now mike and me, we go WAY back... well at least from my point of view... i'm a bit younger then him... by decades in fact...
he's a friend of my legal guardian craig, and he is sort of like an uncle... i used to see him all the time when i was little... i even remember this one time when i was visiting him in calgary when i was a year old, and mike got really scared by a big lizard that must of been behind me, and he kicked me by accident trying to get it...
in the present though i needed his help. though wasn't due to "family" reasons. rather his profession. you see mike is a bookmaster... i mean librarian... i think my titles better... but STUPID society says it knows better!
when we finally managed to meet up it would turn out to be the perfect location. mike's workplace at the university library.
mike was as puzzled by what i needed from him as i just realized all of you out there on the innerweb must be...
it was simple i knew that librarian's are the collectors of information (from both a commercial i saw on TV, and a cool comic book called rex librarius), and as of such would hold the answer to my dinosaur-less land question...
mike said that was a fair enough assessment of how to find out, and he'd be happy to help. we were simply going to head into the library and read some books to find the answer he figured...
there was just one small problem... uh i had never read a book before...
now of course mike wasn't too happy to hear that. however as it was his job to "insure that information was transmitted no matter what!!!" he'd see what he could do about teaching me to read...
getting to the lines of books... not sure why everyone kept calling them stacks... their not on top of one another like in ghostbusters (after all "no human being would ever stack books that way")...
mike proceeded to teach me about books. they were one of the main things (but NOT only he reminded me) he and other librarians work with.
"contained within the covers is all sorts of information that you simple have to release." mike explained to me
release the information... why didn't he say so sooner... my bite is among the MOST powerful on earth... thanks to my superb jaw evolution!!! getting the information out of these covers would be a snap! of the covers that is...
mike said he didn't mean release it that way...
what? i thought it was a good idea... you'd think a guy who controls information would know about my brain impedement!
mike walked me over to a table with a selection of books he thought might help with my search.
however he said he wasn't looking forward to exercising his extreme literacy powers. the last time a member of something called section 241 had tried to teach a none reader in less then a day bad things had happened.
"with great literacy comes great responsibility" mike reminded himself. (i'd never heard of this type of super power before... though i thought i recalled a time superman stopped lex luthor with his literacy... uh breath). he wasn't sure my small mind could handle the awe inspiring burden of his ancient and noble craft...
mike launched into a speech for some reason. it was like he'd rehearsed it or something. it was kinda cool at first. all about the honorable profession of librarians and everything they'd done for mankind. at least it sounded cool at first, but he got sidetracked about some old girlfriend of his named library (kinda sad he was attracted to her just cause of her first name) alexandra. i started to get bored at this point.i looked over at the pile of books to see if there was a good one to look at till mike finished, and could help teach me to read. a couple of books down was one called tyrannosaurus. well that should be a big help with my task i thought.
mike suddenly stopped when i said the title of the book out loud. "what did you just say?" he asked preplexed.
"tyrannosaurus" i replied. duh!
"traumador i know that! how did you?!?" mike demanded.
"dude it clearly says it right here." i said pointing at it where it said tyrannosaurus on the cover...
"traumador you stupid dinosaur! you CAN read!!!" he yelled... prompting a bunch of shhhhhhhhs from no where. was kinda creepy...
so it turns out i know how to read!!! how was i supposed to know that though? i just figured out what letters and stuff meant from playing so many video games. there's a lot of writing in those things. i had no clue that books and video games were so similar... had i known that sooner i'd have taken up books quicker!
mike wasn't too impressed though. apparently he's whole speech was a infraction of the librarians code, and that he'd divulged too many of their secrets... all for nothing. i'm not sure why he was so concerned though. all i caught was the part about alexandra and her library. mike thanked me for pretended to forget the burden... wasn't a problem. i seriously don't remember him talking about a burden in the first place.
having set me up for my research mike said he needed to vanish from the library for both his divulging section 241's sacred history, and he's loud outburst were frowned upon by his brethren, and he must disappear so they won't find out it was him... have to say for a guy with a lot of information he sure was good at confusing me. oh well. i thanked him for the books. hopefully i'd figure out what i needed from them.
okay time to read... you think they'd have a more obvious name for understanding words... oh well.so first off i read a book all about me and my fellow tyrannosaurs... why didn't i do this instead of that WHOLE trip to BC?!?!?!?
man i learned all about my heritage and what we t-rexs are about... all in an hour. as opposed to that wasted 2 months!!!
however there was an interesting message in the last chapter...
i certainly hoped this wasn't a omen or something about my new scheme!though this book was very informative it didn't answer my question as too where there were NO dinosaurs. just where there WERE t-rexs...
no luck... not a single book had a list of countries or places without dinosaurs... i was doomed to failure... again...then suddenly i had an idea. one of the books claimed to have every dinosaur in the world listed. what if i wrote down where each of them was from, and then from that i could look at a map, and see where no dinosaurs were!
that took a little while. that is just the first part. writing down all the places dinosaurs came from. man who knew the world had so many places?
finally i had my first list. now it was time to start checking a map...
the yukon didn't have any
- but it was really cold in the winter
- really dark in the winter
- and it is almost never NOT winter there!
so that ruled the yukon out...
next was new jersey
- uh do i really have to list all the bad stuff here?
okay let's try a bigger picture approach i thought switching to a globe.
hawaii
- too touristy
- i don't owe any hawaiian shirts...
kenya
- it's got lions, elephants, and giraffes
- it's really warm there
wait a second. that's not sounding too bad at all. i could goto kenya!!!
okay next problem how do i get there. well there would be one man with the answer to that one! my talent agent peter bond! calling him up i told him all the exciting discoveries of the last day...
he like my sentiment, and wished he could help me get to kenya. there was just one small problem. i didn't have the money to get there. i didn't have enough money to even pay peter it turns out. the costs of my BC trip (especially building that fake dinotown) had left me kinda broke. fortunately peter was willing to keep me on as his client (though he was garnishing my earnings apparently... not sure what putting food seasoning on my money is going to do, but whatever i need his services!).
i was going to have to find a cheaper place to go...
okay back to the drawing board
kansas
- no dinosaurs, but LOTS of marine reptiles
- very boring place
okay no
southern new zealand
- too far away
nuts
transylvania
- too scary
- vampires, ghosts, and republicans
WAIT A MINUTE!!!
new zealand!!! craig was going there in... oh man! sorry people of the innerweb i HAVE TO GO NOW! uh might be a little while before i speak with you... please don't tell anyone to read this entry (ESPECIALLY craig!!!)...
bye!
