, and..." he looked up to my glare. "well you get the idea traum."

"how much do i have left? " i demanded.

peter looked sort of sheepish. "not much."

"how am i supposed to get back to new zealand and my job?!?"

"ah now there you have nothing to worry about," peter tried to calm me down. "see with all the marketing tie ins i'm hoping this will generate we'll see you getting double your investment back out of this little venture," i didn't look convinced. "come on traum, with all big name museums i'm drawn into the games how can we not make a mint?"

i just looked away overwhelmed. a tiny part of my tiny brain had wondered if it was a good idea to give peter total access to my money... now i knew!

noting my concerns peter tried to summarize. "look traum, i know this looks like it was a waste of your money, but i assure you i've only spent money where it was absolutely needed! from here on in we won't spend anymore unless it is absolutely necessary!"

i'd paid for the whole thing to happen, but for what reason? simply to make back what i'd spent on it in the first place! there was no guarantee with all these other dinosaurs around me and lillian would come out as the stars of the whole thing. more to the point, what did peter consider absolutely necessary spending?

as if to answer my question fireworks broke out on the harbour! oh man, i better not be paying for those too!!!

`
peter noticing my anxiety. "oh yeah, i forgot about those."

what am i going to do people of the innerweb?... especially now that we were in the thick of it all. i couldn't pull the plug now can i?

next: preparation for the first event!

the final team... or is it?

well today certainly wasn't panning out how i'd envisioned it...

i'd actually nearly had a real romantic date with lillian! of course right at the last minute everything had gone weird... not wrong mind you (i was this close to a nose nuzzle!) just weird.

for you see, our special talent agent peter bond had finally organized his big plan for us finding fame here at the OH-lympics. he'd called in a bunch of other vivus-dinosaurs from various museums from around the world, and wanted us all to compete against each other. the problem is that all those other dinosaurs showed up right in the middle of my date!!!

as all the other dinosaurs were in teams of 3 representing different parts of the world (china, the united states of america, gondwana, and australia) this left me and lillian with the obvious questions of what team were we on, and with who else?

so the two of us went hunting for our talent agent in hopes of tracking down some answers to these open questions...

as we walked lillian told me the best thing i'd heard since i'd arrived here in vancouver. "i had a lovely afternoon traumador."

"really?" i responded in anticipation. lillian nodded (a human trait she'd picked up from her years as a museum attraction... theropods don't naturally nod in agreements). i had to ask. "would you like to do it again when we get a chance?"

"yes," she definitely stated. though added a moment later. "if peter gives us a chance."

though it wasn't the best joke ever we both chuckled...

then it dawned on me, just like that i had another date with lillian! were we "going out" now? i had no clue... partially as i had no clue what that meant, i'd just heard it on TV a lot when the people on it were dating a lot. which doesn't make sense! i'd already gone out with lillian. didn't that mean we were just going out again?

we were quickly getting closer to where peter told us to meet him, and a strange but familiar smell built in the air. unlike during our date, both me and lillian could tell you the source of this smell, as our instincts started our mouths watering a bit...

there was a ceratopsian nearby!... and a human too, but our tyrannosaurian instincts picked up the horned dinosaur first. on the beach earlier we hadn't recognized the other dinosaurs smells immediately as most of them were completely foreign to our prehistoric albertan instincts.

as we came around the corner the question of who our teammate was got answered. standing with peter was my childhood friend norman a. centrosaurus!!!

this was a welcome sight, for in all the craziness that was my trip to calgary, i hadn't managed to properly say good bye to norman as i'd promised i would. cool, with him on my team i'd get to visit with him a whole bunch more!

norman honked a greeting at us (or just me, i'm not sure), which i did my best to return (my tyrannosaurid throat is just not designed for the noise. i have enough trouble with english!). this caused lillian to look at me really funny though...

peter not noticing lillian's sudden hostile stance happily greeted us. "ah good, the rest of team canada has arrived!"

well that ended all the wondering, and it all made sense. ignoring that me and lillian had effectively been exiled from the country, the three of us were all canadian dinosaurs originally. better yet we'd all grown up in the same town!

not that we'd all gotten along back in those days... which was appearing to be a problem now!

peter started blabbing on about our "game plan" for the dinosaur OH-lympics... which if i caught it all right (i was heavily distracted as you'll see) entailed us winning, and not much else in line of a plan...

however had he been paying attention behind him, our team was not off to a very good start. lillian started growling at norman rather aggressively. norman being a ceratopsian instinctively responded with threatening snorts.

oh crud! i'd totally forgotten this facet of lillian. despite not wanting to join the pack of the primordial feather, she was still a pretty pure tyrannosaurid when it came down to it. like most other vivus-theropods, lillian has a real disdain for "prey" animals, and ceratopsians and hadrosaurs are at the top of her dislike list. meaning she was viewing norman as a dinner on legs, and not an equal worthy of being on a team with her!

as for norman he is pretty impartial about the whole theropod vs. none theropod issue, having hung out with me and zendin throughout his childhood. in fact me and him owe a lot of our outcast status to our tolerance of each other. however if you are hostile to norman than his stubborn ceratopsian tendencies boil to the surface, and he'll quickly take a disliking to you. which was just what had happened between him and lillian!

peter ended his little peep talk on the most ironic line he could have picked! "so here's to a united team canada. let's smoke the rest of the world!"

a united team... man, peter couldn't have been further from the reality of our members right now. even if he'd tried. sure i could get along with either one of them perfectly fine. lillian and norman on the other hand were already close to mortal enemies!

go canada go? oh man...

next: the costs of OH-lympics!

i expect my food to at least be dead!

[Production Note: This post is heavily inspired by a true story! The ONLY difference is that in real life no food was ever brough...]

now that i'm at the Oh-lympics, my special talent agent peter bond is insisting we explore around vancouver. i think he is hoping to find somewhere i can jump in and instantly become famous.

well there is nowhere hiding fame so far. however there are a lot of houses... or what they're calling houses. (i thought a house was somewhere humans lived... these certainly are not those!)
`
so far all people do at these "houses" is sit around and watch sports... which i've been noticing a lot of during these Oh-lympics. sports... isn't that a bit of a distraction? you'd think people would be Oh-lympicing right now. whatever that is?
`
we ended up at the "atlantic house" for the evening... it turns out it is not a home for an ocean, like i thought. it is just atlantic canada's "house"... which is not the house for everyone in atlantic canada... again this calling them houses thing is confusing me!

anyways so when we got there we had to wait in line... for a really long time. 4 hours!

this kind of meant the whole afternoon was boring as! i mean what can you do, other then stand in line?

at least i had peter to talk to. i wanted him to tell me tales of he and lillian's adventures in new york, instead peter spent the whole time telling me all about all sorts of winter games for some reason? in fact i noticed that was all anyone in the line was talking about... what's up with that?

anyways finally they let us in, and we settled in. after SO long in the line we were getting pretty hungry. the atlantic house told us in a couple hours they'd be opening the kitchen. oh man i couldn't wait!

in the meantime me and peter watched a bunch of those already mentioned winter sports. which was ALL that seemed to be on the TV, for some reason... i'd never seen so many on in a row. so i learned about all the games peter had told me about earlier. which was kind of cool, i guess, as some of them were neat. it wasn't exactly how i would have spent the time if it'd been up to me though.

however time flew by, and still nothing in my stomach...

to try and "entertain" us all, the atlantic house put some guy named ashley macisaac up on the stage. peter informed me he is famous for playing the needle, or was it a fiddle? i didn't care. i was so hungry i hardly noticed him play music. i just wanted something to eat!

(turns out looking him up, this ashley macisaac is quite famous... so i guess i can say i saw him play some music! not that i really noticed...)

i was SO hungry, and so was everyone else around us. in fact it was getting so bad that we were all getting grumpy. it hit a particular boiling point when my tummy grumbled. all the surrounding tables paniced... which i guess makes sense if your only context of a tyrannosaur is from jurassic park... i sort of took offense as i'm a civilized t-rex. i know people are friends not food... oh well it was this event that tiggered it all.

when the table beside us called over the waiter every table in the area eagerly pulled out the menus to remember their orders. instead of taking our orders though, the waiter dropped a bombshell and informed us that we would not be able to order food as the kitchen was closed!

this immediately caused an outrage, as we'd all hadn't eaten in 6-8 hours! when we all demanded why the kitchen was closed, the waiter told us a bunch of different things! the first table he told the kitchen had only been taking orders for a few minutes (for which no waiters could be found anywhere near our tables!), yet the table beside us got told the kitchen ran out of food, and finally me and peter were told they ran out of electricity...

even i knew (with my small brain) that couldn't have been true... as we saw the waiter lie right to our faces, due to the ELECTRIC light bulb hanging about the table!!!

they weren't going to give us any food. they wouldn't let us back in if we left to get any food. they wouldn't even let us order in a pizza or something!

this would not due! yet the resturant held firm the whole night... yet food continually came out of the kitchen in front of us, but delievered to other tables who apparently had spare electricity or something! the worst was when a couple pizzas got carried through to the VIP area. we can't order pizzas but the special people can? that is so unfair!

nothing changed, that is till my tummy growled again. everyone once again paniced, and word got round that the dinosaur in the corner was going to go berserk. the manager himself showed up, and told me if i tried to eat any of the other "customers" (which peter found funny, as no one was allowed to buy anything!) we'd get kicked out.

peter told the manager a lie of his own... which normally wouldn't be good, but i guess in this case since they lied to us made it okay. right?... anyways peter claimed i was a big famous mascot for the Oh-lympics, and that if they kicked me out he'd see to it they'd be shut down. which wasn't true (i think anyways?).

peter then further demanded if we weren't given something for me to eat we'd be sure to mention it to the media. "you eat meat?" the manager asked already knowing the answer. when i nodded the manager ran off to get my food.

he came back with a salmon. by that i mean a raw uncooked salmon. it hadn't even been gutted. based on the smell i'd say it was pretty fresh.

peter tried not to be sick.

me, well sure i like my food prepared in the human style, but 65 million years of gut instinct is pretty strong. i'll eat my meat cooked or raw. heck i'll even eat meat that is slightly rotten (my stomach is a lot more hardy when it comes to meat then you omnivourus humans).

happily i tried to dig right in... though you'll note i said TRIED!

next thing i knew the salmon was trying to eat me!!!

the atlantic house had brought me out a live salmon... what is up with that?!?

and the stupid thing bite my nose... OWWWWW!

it hurt so much (just on the inside of my mouth, mind you. fortunanetly my snout is very heavily built!)!!!

before i knew it peter grabbed the fish by the tail and threw it away...

leaving me with not only a sore mouth, but also a sore empty tummy! i would have bite it and killed it to eat it... in the cretaceous my ancestors took damage all the time. not that i liked too, but if i had to in order to eat then i would take it... yet i had no chance to act on this instinct.

not that i could care about my hunger now. the fish was gone (i wonder if it made it back the ocean just out the front door?) and now my mouth's roof hurt a ton!

good thing i had peter there to help me out...

so far though i can safely say i HATE the Oh-lympic houses!!!

to be continued with more houses...