don't get me wrong. the first part of her surprise was brilliant. setting up my first encounter with lillian the albertosaur for the first time in 2 years. that's a really good surprise! i got my first date ever out of it!!!
the problem is she added a second unrelated activity onto it. she also reintroduced me to professor paradigm. a palaeontologist who examined me right after i hatched nearly 5 years ago (my hatching day is this week wow!). the reason for our reunion: him doing a medical check NOW!
now i may have a brain the size of a peanut, but i STILL remember this first encounter with paradigm...
it was not pleasant. in fact to be honest people of the innerweb i hated it!
now the thing is i know why medicine and proper check ups is important, but at the same time i really really REALLY don't like getting them!
i think part of the problem is my tyrannosaurian instincts. i don't like giving up control, and more the point having things stuck in my mouth or hide. i'm supposed to be inflicting that sort of thing on other stuff not receiving it!
i also remember paradigm was rough, mean, and did not have a very nice bed side manner. he was quite aggressive on his check up 5 years ago. so much so that i've never had a check up since. my legal guardian craig tried to persuade me to get more when we still lived in canada, but i refused. than as you know since arriving in new zealand things have been a little too hectic for such activities.
so when it came to today's check up i was not for it one bit. paradigm on the other hand was equally stubborn, and was determined to examine me. it was a standoff worthy of a movie or something.
"why is it always the theropods who are the most..." paradigm grumbled just over his breath. he brought his hands to his waist in a show of massive annoyance. i matched his pose to show i wasn't giving any ground.
"i won't do it," i stated. "its too personal."
"i beg your pardon?!?" asked in a very cold manner. as though the fact i had feelings about what he'd just asked me to do was the most far fetched thing he'd ever heard. don't get me wrong people of the innerweb, most palaeontologists are really cool (in fact some among the most cool of the world!), but paradigm was coming off as one of those science above all else sorts...
"ms. rhonwyn didn't say anything about this to me," i declared. "so sorry for wasting you a trip, but i don't give you permission to examine me anywhere... that alone where you just asked!" that should put an end to this i thought... man i thought i was so clever.
"i'm not your doctor traumador. i'm a doctor of vertebrate and invertebrate palaeontology! second of all you're not human. you don't get those sorts of rights!" paradigm retorted angrily.
man this was the first time i'd dealt with the guy (last time i wasn't able to speak or even fully comprehend the world... i was only a few days old after all!) and i didn't like him at all. normally palaeontologists were among the nicest to us living dinosaurs. we're their only definite link to the past millions of years ago. this guy i could tell just thought of us as another specimen like any common fossil (technically fossils aren't common and are really amazing in that only the tiniest number of them survive into the present).
"for ceratitic lobes of the prolecanitina!" paradigm cursed... i think? "it's not like i'm asking to see anything embarrassing traumador!!! just open your mouth. that's all i need to see!!!"
"no!!!" i insisted covering my mouth with my hands.
paradigm's arms shot straight in fury. "you will open your mouth right now!"
i shook my head holding my jaws tight.
"i'm only asking you, nicely," he had to think about saying nicely too much for it to be sincere. "one more time."
i didn't yield.
suddenly paradigm lept forward, and grabbed a pressure point on my snout. he did it in a manner identical to how craig and dan used to do it in the old days funny enough.
i won't lie it hurt a lot! i can see why kung fu people use these pressure point things in combat. instinctively my jaw opened in an attempt to relieve the pain.
paradigm then thrust out a strange star treky looking device and held it in my now open maw. it made some funny noises for a few seconds, and nothing happened. maybe i'd been a little paranoid about this. than suddenly it made a humming sound, and i felt really really REALLY dizzy. just like whenever something magic had happened on the museum quest...
the professor muttered to himself in response to whatever readings he was getting. "how is that possible?" he seemed to stare at me in disbelief not that i could really see his eyes through his massive void tinted glasses. he changed something (i assume a setting) and the dizziness got so bad it hurt. the room spun, and i had flashes of random maori things... though for the life of me i couldn't remember any of it when he stopped. kinda like how you know what a dream was about but can't put your claw on it...
"i'm letting go of your jaw now," paradigm informed me. he than cautioned. "don't even think about nipping me. i know far more painful spots on a tyrannosaurid than that."
"what did you just do to me?!?" i demanded to know as the professor let go.
"i was attempting to ascertain what the effects of that massive mystical gradient raditation exposure were on you," he answered matter of factually.
"so?" i urged him on. i actually wanted to know. was i in danger?
"well its hard to say," he stalled for a moment. i couldn't tell if it was because he was going to lie to me about my condition or he just didn't know. "there have been no documented cases of an archosaur, that alone a dinosaur, being exposed to anywhere near this amount of MGR. if you were a human you'd no longer be in this dimension of reality. you'd have been transposed to one of the gradient realities. though which one, i'm not qualified to say. string theory is well outside the field of palaeontology."
"if i had to guess from what i've seen, which i hate to do without first thoroughly going over the data, you appear to have absorbed and metabolized the radiation. which is very odd," he paused as i think he was telling himself as much as me. "in mammals mystical gradient energy simply coats our outer surface. meaning we rip right through the 4th dimensional walls of our reality as we move, and thus release the contents of the upper and lower dimensional stacks."
"you on the other hand, have somehow internalized this energy, and thus have your whole body mass to disperse and buffer your MGR load. based on your accounts of what happened when a outer dimensional activity was in your proximity, i'd suggest that this makes you something of, well in terms you'd understand, a mystic detector rather than conductor which a human would be in your situation."
i simply stared at him dumbfounded. so what he was saying is that a human would have been eaten by whiro or worse disappeared into that green light like tane did. instead i'd gotten something like a spider magic sense?...
"again i can't say any of this for sure till i analyze the results," paradigm cautioned me. "now i'd like to do a quick physical examine to ensure you are healthy otherwise."
"how are you going to know if i'm okay or not?" i challenged. i hate being hit, poked and prodded. why let this guy do it, since no one is really an expert on us living dinosaurs!
"don't be insulting," paradigm retorted. "i specialize in vivusly preserved fossils," i looked at him blankly. "by the temporal fenestra of a synapsid!... the eggs you and the rest of your kind have been hatching from."
okay so something good came out of this check up. i learned the scientific term for us living prehistoric critters. vivus-fossils. i looked it up. it means (in latin. the language of science!) having dug up a living thing [vivus=living fossil=having dug up].
i also learned that paradigm's specialty was therefore, me... and all the other dinosaurs running around today. maybe that explained why larry was so freaked of this paradigm guy when i mentioned him during my cousin's visit?... i wonder now. seriously who is this guy? i'd just been pretending to know paradigm. the mere mention of his name kept my cousin from making a single bite snack out of me...
with that thought i also realized i should cooperate with the professor. i didn't want to find out first hand why a full grown t-rex could be scared of this guy!
as paradigm saw me relax a bit (i still was stressed by the idea of probes, needles, and instruments) he sounded a bit less grumpy. "good," hit some buttons on his device. "now this should only take one second."
he pointed his doohickey at me. "where's the other stuff," i fearfully inquired.
"what other 'stuff' ?" paradigm was confused.
"you know the medical thingies," i answered. not that i didn't mind the time he spent pointing this thing at me. it meant the bad part wasn't here yet.
making me hopeful he actually laughed. "oh no, no. silly dinosaur. things have been modernized since the last time i looked you over. my multi-spectrum scanner here envelops the functions of almost every test i might need to perform. now it is important you hold still for a moment."
i actually felt at ease. maybe i had been to hard on this whole modern medicine thing. all of it in one tool, and it didn't have a pointy or hammery bit to be seen. just a purple light that turned on and off. what could i possibly have to fear?
"good now don't move a muscle," paradigm commanded as he finished lining up his pen sized scanner gadget. i froze as best i could. the light on the end of the scanner turned on...
nothing. i let out a sigh. that was easy!!!
than suddenly the device made a whirring sound... and was followed by one of the most intense pains of my life. i let out a great "OWWWWWWWW!""the discomfort is normal," paradigm stated matter of factly, not caring about my suffering. "what do you expect from simultaneous blood works, x-ray, cat-scan, erm, mri, bone scans, and dental scans?"
with that he started to walk out of the room. "i'll go over these findings, and than bring you and ms. rhonwyn a report of your final results." with that paradigm disappeared out the door.
i simply stood at the examine table unable to move. my whole body was in pain...
and that people of the web wide world is why i STILL hate check ups!!!
LOL
ReplyDeleteI would enjoy seeing this live on youtube!