boy are our faces pink...

as much as i "like" waiting for things to happen, i actually bore quite easy. while we vivus-dinosaurs wait around the royal british columbia museum for the convention my special talent agent peter bond has organized, i decided to put together my own event. especially since we're all just standing around victoria doing nothing at the moment.

over on ART Evolved they're just about to wrap up their pink dinosaurs for cancer research event, and i realized with great embarrassment that none of us vivus-dinosaurs have done anything for it!?!

so i called in every friend and favour i could!

i started off with lillian the albertosaur, as my idea was quite public and there was a chance some celebrity could result from it. this was enough to get her to agree. though i made sure to keep out the other dinosaur involvement. lillian has been quite volatile about being around other dinosaurs lately.

like i thought, apart from her sensitive snout (which i predicted given how my own nose is), lillian didn't mind my paint job.

norman a. centrosaur on the other hand was a lot more skeptical about my motives, not that he minded the paint job.

`

"are you sure about this?" he demanded multiple times throughout my covering him in paint.

`

"of course i am," i'd try to assure him.

`

"i know you think you're sure," norman would retort. "i just want to make sure this isn't one of those times you've convinced yourself of something, only to find out it was your brain making it up, leaving us in the lurch."

"why are you suddenly so sensitive?" i finally asked him, wondering what his sudden concern about our cause was. "back in the old days you were never this worried about me making a tiny brain mistake."

`

clearly he was embarrassed by whatever he was worried about, as he awkwardly recomposed himself before saying. "true, but normally you weren't making me change my colouring into something that might be seen as ridiculous by the outside world."

i guess norman did have a point there. normally a pink dinosaur would be cause of ridicule and amusement, but i had it on good authority pink was not just acceptable in october, but really the classy thing to do. norman relented after i explained it to him.

the best of my art subjects had to be dollie the stegosaur my new friend from the OH-lympics. unlike the other two she didn't need to told a reason, other than i needed her help. dollie and me had a lot in common, wanting to help others out seemed to be high up the list.

getting my three master pieces together on the front lawn of the royal british columbia museum, i had the vivus contribution to the pink dinosaur event together!

`

i think they look pretty sweet, don't you?

just after i'd taken the necessary photos, i was about to wrap up when norman mischievously said "one second, traumador. there is one thing missing from your pink dinosaurs."

`

"what's that?" i asked starting to turn around.

norman with mouth half full replied. "a pink tyrannosaurus rex," and with that he dumped the last of my pink paint all over me!!!

caught between a tyrannosaur and a ceratopsian...

oh man...

to say that the dinosaur winter games had not been going my way, was becoming THE understatement of the year!

they were potentially bankrupting me, keeping me stuck in canada (i've got things to get back to in new zealand... it feels like i've been away for AGES!), and worst of all were humiliating me in front of the whole world. not once, but twice!

the latest of those was the hockey match. it was not only a bad game, but it was now having some major effects on my life beyond the rink too...

team canada had gotten creamed. we totally lost to team china. the worst part, i was probably the big cause of it all!

well okay, while i'm known to try and take the blame for everything (i am a canadian t-rex after all!), but some of the blame really does deserve to goto my special talent agent peter bond...

despite knowing that i couldn't skate, he fielded me on the ice in the first place. his logic at the time was that if some of his dinosaurs couldn't skate, other teams would have that problem too... so much for that idea. i was the only dinosaur (so far anyway... team gondwana hasn't played yet) who can't skate in the whole OH-lympics!

what a great way to make me the star of the games!?! he even made me buy my own team canada jersey. making me the only dinosaur to wear a uniform... though as a side note i can't figure out why everyone makes fun of the back of it?

you'd think this isolation and humiliation would be the most of my problems. well it does suck, but there was an even bigger problem to team canada's defeat. my team itself!

you see, lillian albertosaurus and norman a. centrosaur hadn't been all that keen about being on the same team in the first place. with the really public (and talked about) defeat of the home team they were REALLY not getting along now!

leaving the stadium after the game, the two weren't keeping their contempt for each other contained...

it got so bad that the police had to keep the public at a safe distance.

not that i want to have to say bad things about the girl of my dreams, but in fairness to norman, it was lillian who was the true instigator. she ripped into him for being a "stupid" "open skulled" ceratopsian (while it is sort of true the norman's frill is in a sense open, in that it hoad two hollows way up to reduce his head's weight... this doesn't mean his skull is substandard and thus making him stupid or something... as lillian was trying to get at).

norman didn't help matters though by insulting lillian back about being conceited and full of herself...

of course the news picked up the whole fight... which is probably only going to make matters worse later on. ugh.

it is times like this i realized why vivus dinosaurs have such a bad spot in the modern world.

at the end of the very public (potentially embarrassing) fight they both stormed off even more furious with the other. peter was still up in the boardcast booth doing our game's post game coverage, and was oblivious to the whole incident. leaving me all by myself to try and clean up the whole mess.

why did i stick my snout into all this? the smart thing to do would have been to stay out frankly. though when have i ever been known for being the smartest guy around?

well we still had more OH-lympic events to go, and team canada needed to stay a team to keep competing or we'd have to drop out (and possibly lose me all my money that peter had invested in these dumb games in the first place). more to the point they were both my friends, and good friends at that...

i'd known norman since i was a hatchling. we went way back. i wanted lillian to be my mate someday. it tore me up that these two really important dinosaurs in my life weren't getting along. there just had to be a way i could get them to like each other, and the various parts of my life would combine into a really happy whole...

why do i always have these impossibly noble intentions?

i ran into lillian first. she was angerily pacing outside the stadium.

i greeted her, and tried to innocently ask her how she was feeling...

this was my first big mistake of the day (after the game anyways). lillian might be a more progressive thinking tyrannosaurid than our relatives in the pack of the primordial pack, but not by that much more (compared to me). her full, albertosaur sized, temper suddenly zoned in on me.

"how am i feeling!?!" she growled. "how else do you think i'd feel after you and that open skull humiliated me in front of the whole world!!!"

"so not good," i answered automatically.

i was answered with a full on angry albertosaur howl... not exactly a settling sound, i must say.

"i'll take the full blame for the game, lillian," i tried to be selfless, and take one for the team. "norman played almost as good as you did." you know that was a good move on my part. complementing lillian with that, while at the same time playing up norman. if only lillian saw it that way...

"yes you were rather pathetic weren't you!" lillian agreed, but in a far more cutting way than i'd thought. "however the fact that i, a former world class attraction, was shamed by a runt like you and a ceratopsian. i can't even put into words how disgusted that makes me feel. of all thing,s a gutless open skull."

her words shouldn't have surprised me. in fact what she said about me slipped right off. i'd been insulted worse, by her and others. more to the point i was chalking this up to her theropod temper (we have slightly uncontrollable boiling points we meat eating dinosaurs). yet it was how she was putting down my friend norman that got me upset. she didn't even know him, that alone take the time to get to know him.

"i'll have you know that 'gutless' centrosaur has stuck his neck out a few times to help me out!" i countered forcefully. the second after i said it, i realized it had been a mistake.

"yes that is right, you are even worse aren't you," she insulted. "you lower yourself to being the equal of a prey animal!" yeah so when i said she wasn't as progressive as me, i'd forgotten by what a margin. lillian may have abandoned all notions of carrying on our ancestors' cretaceous ways, but she still held a fairly typical theropod mindset. especially about non-theropods.

"how does that make me a worse dinosaur?" i challenged. "at least it shows i'm strong enough to adapt to our present situation. those 'prey animals' are some of the few living things that know what we are going through. only someone cowardly and backwards would hold on the the notion we are somehow..." oops i really shouldn't have said cowardly. especially to a female tyrannosaurid!

lillian didn't say anything. she just charged at me with a challenge roar. i knew better than stay in the path of an on coming raging albertosaur. so i high tailed it out of there.

great. now i'd really urked the girl of my dreams. i knew much of what she'd said and done was just her mesozoic instincts taking over. yet in some ways i found lillians attitude really bothered me... i'd set about my life to try and combat the tyrannosaur sterotype. did i really want to spend my life with someone who embodied that very thing?

no i didn't. yet lillian was not beyond saving i decided. she'd said no to the pack, and in essence our ancient ways that they represented. if she could do that, than i was sure i could get her to come around on non-theropods...

though for the timing being i'd really ticked her off. oh man.

i wasn't going to make things any better in a second either!

i managed to track norman down fairly quickly after that. the good news about norman's kind being one of my "prey" in the olden days, was that my nose was pretty attuned to picking up his scent.

"how you holding up?" i asked my childhood friend.

"let's just say i've had better days," norman replied frankly.

"yeah the game was pretty rough," i thankful agreed. phew! he wasn't going to try and divide my loyalties... at least that's what i'd hoped.

"the game could have gone better," norman agree, but than clarified what he'd meant a moment earlier. "no, i meant having to put up with that stuck up albertosaur you think is so pretty."

"she's not that stuck up," i tried to counter. than had clarify myself. "okay she can be when she's angry. that's the only time though. honest. i've seen her nice many times."

"listen to yourself, traum," norman pleaded with me. "you're trying to defend a typical self important tyrant. everything you hate about your own kind! you seriously don't still have that silly crush on her, do you?!?"

"so what if i do?" i answered back definitely. though in my heart i wasn't sure at moment.

"traum, seriously, speaking as a friend, you can do better," norman said as sincerely as he could. the statement hurt for some reason. it really shouldn't have, yet it ran me over almost as bad as lillian's charge would have.

"what do you know? how can you be sure there is a tyrannosaurid who is better?!?" i found myself countering angrily... not that i'd wanted to snap. just with all the stress of lillian and now norman questioning my affection for the other, my own tyrannosaur temper had snapped.

norman just rolled his eyes. "what i do know traumador, is that deep down your better than all of your kind put together," he stated. "but as long as you're hung up on that carnivore throw back, you'll never live up to your potential."

i didn't say anything, i was desperately fighting off my own theropod temper tantrum...

"just look at yourself man," norman instructed me. "you're a step away from pulling a larry on me here. all because of lillian."

i still didn't say anything, i was literally biting my lips to keep from howling in anger myself. though i'm pretty sure i was throwing a pretty good death glare at him.

"seriously traum, she might be the only one of your 'kind' not to be in the pack, but she isn't that much better than them," norman concluded. "if it were me, i'd be glad to be alone, than mated to something that held me back as much as she would you. you are a one of kind tyrannosaur, my old friend. until you realize you deserve a one of a kind mate to match you, you'll never be happy."

norman started to walk off. "please think about it traumador. is she trying to impress you? or is it still like always you trying to impress her... because these days what does she have that you don't?"

once norman was out of sight, i let off my rage. for the next few minutes i was a trembling huffing mess.

than as my nerves calmed and my temper calmed i had a good think about what he'd said. you know he was right...

norman had always been good at analyzing us vivus dinosaurs, and the roles we tried to play in the modern world (despite the fact we were displaced from these roles by tens of millions of years). in some ways he was right. not just about lillian's discriminations, but how i'd always been trying to impress her.

really these days she was as homeless, displaced, and without purpose as me. only i wasn't so lonely. lillian was so busy trying to be a strong independent albertosaur, that she'd driven away all the potential allies she could have now. the only reason lillian was getting anywhere these days was because of me... i was her only friend, but she certainly wasn't my only one these days!

so the question was should i lose my crush on her, like norman suggested? or was she redeemable? could i make her see the error of her ways, and the benefits of not "being" a tyrannosaur? or was she a lost cause, no better than a member of the pack?

what do you think people of the web wide world?

hockey night in canada...

despite all the build up and commotion my special talent agent peter bond has been placing on the the dinosaur winter games they hadn't been a huge success thus far...

that was till today... wholly smokes!

today's event, the first round of a whole tournament, has become an instant hit. we sold out every round!

the event, canada's single obsession... ice hockey!

the event i feared more than anything has just begun here in vancouver...

Welcome Ladies and Gentlemen to this special by demand recap of today's Channel 299 point 5's previous coverage of the Ice Hockey tournament here in Vancouver...

I'm Peter Bond, good evening Canada!

and I'm Gus Richards welcoming the rest of the world, that Peter just rudely neglected!

Oh right. Sorry about that!

Due to the flood of calls from people who missed our original broadcast of the event, Channel 299.5 proudly brings you this recap of today's ice hockey games!

Brought to you by Meaties, breakfast of Canines!

Breakfast of Canines? That doesn't even remotely sound like champions!

Don't question the sponsors on the air...

Today saw the beginning of the round robin tournament that will determine which prehistoric country or super-continent can claim dominance in the hockey rink.

That's right after a five game circuit only the top 4 teams will make it to the championships.

Peter there are only 5 teams, its hardly suspenseful!

Uhuh think of how devastating it will be for the one eliminated team!

Face it Peter, as the organizer, you couldn't think of anything else to do with such a small team pool.

Maybe...

Anyways today saw two very interesting games, with very unexpected outcomes!

Yes with that in mind let's take a look at everything that happened today...

The first match of the day was between the two overall leaders in these Dinosaur Winter Games so far, Australia and the USA.

Anyone watching the Olympics so far will know that both these teams have dominated the overall competition.

Australia in particular entered today undefeated.

Yeah stupid cheating convicts! Who knew that in the Cretaceous they were a polar continent?!?

Peter!!!

Oh right, sorry to all our Aussie viewers. I meant to say NON cheating convicts...

*Sigh* How did I let him talk me into commentating with him again?!?

The United States have been on the Aussie's tail in every event, just narrowly coming in second at the end everytime. The question today was would this trend continue, or would the States finally find a way to come out on top?

Indeed Peter, today's initial match could have been a preview of the potential final gold medal game...

While team Australia entered seeking its third straight victory, the Americans were ready to give them a fight. Literally.

Indeed today's opening games was an interesting clash of strategies. Australia fielded a fast agile team, with Boom and Rang Leaellynasaura as their forwards. opting for their larger heavy weight Hogan the Muttaburrasaur to be goalie. The Americans on the other hand went for a much more powerful and physical offense with Dollie the Stegosaur and Bronko the Stygimoloch on the frontline, leaving Elinor Einiosaurus in net.

At first we thought that perhaps speed could be a deciding factor, as the Leaellynasaura skated circles around the Americans. However no amount of puck ballet could save Australia.

The combination of Bronko's physical play, and Dollie's offense eventually knocked the Leaellynsaura not only off the puck but their game as well.

Not to mention their feet Gus.

I think I kind of covered that Peter.

However, despite Broncho's hard headed checks, team America's greatest weapon has turned out to be Dollie's thagomizer slap shot!

Thaga-what?!? You just made that word up!

No. I looked it up in this book. That is the technical name for a Stegosaurs spiked tail. See...

*Mumble mumble* Oh so it is...

Despite Hogan Muttaburrasaur's valiant efforts, I doubt there are many goalie's who'd be able to stop a puck going 150 mph! That is a good 30 miles faster than the hardest ever recorded human shot!!!

By the beginning of the third period the score was 4-1 for the Americans. Despite overall control of the puck by the Australians for most of the game, their lack of physicality kept them from scoring. Where as every time Dollie got the puck in the Australian zone the US was guaranteed a point! Hogan was only able to stop 3 of her shots, and these were taken essentially directly at him. They looked like very painful stops too...

It was at the mid point of the third period that the game took a very unexpected turn. Stealing the puck from Dollie, the Australians looked poised for a break away, which in the second period was the source of their only goal. However Broncho surprised Rang with a particularly aggressive check to the side.

That's right we barely could believe the brutality of the hit. Here is our response at the time...

Oh boy oh boy!

Rang is down, and looks pretty injured! The ref has called a halt to play. There must be a penalty coming up to team USA...

There go the medics... Now I'm wishing I'd hired proper vets and not just some guys from my first aid course...

What the ref is signalling that was a legal hit?

BOO!

Peter we're supposed to impartial.

How can that be considered a legal check though?!?

Let's watch the instant replay *watches replay* Well I guess I can see it. The hit occurred while Rang had the puck, and it was below the shoulders. Technically that was a legitimate hit by the rules of the game.

Those rules weren't meant for a boneheaded battering ram!

Than a certain event organizer should have changed the rules before letting Dinosaurs play the game...

Oops.

Rang's injuries are clearly pretty bad, here as he skates off the ice.

Tell me about it, he is wearing a cone of shame!

Looks like he is not just out of this hockey match, but we're getting word he is likely out for the rest of the Winter Games.

Oh man, and he had been the big star of the games so far!

Team Australia's coach is calling for the Americans' to default this game, as her team is effectively out of the Ice Hockey Tournament.

What?!? America is refusing to forfeit the game, citing the check as perfectly legal!?!

I guess that is within their rights, but seriously?

*End Replay*

That was the unexpected end to the first match of the Ice Hockey. We see Team Australia dropping out of the Ice Hockey tournament altogether.

This injury also puts Australia's current overall lead in the Olympics in jeopardy.

America in the meantime moves on with a victory point, not that they really matter now. Every team will now be making it to the playoffs as a result.

If you'd been watching our broadcast earlier today you'd have had a big unplanned 20 minute break between games due to this outcome. In good news I was able to provide some filler entertainment! Which went something a bit like...

NO!!! I will walk out right now if I subjected to another second of you country yodelling the hits of U2 whilst trying to, unsuccessfully, juggle goslings!

What you didn't like it?

I'm not alone either, I have over two thousand emails from our new large audience demanding you never do that on air again!!!

Oh, and I just went through my ipod looking for more songs to cover...

Anyways with the first game over, there was still a second one this afternoon. This being the match between China and Canada.

Yes the long awaited debut of my team!

Peter we're on the air... why do I have to keep saying that... you can't go on about "your" team.

Right. Well then, Team Canada's coach in a moment of brilliance...

*Sigh*

Decked out his star player in a lovely Team Canada jersey!

Here was Team Canada as they skated out on the ice for the first time!

Well I have to say that jersey is rather smart isn't it. Why isn't the rest of the team in them?

Have you seen how much a Tyrannosaur sized jersey costs?!?

I thought that was your Tyrannosaur in the jersey...

Errr, well yes, but you know what I mean! A full grown Tyrannosaur, Albertosaur, which is a Tyrannosaur but not AGHH!...

Well led by their captain Staff...

How many times have I told you today that is Tyrannosaur. Traumador THE Tyrannosaur!

That's not what his jersey says!

I tell Traum to go get his jersey embroidered with his name, and he comes back with Staff written on the back...

Why?

He said it was the only thing he could imagine ever being on the back of any of his shirts.

Huh?

It's a long story...

And the number zero?

*Sadly admits* He thought it would be cheaper than a bigger number...

Well with both teams on the ice it was game on.

The game was exciting from the get go!

As of the puck dropping, Lillian Albertosaur looked to be this match's star.

That is till she was continually foiled by Lao-Gui Meng the Pinacosaur.

Quite right, Peter. The armoured Dinosaur kept the Chinese net as protected as her hard hide.

Nothing Lillian did could beat Lao-Gui either.

Leading to the natural question, where was Team Canada's other forward Staff?

Traumador THE Tyrannosaur!

Well Traumador the Staff was unable to skate in any real capacity throughout the whole match, and though occasionally getting the puck and passing it to Lillian, he had no real impact on the game. Which would lead one to ask what Team Canada's coach was thinking putting him on the ice?

Hahahahaha I imagine if you "could" ask him, he'd say he'd hoped the pressure of the game would get Traumador to grow his ice legs.

Clearly this "common" coaching strategy didn't pay off, for some reason...

Despite Lillian's valiant efforts to score, and her overwhelming control of the puck for most of the match, the Chinese naturally had breaks in the Canadian onslaught. Especially given their effective one Dinosaur advantage.

It was in one of these breaks that Norman A. Centrosaur found himself beat by Hua Yingwu the Psittacosaurus.

It should be pointed out that poor Norman actually put up a good game himself. However with the ongoing Chinese power play he just couldn't stop all the cross ice plays.

Hopefully Team Canada performs better next game.

I would certainly hope so. A three to nothing defeat is not a great start. Even if Lao-Gui Meng is by far the best Saurian goalie we've seen thus far.

So your thoughts after the day Gus?

I think Team America and China will be battling for the gold. We'll have to see if the physical play of the American's can beat the armoured defenses of Lao-Gui Meng's goal tending.

How do you think Team Gondwana will effect things as they enter the tournament next round?

While it is true that we haven't seen Gondwana due to their bye in this round, but I can't help but think that the domination we saw on both the parts of the US and China today will carry on. Though who knows, maybe the giants of the South may topple our first round expectations.

Finally Team Canada's chances?

Unless Staff...

Tyrannosaur!

Unless, Traumador, somehow miraculously learns to skate in the next couple days i think they're dead in the water. No matter how good Lillian or Norman play.

Oh man...

Peter don't even start!

So stay tuned hockey fans, as this is but only the first round of the 2010 Dinosaur Winter Games Hockey Tournament... uh that's copyrighted by the way.

*Sigh* Peter that comes up in the credits, you don't need to tell people that!

I just wanted to make sure...

I am SO done for the night!

leaping lizards... the ski jump!

[Production Note: Our apologies to a number of people of flickr. We have "borrowed" all the pictures with a ski jump in this post from various people on flickr. However due to the installation of some new software on our PIP computer, the bookmarks for these were all lost. If you are one of the photographers who took these shots we will take down any of these shots if you wish, but please take the spirit of fun we've used them for in mind (and we are making no money off of any of them)]

it was finally the beginning of my special talent agent peter bond's grand scheme... the dinosaur winter OH-lympics.

i wish i could say i was excited about the games, as games are supposed to be fun aren't they? instead i was looking at the prospective of losing all my money if the games "failed".

even worse the first "game" didn't look all that fun to me. not one bit, and i'm looking at it right now!!!

lillian was a bit more than nervous about this ski jumping of peter's. so like any good (wannabe) boyfriend i accompanied her up to the top of the tower to look down the ramp she'd be zooming down in under an hour...

to say it was scary would be understating it, people of the innerweb. it was downright terrifying, and i wasn't even the one having to go down it.

lillian in proper tyrannosaurian fashion acted like she wasn't afraid. "this isn't much higher than a coulee in the badlands." she weakly dismissed. only i could see through her lie, being a tyrannosaur myself. her mouth was slightly a gap, a tell tale signs all was not well with her.

i decided to leave it though. in my experience most tyrannosaurids (apart from me) can get very testy when you question their bravery and other such nonsense. in my experience if you're scared, its best to just let it out. otherwise you'll do silly things later anyway (at least if you're me again).

i wished lillian good luck as the other competitors started to show up. it was time for me to head to the back of the tower as a non-jumper. lillian didn't respond to me, and just kept starring down the ramp before us. i didn't blame her for the rudeness this time. i'd be pretty wrapped up in the moment if i was in her claws.

however i was about head up to the observation deck, lillian turned and called after me. "thank you for coming up with me traumador. the company was very nice before... well you know."

as much as i stood to lose from these OH-lympics, one bright side of the whole affair was starting to emerge. i was starting to make considerable gains with the girl of my dreams...

taking my seat waiting for the event to start, suddenly a number of TVs set up on the ski jump turned on. a rather catchy jingle starting playing as a very familiar voice began to speak.

Welcome ladies and gentlemen to a special public access cable, channel 299.5, presentation. Tonight we bring you the debut of a sporting event of geologic proportions... the first ever Dinosaur Winter Games!!!

As the music cranked to epic levels the screen cut to two broadcasters... well people pretending to broadcasters... and i could see why the voice was familiar.

I am Peter Bond...

my talent agent introduced himself, but than paused. silence followed.

Ahem!

Oh right sorry, and I am Gus Richards.

Peter's co host finally introduced himself.

You didn't say how stressful this would be when we went to live. Just look at that little "on the air" light blinking...

Not NOW Gus!

Oh right sorry ladies and gentlemen. This is my first gig on TV, and I'm a little nervous.

Nothing the good folks at home *cough* need to know about Gus!

So here we are coming at you live from beautiful Vancouver, where the conditions are perfect today for our first Olympic event, the Saurian ski jump.

Another pause.

Ahem ahem!

Ah, yes Peter... where, uh. Five teams from around the worm... no sorry world are about to compete for... hmmm the gory. Oh, glory of being the best Dinosaurs of all time... in winner sport.

That's winter sport!

Sorry man, its hard to read your hand writing! Couldn't you have typed that up or something before hand!

gus suddenly realized yet again he'd embarrassed himself on TV and looked blankly at the camera. peter clearly muddled himself by his co anchor's nerves pressed on in typical chipper bond fashion.

The first team to take to the air today is team Australia.

That's right Peter. Today Australia will be represented by Rang the Leaellynasauras.

Indeed, as today all our Prehistoric teams are only allowed to field only one athlete to compete in the Ski Jump. Though rest assured folks, we have plenty of team sports coming up later in the games!

We now go live to the ski jump, where Rang is about to make the first jump of the day...

we all held our breath, as the little aussie dinosaur confidently, and frankly bravely pushed himself down the ramp. if i had to guess i'd say he was completely unphased by the prospect of shooting down the giant tower at break neck speeds, flying off high in the air, and soaring across hundreds of meters!

What a beautiful jump!

You sound surprised Gus.

I am actually. I figured this would just be a joke that played out as a horror show.

Ahem!

I mean I was expecting more... suspense than this.

HAHAHA yes. Back to our Australian jumper.

Based on all the ski jumping I've ever seen I'd say Rang is doing quite well. Won't you agree???

Absolutely. He is showing excellent flying position.

I believe in ski jumping they call it form.

Exactly what fantastic form our little friend from down under is showing!

What would you place Australia's chances at Peter?

We're not expecting the Aussie's to be the strongest contender in many of these events. With the ski jump in particular I believe the Australian coach has made the mistake of picking one of her lightest team members. A number of the coaches opted for their biggest and heaviest Dinosaurs, as they should be propelled faster and further.

The grace and agility we're seeing in the air won't be a factor then you don't think?

Of course n...

Rang finally came to the ground, way near the bottom of the hill...

One hundred metres?!? As I was saying before Gus, I totally believed that Rang's grace and ability...

Agility!

Yes agility were going to be key factors in a successful jump!

Right...

Anyways what was your expert opinion on that jump Gus?

Expert? Well having watched the odd round of ski jumping in the past, I'd say for a first jump, 100 metres is pretty good! It sets the bar high, and shows that Australia may just be a contender in these winter games after all!

That remains to be seen, Gus. As several teams coming up have fielded their true heavy weights into the competition. If Rang weighing in at a mere 10 kilograms can jump 100 metres, let's see how far a multi ton beast can go!!!

Next up we have your very own team Canada's Lillian about to make the jump.

You mean all of Canada's don't you.

No I mean it is your team. Isn't it.

HAHAHAHAHA *whispered* I was going to try to keep a lid on my coaching status. We're supposed to impartial right *resuming normal volume* So team Canada's coach looks like he was wisely chosen his largest biped for the jump. Let's she how she does.

the moment of truth came, as lillian braced herself for launch. i could barely watch as she pushed off and propelled down the ramp!

within a matter of seconds lillian was sky bound! you know for a mutant multi ton relative of a bird, lillian was doing pretty good at showing her lineage to avians... you know without the feathers, or flapping, or properly flying.

There can not possibly have been a more intimidating... errr I mean spectacular sight ever seen coming down a ski jump hill. A Tyrannosaurus Rex...

Albertosaurus Gus. An Albertosaurus. *whispering* Trust me she gets a little grumpy if you mix it up, and a you won't know the difference between an Albertosaur and Tyrannosaur when their grumpy if you follow me!

Sorry an Albertosaurus, majestically flying through the air.


Oh and she is about to make her landing! How far will team Canada make it with Lillian's 2 ton bulk propelling her.

What an upset! Despite her considerable weight advantage, Lillian comes in at only 67 metres! Putting Team Canada in second on only jump number 2!

That can't be...

What's that Peter?

I could have sworn she'd be a clincher being so heavy, and... Oh I'm sorry. Like I was saying Gus, that can't be the start that Team Canada was looking for here in the first game.

We next come to Team China, who are clearly going to want to get ahead of at least Team Canada with Lillian's considerably shorter jump than Team Australia's Rang.

Indeed Gus. Now the Chinese coach has opted for a different tactic of ski jumper than the other big weight teams such as Canada and Gondwana. Despite having the choice of two potentially large jumpers, China has opted for their most compact big Dinosaur Lao-Gui Meng the Pinacosaur. The theory being that a more condensed heavy animal will be propelled that much further.

An interesting strategy. Well it won't take too much, apart from a good jump, to probably out do Canada's 67 metres. Though to catch up to current front runner Australia's 100 might prove a bit more difficult.

Well we're about to find out, as Lao-Gui takes to the air!

An excellent start to the jump too...

You know I was wrong about Lillian's jump. What we are now watching now has to be the most unique ski jump EVER!


Indeed who would have guessed something so bulky as an armoured Dinosaur would look so graceful in the air?

For those who were wondering Lao-Gui name in Chinese means Ancient Turtle.


I wasn't Gus, but I guess after today no one will be able to say Loud Gway is an old fart after today.

Actually Peter, in her native China the turtle is seen a being of great wisdom and patience. So I don't think the name would carry the same demeaning nature it does here in North America. That and you said her name wro...

So like I said I don't think anyone will make fun of our flying turtle again.

Oh no! but what a short lived time in the air! Landing at the mere 1 metre mark!


It would appear China's plan on using its most compact heavy weight has completely backfired! As Lao-Gui lands within a moment of taking off. What a shame for Team China, who now take third.


Sadly a very easy to out do third though Peter.


Indeed Gus, and I think the Americans are keen to seize it too! Team America has opted for a light weight jumper much like Australia.


Yes only this one has a heavy something or other. Starting with a k?


That would be head, Gus. It says head.


Look dude, you're hand writing isn't that good.


The American jumper, Bronko the Stygimoloch, weighing in at about twice the weight of Rang may present Australia with their real first challenge to their first place jump. Only unlike the truly light weight Leaellynasauras, Bronko's head is made of dense armoured bone. Possibly giving him a little more propolution, and the edge to victory.

Or we might see a combination of both Rang and Lao-Gui's jumps.

How would that work? The best and the worst jumps put together, what we'd get the medium jump?

Hey don't look at me. This commentator thing is hard. I just said it is it seemed a natural connection.

Well we'll find out if this is the unlikely combination Gus predicts, or if the Americans are about to make Dinosaur Olympic history!

I didn't predict...

Shhhhh Bronko is taking off!

And a good take off so far.

Bronko is making this look easy. Even more so than Rang from Australia did.

Indeed, perfect form up there. However I can't help but notice Bronko is holding his head very oddly.

I see what you mean Gus. It would appear our Pachycephalosaur is using his very heavy head to steer to a greater degree than our previous jumpers.

Oh and it looks like it is going to pay off for our hard headed American jumper!

Bronko still hasn't touched down as he passes the 70 metre mark... now the 80!... Oh my the 90... and Bronko will come down on the 96 metre mark! A mere 4 metres from first place!!!

That must be real frustrating to Team American.

Yet to jump into second place, that isn't too bad.

Indeed, putting our standings currently at Australia in first, America in second, Canada in third, and China in fourth. However our last jumper of the day from Team Gondwana could very well change all this.

That's right Gus, as Team Gondwana is taking heavy weight ski jumping to its extreme! Both Team China and Team Canada fielded Dinosaur jumpers who weighed a "mere" 2 tons. Gondwana's Sansom the Spinosaur comes in at a whopping 8 tons! Meaning we'll really get to see if there is anything in sending such huge jumpers down our hill today!

Indeed Peter. So far we've seen that the lighter and more agile jumpers have had the most like in gliding down the hill. Our heavy weights however have both had different problems. In the case of China it was too much weight and their jumper simply fell out of the air right away. Canada on the other hand had a descent jump, but that weight just didn't propell their jumper enough to beat the light weights from gliding past.

However if a 2 ton Albertosaur can shot 67 metres, will a 8 ton Spinosaur go that much further?

We are about to find out, as here goes Sansom!

Nice form in the initial take off. I don't know, Gus, based on the speed and air this massive theropod has so far, I'm thinking Australia and America could be in trouble.

I'm agreeing Peter. Though Sansom isn't gliding gracefully, his weight is carrying him like a cannon ball. I think his target is gold too!


Oh but what is this?!?

We're seeing Sansom experience some trouble midair!

What's happening?

I think the wind is catching the giant sail on Sansom's back! Oh no and it is blowing Gondwana's jumper off course...

Sansom is coming down the finally stage of the hill, but he is looking really out of control ladies and gentlemen!

This is going to be close folks! Currently he has just passed the 90 metre mark, meaning if he can land this Sansom will clinch victory for Team Gondwana...

OH NO!
OH NO!

Sansom has landed in the audience... Thank goodness I required those release forms with ever ticket!

Oh this is terrible. Not only does Team Gondwana come in last for not landing, but now its jumper and many spectaters could be seriously hurt...

We're getting reports that Sansom, apart from a hurt ego, has managed to pick himself up and is okay.

Hows that Peter?

It appears uh... several patrons broke his fall.

Yuck!

Indeed Gus.

Well there you have it. Team Australia wins the event, the United States comes in second, and Canada comes in third.

So be sure to tune in later this week as our coverage of the first ever Dinosaur Winter games continues! In the meantime I have some free tickets to give out to some mad squished people!

wait are those people going to be mad at me for funding the OH-lympics?

peter has now repeatedly assured me no one was permenantly squished from having the full grown bull spinosaur land on them. does that mean they were temporarily squished then? how can you be temporarliy squished?...

To be Continued:

With more events. So like the commentators said stay tuned!