they ARE making a new jurassic park movie... and as if that wasn't big enough...
i'm going to be in it!!!
yeah i know, that is way too awesome! not only that, but lillian has landed a role too!!!
how you might ask? well it goes like this.
two minutes ago i was talking to my special talent agent peter bond, and we were talking about some stuff to do with these dinosaur winter OH-lympics he has just organized.
anyways peter looks at his watch and gets all panicked suddenly. "oh no!" were his exact words i believe.
"what's the matter?" i asked totally confused by his sudden lose of calm.
"it's almost noon," he said as though that was supposed to mean something beyond the fact his watch showed it to be 11:57 am.
"so?" i asked hoping for more of an explanation. rather then immediately answer peter got this really big grin on his face, and paused for a moment.
"well, traum my main man," peter then proceeded to explain, still with the biggest grin on his face. i figured he was really happy (now i know why!). "i can finally tell you about a huge deal i've just made on your behalf. what with it being april the first, and nearly noon."
at first that didn't make any sense to me, but then he elaborated. for the last couple of months peter has been speaking to none other than the stephen spielberg about possible movie roles for me and lillian...
it turns out that the big S really wants to get rolling on a new jurassic park trilogy (that won't end as bad as the last one i hope!). as it is a new trilogy, he wants a new direction for the franchise. meaning spielberg is wanting to start from scratch with everything. peter assures me everything...
including the cast. which means that for the role of the main tyrannosaurus rex my (JERK! of a) cousin larry is gone! a huge upset, as larry became an international movie star in that role. the kicker is though, spielberg wants me to replace him!!!
i was doubtful for a moment that this would be the case. i'm way way too short to play a movie t-rex. peter assures me that through improvements in special effects they can make me bigger. heck it worked at making people into hobbits, why not me into a huge t-rex?
peter said they also intend on expanding the dinosaurian cast to include many animals never before seen on the big screen. included in these are albertosaurs, and so lillian is in (which i'm happy about as it is just what lillian has always wanted... but a tiny part of me is disappointed, as did we really need another theropod in jurassic park?)...
so there you have it people of the innerweb... everything looks like it is going to work out just fine for me and lillian!
UPDATE: i'm really perplexed (and mad) by what happened right after i put up that post above.
as soon as peter told me the good news at 11:59 i rushed off to my com-puter and typed up my excitement (which you just read). suddenly peter started laughing.
when i'd posted my reaction peter than said it'd been a joke. there isn't a jurassic part 4, and peter has never once spoken to stephen speilberg...
peter's only justification for getting my hopes up (and crushing them) was just two words. neither of them being sorry!?! i'm not too happy with him at moment.
what is an april's fool, and why did he keep calling me one?
i can't even claim it was a slight lapse. no i've only done one so far this year! that's nearly 4 months of no weekend fossils... and i was doing so well before!
no more slack from me, and though i missed the weekend by a bit, here is a late installment.
one of the most complete tyrannosaurid skeletons in the world, on display at the royal tyrrell museum (and not a cast of it either mind you). it is either a gorgosaurus or albertosaurus, depending on which side of the gorgo/alberto debate you sit upon. for formalities sake i'll say a gorgosaurus.
so today i decided to sneak off and check out vancouver a little bit on my own.
holy smokes! i have to say there has been a lot of change since the last time i'd been here in town!
a weird forest made of paper had grown in the middle of downtown... which i thought was really weird. isn't paper made from trees? not that other way around.
not that i had to worry about this problem for very long!
you see despite sneaking off by myself, i hadn't planned to stay alone. hanging out with peter the whole time so far, i hadn't had a chance to properly catch up with who i'd really wanted too...
that was of course the theropod of my eye... lillian the albertosaur!!!
i'd paid for her and peter to go on a tour of the world, in an attempt to get lillian famous again (she'd been fired from the tyrrell like me). the last i'd heard from the two of them (before we all suddenly showed up here in vancouver anyway) both of them had been in new york city... which led me to the natural question. why weren't they still there anymore?
not that i was in a hurry to find out. i just enjoyed the stroll through the paper forest (though seriously what is up with it?!?) with lillian!
our destination was the beach front in west vancouver. the last time i'd been here, had marked a major shift in my life. i was kind of hoping for that again. only this time with lillian involved. oh and nose snuggling (a theropod's version of kissing... on account of our lack of proper mammalian style lips), lots of nose snuggling!
this time around i couldn't help but notice the giant inukshuk that stood by the beach. according to the arctic house, these big stone statues of people are the symbol of the OH-lympics. so i guess, despite not knowing what these OH-lympics are about yet, there is a connection between us dinosaurs and the OH-lympics for peter to try and make. inukshuks are made of stone, and we dinosaurs are found in stone...
which didn't really matter today!
i was for all intents and purposes on another date with lillian!!!
unlike all my other dates with lillian, this time i'd overcome her dislike of me. heck last time i saw her, lillian had given me a small nose snuggle! the equivalent of a human peck on the cheek, maybe not a full on smooch, but considering she tried to eat me the first time i asked her out... i was possibly really close to making lillian my mate!!!
of course one can't just rush into these things. especially since we had a lot of catching up to do. i'd had all my adventures in drumheller and calgary to tell her about! lillian thought they were quite amazing, and didn't entirely believe me in parts (especially dr. paradigm's kung fu!). not that i blame her, but they were the only stories i had to tell. believable or otherwise...
as for her adventures, i was surprised by what i heard. as far as lillian could tell peter had pulled them out of new york for no reason at all. she'd been a big hit in the american museum of natural history's galleries. peter had maintained that lillian was a welcome addition to the museum. yet lillian leveled with me, peter had always seemed to be constantly arguing with the museum's staff about something. though she couldn't figure out what about, as the staff was really nice towards her (and usually peter... just not when he talked to them about one thing things got a little tense).
oh well. i trust peter with making lilllian famous again. what else are special talent agents for?
with the catch up complete it was now time to try and win over lillian's heart. the problem is i don't have a whole lot of experience with wooing the ladies... so i had to kind of make stuff up.
humans are all about touching and stuff, something we theropods aren't naturally all that into. physical contact usually means we're having problems with each other, and will lead more often to a fight then a date. still sadly i'm more human in some ways than t-rex. so i tried something i'd seen humans do on the TV a few times.
i started rubbing lillian's shoulders. at first she didn't notice, on account of how light i am in comparison. if you think a human shoulder can be tense, wait till you try a full grown tyrannosaurid one! as i worked my full weight into the task of massaging lillian she began to notice.
at first i worried i'd anger her, but much to my surprise lillian was really enjoying the neck rub.
"oh my," she said rather blissful. "what are you doing?"
"its called a massage," i informed her, almost panting. it was a ton of effort to smooth out muscle bundles that were as big as me!!!
"i've never had anything this amazing before," she said arching her whole front half into me, so that i could work deeper into the muscle.
okay so now we were getting somewhere! now i just had to think of what to do after this... though for the time being the neck massage was going so well i could just continue while i tried to think of my next move.
i'm sure i would have thought of something, but the most unexpected thing ruined the moment. a number of scents had been gently rolling in from behind us. i'd been trying to ignore them and focus on the great moments i was having with lillian. especially as i figured like most weird smells in the big city they'd fade away.
however these smells didn't go away. if anything more of them started to build up. finally one particularly good waft of wind caused both me and lillian instinctively raised our heads. "are those..." lillian started to ask, but before she could finish we both looked up to the obvious answer.
all around us were a bunch of other dinosaurs!!!
a few of whom i knew, but most i didn't... not that it mattered.
all that mattered was that they'd all just interrupted my best date with lillian yet! the worst part, i didn't even know why. though i had my suspicions that peter knew a thing or two about it...
next: let the games begin!
so, i was determined to see if i could find even just ONE house that didn't suck. frankly after trying a few more, it wasn't looking good for them.
not only did all of them have line ups to get into them, but once you got in them there was nothing to do. sure none of them had fish that would bite you, but still after a couple hours wait you'd think there'd be more than a(n expensive) restaurant to see...
i'd been hoping the houses would be more about the places they were named after. you know like a mini-museum or something...
that's when i discovered the northern canada house. it was exactly what the doctor ordered!
they had a cool big stone man in the doorway. i quickly learned that these sculptures were built by the people of canada's north, and were called inukshuks. which was also the symbol of the Oh-lympics.
the house had all sorts of cool museum like things in it. stuffed individuals of the various animals from up there, like this muskox.
the only substandard spot in the whole place i'd say was this one table in the corner. all it had on it was a pile of rocks just lying there. randomly, not even in a pattern.
now that i'm at the Oh-lympics, my special talent agent peter bond is insisting we explore around vancouver. i think he is hoping to find somewhere i can jump in and instantly become famous.
well there is nowhere hiding fame so far. however there are a lot of houses... or what they're calling houses. (i thought a house was somewhere humans lived... these certainly are not those!)
so far all people do at these "houses" is sit around and watch sports... which i've been noticing a lot of during these Oh-lympics. sports... isn't that a bit of a distraction? you'd think people would be Oh-lympicing right now. whatever that is?
we ended up at the "atlantic house" for the evening... it turns out it is not a home for an ocean, like i thought. it is just atlantic canada's "house"... which is not the house for everyone in atlantic canada... again this calling them houses thing is confusing me!
anyways so when we got there we had to wait in line... for a really long time. 4 hours!
this kind of meant the whole afternoon was boring as! i mean what can you do, other then stand in line?
at least i had peter to talk to. i wanted him to tell me tales of he and lillian's adventures in new york, instead peter spent the whole time telling me all about all sorts of winter games for some reason? in fact i noticed that was all anyone in the line was talking about... what's up with that?
anyways finally they let us in, and we settled in. after SO long in the line we were getting pretty hungry. the atlantic house told us in a couple hours they'd be opening the kitchen. oh man i couldn't wait!
in the meantime me and peter watched a bunch of those already mentioned winter sports. which was ALL that seemed to be on the TV, for some reason... i'd never seen so many on in a row. so i learned about all the games peter had told me about earlier. which was kind of cool, i guess, as some of them were neat. it wasn't exactly how i would have spent the time if it'd been up to me though.
however time flew by, and still nothing in my stomach...
to try and "entertain" us all, the atlantic house put some guy named ashley macisaac up on the stage. peter informed me he is famous for playing the needle, or was it a fiddle? i didn't care. i was so hungry i hardly noticed him play music. i just wanted something to eat!
(turns out looking him up, this ashley macisaac is quite famous... so i guess i can say i saw him play some music! not that i really noticed...)
i was SO hungry, and so was everyone else around us. in fact it was getting so bad that we were all getting grumpy. it hit a particular boiling point when my tummy grumbled. all the surrounding tables paniced... which i guess makes sense if your only context of a tyrannosaur is from jurassic park... i sort of took offense as i'm a civilized t-rex. i know people are friends not food... oh well it was this event that tiggered it all.
when the table beside us called over the waiter every table in the area eagerly pulled out the menus to remember their orders. instead of taking our orders though, the waiter dropped a bombshell and informed us that we would not be able to order food as the kitchen was closed!
this immediately caused an outrage, as we'd all hadn't eaten in 6-8 hours! when we all demanded why the kitchen was closed, the waiter told us a bunch of different things! the first table he told the kitchen had only been taking orders for a few minutes (for which no waiters could be found anywhere near our tables!), yet the table beside us got told the kitchen ran out of food, and finally me and peter were told they ran out of electricity...
even i knew (with my small brain) that couldn't have been true... as we saw the waiter lie right to our faces, due to the ELECTRIC light bulb hanging about the table!!!
they weren't going to give us any food. they wouldn't let us back in if we left to get any food. they wouldn't even let us order in a pizza or something!
this would not due! yet the resturant held firm the whole night... yet food continually came out of the kitchen in front of us, but delievered to other tables who apparently had spare electricity or something! the worst was when a couple pizzas got carried through to the VIP area. we can't order pizzas but the special people can? that is so unfair!
nothing changed, that is till my tummy growled again. everyone once again paniced, and word got round that the dinosaur in the corner was going to go berserk. the manager himself showed up, and told me if i tried to eat any of the other "customers" (which peter found funny, as no one was allowed to buy anything!) we'd get kicked out.
peter told the manager a lie of his own... which normally wouldn't be good, but i guess in this case since they lied to us made it okay. right?... anyways peter claimed i was a big famous mascot for the Oh-lympics, and that if they kicked me out he'd see to it they'd be shut down. which wasn't true (i think anyways?).
peter then further demanded if we weren't given something for me to eat we'd be sure to mention it to the media. "you eat meat?" the manager asked already knowing the answer. when i nodded the manager ran off to get my food.
next thing i knew the salmon was trying to eat me!!!
the atlantic house had brought me out a live salmon... what is up with that?!?
it hurt so much (just on the inside of my mouth, mind you. fortunanetly my snout is very heavily built!)!!!
before i knew it peter grabbed the fish by the tail and threw it away...
leaving me with not only a sore mouth, but also a sore empty tummy! i would have bite it and killed it to eat it... in the cretaceous my ancestors took damage all the time. not that i liked too, but if i had to in order to eat then i would take it... yet i had no chance to act on this instinct.
good thing i had peter there to help me out...
so far though i can safely say i HATE the Oh-lympic houses!!!
to be continued with more houses...