Location: Port Chalmers
alright people of the innerweb as of last time we spoke i was left in something of a pickle...
i was helping my new buddy andrew out with a talk he was giving at a big OFFICIAL celebration at port chalmers. the thing was moments before we had to present andrew informed me that the talk would be on stuff i knew absolutely nothing about!
well i've heard a saying before "grace under pressure"... so hopefully there's a girl in the audience named grace and andrew brought a vice or boulders... otherwise this was going to get a little interesting...
andrew welcomed the crowd, and introduced himself... so far all so good. though there was a lot more people then i thought there'd be...
remember it has been 6 months since i have really spoke in front of people, and that was when i knew what i was talking about...
then came the big moment andrew introduced me... i was kinda scared for a second and couldn't speak... oh man the whole talk was going to be a disaster...
andrew caught this and encouraged a bunch of the kids in the crowd to come up and give me a moral boast...
well okay that kinda helped. children are pretty none scary to talk to. they are way better listeners then know it all grownups, and i tend to be on the same wave length as them too. just wish my small brain would get bigger like human kids seem to.
all right with that courage infusion i was ready to get on with the show...
wow what a big crowd we'd gathered too! was more then a hundred (not sure how many more. i'm not able to count above a hundred...). okay i had to remind myself no pressure. no pressure...
so andrew called up a volunteer from the audience to ask a question. right on cue, as this was supposed to be about sports in new zealand, the cute little guy asked us to talk about cricket and rug-bee...
okay so i know a little bit about bugs, but what do crickets and bees have to do with sports?
the pressure that wasn't existing a moment ago was coming right back i tell you.
andrew grabbed some stuff and started talking about "the games". i had no clue what he was talking about. he started talking about crickets hitting wickets for some reason (not sure why jimmy cricket would want to beat up an ewok in the first place?), and rug-bees tackling...
even more confusing was that he was holding a leather egg and a canoe paddle.
oh man i thought. just don't call on me to say anything...
right then of course andrew asked me if i had anything to add... suddenly every eye in the crowd was upon me...
i did the only thing that seemed natural... try to get out of there!
now because port chalmers is surrounded by water i was going to need to boat my way out. so i tried to grab the paddle from andrew...
he was not happy about that at all! after an insane tug a war i lost...
andrew tried to get the talk back on track and once again asked me if i had anything to say about sports...
why didn't he say it that way in the first place!
i know all sorts of things about sports. like at the beginning of every game of anything i've seen they sing the canadian national anthem!
so i got out my flag and started to sing...
andrew stopped me quickly saying that wasn't what he meant. the kids were all laughing at my mistake. oh man i was losing credibility and andrew's audience!
it was at this point i figured i'd come clean and admit i knew nothing about new zealand sports. i did just move here in the new year!
andrew said that was okay, and so he explained to me how the games of cricket and rugby (not rug-bee for those of you out there who've never heard of it before either) work...
before both knew it everyone left... andrew looked so mad... oh man had i messed this up?
then the organizer of the day walked up... great now i'd gotten andrew in a ton of trouble... i was so going to get kicked out of new zealand at this rate!
"well boys i see you ended 3 minutes before you were supposed to." she started off very disappointed. "i'm not sure where to start on the whole thing, the cricket bat fight, the canadian anthem, or the explaining to your dumb friend."
andrew's heart was plainly sinking. if he was upset then i knew i was going to be worse off in a moment... then suddenly...
"that was brilliant boys! the kids loved it! i love your thing traumador. pretending to be all stupid, and then having andrew explain it!" yeah act stupid... that's it! "you boys did an outstanding job! thank you."
like that she went on to get more work done for the days events...
andrew stood motionless for a moment. clearly in shock. i'd seen this sorta thing on dan's face before. he was just processing all the ways i'd screwed up, and in a second he was going let loose...
i nearly jumped when andrew gave me a high five and screamed "traumador that was AMAZING! you saved the day man. making the kids laugh and acting like you didn't know a thing. oh geez man. i owe you one."
wait did he just say what i think he just said?
guess what people of the world wide web...
i just got the first part of my government criteria!
i got one of the three signatures i need!!!
rather then ruin this otherwise brilliant day me and andrew are going to celebrate our successful presentation. which also a bonus to getting the autograph. looks like i have a new friend here in new zealand!
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